Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I would say he is one of my closest friends, but at the same time I am careful with him as he is a bit of a narcissist and he needs A LOT of validation. But overall our friendship is fine in regards to conflicts or anything like that.
I write this because this friend loves texting me "I miss you". He started doing this a year ago, and I didn't take it as anything too serious, and I would say "I miss you too! Looking forward to seeing you!". The thing is he keeps doing it a lot lately. I see him maybe once every two weeks, but if it's been a week and I don't see him or talk to him, he will text me "I miss you." The thing is he is starting to text me that a lot which it's starting to annoy me a little. I could understand if we hadn't seen each other in over a month, but like I said on average I see him every other week. But I think what bothers me it's about HIM. He doesn't text me, "Hey how's your week going?" or anything like that. It's about him, and what he wants, his needs, when he says "I miss you." It almost feels like he just wants me to validate him in my response? These "I miss you" texts have been coming in every other week for some time now.
So I have started to ignore him when he says "I miss you." But the thing when we try to coordinate something, and set a time and date, he will finish it off saying "I miss you".
The thing is I don't really miss him, so I am not going to say it in my response. The second thing is I don't know if it's genuine. Sometimes I feel it's part of his narcissism, of having someone validate him in that sense. That someone out there is "missing" him too. But then when I ignore it then I feel guilty, thinking that if he does truly miss me I am coming off like an ass for not responding and ignoring it.
If he sent me a message like that once every few months, would totally respond to it. But when I get a "miss you" every other week, I kind of just roll my eyes. Either it's not genuine and he wants to feed his narcissism methinks or he's just become needy.
The relationship is not 'fine' if he is this needy and you are this annoyed.
I couldn't be around either one of you. Neither of you have the wherewithal to address the issue of overuse of the 'miss you' followed up with the labeling of narcissist in all it's negative connotation.
My even keel nature doesn't allow 'needy' in my life. Try that. Simply say .dear friend ..lets limit that phrase and consider it a given.
I would say he is one of my closest friends, but at the same time I am careful with him as he is a bit of a narcissist and he needs A LOT of validation. But overall our friendship is fine in regards to conflicts or anything like that.
I write this because this friend loves texting me "I miss you". He started doing this a year ago, and I didn't take it as anything too serious, and I would say "I miss you too! Looking forward to seeing you!". The thing is he keeps doing it a lot lately. I see him maybe once every two weeks, but if it's been a week and I don't see him or talk to him, he will text me "I miss you." The thing is he is starting to text me that a lot which it's starting to annoy me a little. I could understand if we hadn't seen each other in over a month, but like I said on average I see him every other week. But I think what bothers me it's about HIM. He doesn't text me, "Hey how's your week going?" or anything like that. It's about him, and what he wants, his needs, when he says "I miss you." It almost feels like he just wants me to validate him in my response? These "I miss you" texts have been coming in every other week for some time now.
So I have started to ignore him when he says "I miss you." But the thing when we try to coordinate something, and set a time and date, he will finish it off saying "I miss you".
The thing is I don't really miss him, so I am not going to say it in my response. The second thing is I don't know if it's genuine. Sometimes I feel it's part of his narcissism, of having someone validate him in that sense. That someone out there is "missing" him too. But then when I ignore it then I feel guilty, thinking that if he does truly miss me I am coming off like an ass for not responding and ignoring it.
If he sent me a message like that once every few months, would totally respond to it. But when I get a "miss you" every other week, I kind of just roll my eyes. Either it's not genuine and he wants to feed his narcissism methinks or he's just become needy.
How would you all handle this?
Sidestep it entirely. If he ends a message with it, just respond with something neutral like "looking forward to seeing you at..." (fill in the blank...an upcoming lunch with mutual friends, or suggest something you already want to meet up for). If nothing comes to mind, the neutrally pleasant closer like "Have a good week!" Good luck with that work project! Take care of yourself!" can diffuse the whole thing. It comes down to what you want to train him to do. Keep it up? Keep encouraging it. Lay off? Don't encourage it.
I would say he is one of my closest friends, but at the same time I am careful with him as he is a bit of a narcissist and he needs A LOT of validation. But overall our friendship is fine in regards to conflicts or anything like that.
