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Never tell anyone you will be alone on Christmas or Thanksgiving...... You will end up invited, or if not, chances are they will think you are fishing for an invitation.
This is true. I don't know how good I'll feel about a pity invite or even a goodwill invite. It's like, you're there, but you're there because people wanted to be nice to you, not because they were excited about having you there.
Which brings me to a question for the OP: Are you close to that coworker? Have you hung out outside the office before? Going out lunch during the workday doesn't count, but a happy hour or an after-work dinner does. Do you have shared interests? If the answer to the above is "no", then I can imagine being in their home, almost like an intruder, on a family-centric holiday, to feel awkward. Especially when there'll be lots of kids, and you're childless or childfree.
I assume it's the case for you. Feigning an illness isn't a good idea, because you'll come in looking fine next day. If telling the truth isn't an option, I'd tell the co-coworker that I got a last-minute invitation from a close friend or a family member, who's Jewish but doesn't want to be alone on Christmas, either.
I would have graciously declined the invite in the first place. I know there are people who love to gather up all the stray puppies on holidays and have them over. I don't want to be anyone's stray puppy. Especially at Christmas. There is Friendsgiving at Thanksgiving, but Christmas is more of a family holiday.
I am already practicing my "Fine, and you?" for when people ask me how my Christmas was. No one wants to hear that I was alone.
I am already practicing my "Fine, and you?" for when people ask me how my Christmas was. No one wants to hear that I was alone.
I don't care if people know. I'm atheist but Jewish culturally; this is common in Israel, but almost unheard of in the US. Which means I don't celebrate Christmas, and basically see it as a nuisance day, when everything is closed and everyone is busy. Anyway, if people find out I was alone, I just tell them I'm Jewish. If they continue to look at me like they feel sorry for me, I say "it's like you being alone on Chanukah".
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 12-25-2019 at 01:07 PM..
Yes, it is much different. Why should I feel obligated into going and how would declining initially be any different than today a few hours beforehand? The occasion isn't centered around me and not going won't impact the preparation quantity of what is served. Two people at the event know me and the remaining 10-12 have never met me. Explaining from my perspective should clear it up for anyone with the ability to imagine being in someone else's shoes.
Because they’ve already bought the ingredients for Y# of people including you instead of X# without you. Declining initially at least allows them to buy slightly less ingredients. Imagine if all other 10 had the same idea?
Accepting and then not going is a somewhat major social faux pax, IMHO. If it were me, I'd grit my teeth, pull up my big-people panties and go. This could impact your relationship with your co-worker, so there's logical reasons for going, BUT! There's also the option that you will have some fun and meet some folks who may even become friends. Maybe next year you'll be invited because they want you back again. In any case, by not going, you don't allow them the chance to do something nice. Had you said 'no' initially, they still would have been able to do something nice with an easy out, but they've extended their hand in friendship (or co-workership at least) and by not going, you're kinda spurning it. BUT, things will go on whether you go or not.
Yes, it is much different. Why should I feel obligated into going and how would declining initially be any different than today a few hours beforehand?
Why should you feel obligated? Because you made a commitment to another person, that's why. They have prepared and planned for you to be there. Don't you honor other obligations you make? Don't you expect others to keep their commitments to you?
I'm basically an adult orphan (minus any living relatives) and had stated to a co-worker that I would be home alone on Christmas. I was invited to attend their family gathering and accepted, but am not really in the frame of mind of wanting to go and not really into large gatherings with lots of kids either. I've grappled with ways to back out but can't think of anything compelling enough. I want to tell the truth that I'd be happier at this point with a quiet day at home, but don't want to hurt feelings. It's not like they'll "miss me" ....but don't want to seem ungrateful, which I'm not. Ideas?
You should have said 'Thanks but no thank you'. Don't do something that you know you don't want to do.You probably have already gone but NEXT time...just say 'No' if you know that you wouldn't feel comfortable.
Sometimes when people hear that others will be spending the holidays alone, they automatically assume that they will be very lonely.Maybe it's because they want to spend it that way.
Not everyone enjoys being around a lot of people on this day when all they really want to do is to stay home in pj's, eat, and watch TV in peace.
I get that every year. Now I just tell people that I have plans and I don't mention that my plans are to stay home and enjoy a quiet day to myself. I happen to like it that way but most people can't really comprehend it.
Even if you've already accepted, you could always use the excuse that you think you are coming down with something and don't want to expose the kids to it.
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