I don't miss you, and I don't say it, am I jerk?

[hunterseat]

Originally Posted by frimpter928

Yeah maybe next time I will say that.

You know it's interesting, now that I have written this thread, I am starting to realize how much I have really disliked him the past few months and how my actions enabled that too. A bunch of stuff he did in the past, I simply ignored or looked the other way. Shame on me.

For example, this past Halloween he texted me while I was on vacation asking me if he thinks he should dress up as Jefferey Dahmer for a Halloween party (gay one). That he would be spending Halloween at a gay bar too, and he would have a skeleton on his back with his Jeffrey Dahmner costumer. I remember two things from that:

1. Disgusted by his costume choice, I convinced him not to do that.
2. He interrupted my vacation for something so stupid and not once did he ask me how my vacation was going or anything like that. It was about "me, me, me."

Ugh, I guess I say all this to make the case in my head I need to cut him out.

Interesting. My example is somewhat narcissistic. His daughter is full-blown.
The "I miss you" may be a gage to test your level of devotion, something their egos require. Not something that proves their actual concern for you.

My guess is if you shut him out or even withdraw past the point of him feeling he has any control over you, he will become nasty, vilify you and accuse you of needing help.

[frimpter928]

Originally Posted by hunterseat

Interesting. My example is somewhat narcissistic. His daughter is full-blown.
The "I miss you" may be a gage to test your level of devotion, something their egos require. Not something that proves their actual concern for you.

My guess is if you shut him out or even withdraw past the point of him feeling he has any control over you, he will become nasty, vilify you and accuse you of needing help.

So interesting.

Last we communicated he sent me a text message saying "I miss you" close to a week ago which I ignored it. So yesterday he sends me a picture he took of me some time ago when we were at brunch from last spring. With no comment or context or anything. He just sent me that picture of me. Didn't even bother to say Happy New Year or anything like that. Just a picture.

Very strange, but this is what I mean, it all feels like a ploy. A ploy to get me to react or something. I could care less about the picture. What bothers me more is he doesn't can't even bother to say Happy New Year to me on New Year's Day. I've ignored the that text.

Definitely fading this relationship out.

[Sassybluesy]

I am a smart-aleck kind of person. Next time he told me "I miss you" I would be responding "I get it. I'm pretty missable."


Flip that narcissism on its head. lol

[frimpter928]

Originally Posted by Sassybluesy

I am a smart-aleck kind of person. Next time he told me "I miss you" I would be responding "I get it. I'm pretty missable."


Flip that narcissism on its head. lol

Haha, I might. His birthday is next weekend so I will see him there, but just backing out slowly. Luckily been going on dates with someone lately, so it's a good excuse for me not to be around this friend anymore.

[Diesel23]

I made the mistake of falling in love someone in college. I fell head over heels. I finally found someone I could really trust. She's in her late 20s now while I am middle aged. I was lonely and she talked to me, laughed with me, confided in me, got inside my defenses. We used to text each other. I so liked loving someone. I had no ulterior motive other than having my Special Pal in my life. I miss her. I pray for her. I think about her. I still love her. Seems that when my usefulness ran out, I got dropped like a bad transmission. She stopped responding. One day I had a use and the next day, literally, she stopped talking to me, acknowledging me, returning texts.

Communication stopped like a switch had been thrown, in one day. We never fought or argued. I made no unwanted advances. She does give a good hug, though. I am a gentleman and I treated her as a lady. I am a man who keeps his word and I had made a promise to give her my graduation tickets. I threw in my nursing pin, too. There were no more dinners needed or text books to purchase. That was almost three years ago. Being alone, I saw no reason to attend any of the graduation ceremonies.

So what, right?

Maybe he really does miss you. If you do not miss him, that is perfectly OK. If you do not miss him, do not tell him that you do miss him when you don't. That is cruel in my experience. Tell him how you feel and how you do not. Let him sort out the rest. If you do not want any further communication, tell him so. Don't string him along. I got strung along, led about by the nose and I am still learning again to live alone, inside my own head.

[frimpter928]

It's getting weird now. I haven't communicated with him since the first day of the year. Actually we didn't even communicate, that day, he just sent me a pic of myself and nothing else, and I ignored it and didn't respond. So he texts me this morning, and message opens with saying to me "Hey Babe" and then told me that he is going to have a birthday party in a week, and then ended it with a heart emoji. He's never called me babe nor have I seen him call anyone else that.

Like I said I really don't think this is pursuit to because he is interested in me, I think it's because he is trying to get some reaction or validation from it all. It's starting to make communication strange. I ignored that and plainly told him I couldn't make it to his bday as I will be out of town.

And again he doesn't ask how I am doing or anything like that. It's just a "I miss you" sending me a picture of myself (why?) and apparently now calling me "babe". It feels like an attempt of manipulation.

[carrcollie]

Why be friends with someone you think is a narcissist?