I write this because this friend loves texting me "I miss you". He started doing this a year ago, and I didn't take it as anything too serious, and I would say "I miss you too! Looking forward to seeing you!". The thing is he keeps doing it a lot lately. I see him maybe once every two weeks, but if it's been a week and I don't see him or talk to him, he will text me "I miss you." The thing is he is starting to text me that a lot which it's starting to annoy me a little. I could understand if we hadn't seen each other in over a month, but like I said on average I see him every other week. But I think what bothers me it's about HIM. He doesn't text me, "Hey how's your week going?" or anything like that. It's about him, and what he wants, his needs, when he says "I miss you." It almost feels like he just wants me to validate him in my response? These "I miss you" texts have been coming in every other week for some time now.
So I have started to ignore him when he says "I miss you." But the thing when we try to coordinate something, and set a time and date, he will finish it off saying "I miss you".
The thing is I don't really miss him, so I am not going to say it in my response. The second thing is I don't know if it's genuine. Sometimes I feel it's part of his narcissism, of having someone validate him in that sense. That someone out there is "missing" him too. But then when I ignore it then I feel guilty, thinking that if he does truly miss me I am coming off like an ass for not responding and ignoring it.
If he sent me a message like that once every few months, would totally respond to it. But when I get a "miss you" every other week, I kind of just roll my eyes. Either it's not genuine and he wants to feed his narcissism methinks or he's just become needy.
How would you all handle this?
To keep from feeling guilty just say 'yeah, looking forward to 'whatever' you have planned. Then you're not saying it back when you don't want to. But it's a response. IDK about at the end of making plans. I mean, it's weird. I think you can safely ignore those.
Is this guy developing feelings for you or something? I can't think why he'd keep saying he misses you in a platonic fashion. The circumstances in which I'd say that to a friend are very limited.
It just seems like something I would read some guy posting about here... "So I have this friend who I'm into, and I text them 'I miss you' all the time..."
If he stops saying it, I think you might be disappointed.
No, I wouldn't be. That stuff doesn't work on me, if anything I don't like it because it puts pressure for one to respond. He's actually a friend I have had to put some distance with lately. He lost his job six months ago (something that he really used to build his identity) and it feels like his narcissism has taken over since then. One his other best friends stopped being friends with him because of this, and one of his other best friends they had a falling out and didn't speak for a couple of months and just rekindled their friendship a month ago.
When he lost his job, it seems like it pushed him to become more about "me, me, me". The thing is when we hang out 90% of the time he's fun to be around. But that 10% of the time he can be quite unbearable.
Last edited by frimpter928; 12-29-2019 at 05:04 PM..
Is this guy developing feelings for you or something? I can't think why he'd keep saying he misses you in a platonic fashion. The circumstances in which I'd say that to a friend are very limited.
It just seems like something I would read some guy posting about here... "So I have this friend who I'm into, and I text them 'I miss you' all the time..."
One thing I will say is he is extremely good looking. He looks like a model and every time we go anywhere he gets looks everywhere. So his self worth is reliant on how others validate him. Big time. He spends countless hours on apps getting attention from guys. So I don't quite think it's feelings for me. I think it's him wanting to feel validated. Perhaps he can't get it from anywhere else in the moment, so he reaches out to me.
I have seen him in action sometimes with guys. Like we will be out at a bar, he will flirt with a guy walk up to him, get the attention he needs, then walk away and not pay any other attention to him. He doesn't want anything from him, just his attention and validation.
So methinks that is what this is, just in a different fashion. He wants the validation of someone who says "I miss you too."
The relationship is not 'fine' if he is this needy and you are this annoyed.
I couldn't be around either one of you. Neither of you have the wherewithal to address the issue of overuse of the 'miss you' followed up with the labeling of narcissist in all it's negative connotation.
My even keel nature doesn't allow 'needy' in my life. Try that. Simply say .dear friend ..lets limit that phrase and consider it a given.
My challenging with saying "stop saying that" is that there is no way prove to he truly misses me, which could turn into an argument and make me look like being the rude one.
I think a better conversation I will have with him is actually asking him why he keeps saying that. In a more objective way. Kind of like a "hey I see you keep texting me this a lot. Are you okay? Are you feeling lonely or something?" Then that can open the conversation, which I can state objectively him telling me that isn't necessary, and we can save it when we truly haven't seen each other in forever.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
