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Has something changed in your relationship - or perhaps in his life - that has made him start to send so many "I Miss You" messages? Maybe he's feeling lonely for some reason that may not have anything to do with you but has made him need more validation and be more needy?
Like you, I don't like to be insincere with people or forced to reciprocate an indication of feelings that aren't genuine. As others have suggested, I would try to find something positive to say in response to avoid feeling obligated to return with I miss you too. I can relate as I have a friend who has been texting me that she misses me. The reason is I moved to the next state after planning to do so for the past 5-6 years. The thing is, I tried repeatedly over the past few years to get together with her regularly, but she always chose to do other things. I understood - to a point - but I also realized she placed a higher priority on her hobbies than she did in getting together with me. When I did move, she kind of freaked out and now she misses me. I figure she misses the idea of being able to get together with me if she wanted to. I don't miss her because nothing has really changed. I try to respond in a friendly way without actually telling her I miss her.
Sometimes I think people sense when someone else/a friend is drifting away and maybe he senses that he's annoying you and doesn't know why, so the behavior continues. You mention that he's narcissist and it's always about him - and you don't miss him, I wonder if this is someone you really want as a friend. Do you get any pleasure out of the friendship?
What on earth does this have to do with it? If you didn't find him attractive would it change how you treat him? Honestly?
I say it because that is where a lot of his narcissism comes from. Because of those looks he spends hours every day on gay apps mostly just for validation. I bring it up because it his main source of validation and he uses his looks a lot, even in the way he talks about himself. He will literally say things like "I think I was the best looking one there." Even one of my friends who met once told me he was very good looking, but that he can see my friend really thrives off his own looks.
The point I am trying to make is he is someone that gets a lot of attention all the time in a lot places he goes. On top of that the gay community is all about looks, so he gets attention in every direction. In a way he is addicted to it and constantly needs it. So I think the "miss you" is just another avenue for him to get more attention and validation. That's why I brought up his looks.
Has something changed in your relationship - or perhaps in his life - that has made him start to send so many "I Miss You" messages? Maybe he's feeling lonely for some reason that may not have anything to do with you but has made him need more validation and be more needy?
Like you, I don't like to be insincere with people or forced to reciprocate an indication of feelings that aren't genuine. As others have suggested, I would try to find something positive to say in response to avoid feeling obligated to return with I miss you too. I can relate as I have a friend who has been texting me that she misses me. The reason is I moved to the next state after planning to do so for the past 5-6 years. The thing is, I tried repeatedly over the past few years to get together with her regularly, but she always chose to do other things. I understood - to a point - but I also realized she placed a higher priority on her hobbies than she did in getting together with me. When I did move, she kind of freaked out and now she misses me. I figure she misses the idea of being able to get together with me if she wanted to. I don't miss her because nothing has really changed. I try to respond in a friendly way without actually telling her I miss her.
Sometimes I think people sense when someone else/a friend is drifting away and maybe he senses that he's annoying you and doesn't know why, so the behavior continues. You mention that he's narcissist and it's always about him - and you don't miss him, I wonder if this is someone you really want as a friend. Do you get any pleasure out of the friendship?
I would say yes. I have been a little less close to this friend since the summer. There are two things he thrives on. His looks and his career. Previous to this summer, he had his moments of narcissism but it was never anything too annoying or enough to bother me. I actually really enjoyed the friendship.
However, when he lost his job six months ago (and since then has been unemployed), it took away a big part of his source of validation. So that left him with just his looks which he has gotten out of hand with. He talks about his looks all the time, he criticizes the looks of others all the time now, and he constantly seeks a lot of attention from any guy he can. He has started to have sex with so many guys, like 3 different ones per week. I believe his count of guys he has slept with, as he told me and wanted me to know, has been more than 600 guys. He told me he does it because it makes him feel powerful to be able to have this dominance over guys.
So, the thing is prior to six months ago he wasn't like this. But since he lost his job he has been on this path of constant attention, sex, and validation. The thing is he hasn't done anything bad to me. It's just I am finding myself not enjoying his company as much. His personality is turning me off. So I try not to hang out 1-1 with him anymore and do more group outings where he is more behaved.
With that being said, two months ago I tried having a talk with him, because in the midst of all this he said he was unhappy. I gave him some heartfelt honest views and I told him from what I have seen he relies too much on his looks for validation and that is what he puts front and center. I told him he needs to find healthier outlets, like volunteering, picking up new skills, just doing different things that don't rely on the validation of others. But I think that advice has not worked.
Turning point for me was a month ago we went to a Hindu temple. I was working on a short story on the side and wanted to do some research for the story. He wanted to tag along so he went. The temple was absolutely gorgeous, like something you would see in India. While I was taking the time to learn about the religion and explore the architecture, he said he was bored, started using a gay sex app inside the temple to chat with guys as I looked around. Again those apps give him that attention, especially because of his looks. Then we went outside to look at the exterior architecture. I was taking photos of it, but he could care less of how it looked but he wanted me to take pictures of him outside the temple, because the architecture made him look good per his words. He even told me he didn't want to waste taking pictures of the temple unless he was in them.
It was that moment, where I started to back away. Here we were in this beautiful place, with culture and history, and the only thing he could think about was getting attention.
Prior to him losing his job, I thought he had touches of narcissism, but since he lost his job I realize he is full blown narcissist.
I changed my mind. Don't respond and forget the guilt. It's getting to the point you're going to have to get out of this friendship if you've started to feel the tug for n supply and feel guilt if you don't give it.
I know he does, but how do you mean that I do? I ask that objectively, because I am aware there are things that I can work on too.
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