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A good guy friend of mine, broke up with his girlfriend. Just a little background on him, he's the type that always needs to be in a relationship. When he started dating her, only two months previous to that did he break up with his previous GF. So he gets new GFs pretty quickly and it seems like being in a relationship is what makes him the most happy.
They had been dating for about six months and last week he sends me a message saying "Clarissa and I broke up, but I don't want to talk about it. How are you?"
Obviously I can't ignore the message, so I probed to find out more about what happened and to make sure he was okay. But I have to admit it was a little annoying him bringing that up and expecting me to dismiss and ignore that. So I tried giving him words of encouragement, even though I knew he is in a lot of pain. In one text exchange he told me he was in a lot of pain and was crying in bed, but he didn't want to talk about it.
Yesterday I sent a text to see how he was doing. He texted me "These are very dark days, but I wouldn't want to weigh you down, so I don't want to talk about it. How are you?"
I responded to him letting him now that he wouldn't be weighing me down and to talk to me and that we should meet in person to catch up. But he hasn't responded yet.
They had been dating for about six months and last week he sends me a message saying "Clarissa and I broke up, but I don't want to talk about it. How are you?"
All you can do is say "I'm okay. I'm sorry to hear about you and Clarissa. I get not wanting to talk about it. If that changes, I'm here for you."
IMHO what he really said was "I'm not ready to talk about it quite yet." His thoughts about the situation may just be in a mess. That could change in a day. Agree with the previous post...remind him you're there when he IS ready. Change the subject. Give him something else to think about. You've done what a friend should do: listen, respect what you've heard, and remind him you'll be supportive if/when he needs you to be.
He is an "energy vampire" and I would distance myself.
This is nonsense, not a real life problem.
Seriously, a grown man acting like this over a "relationship" that went on a few months? He needs to go visit a children's hospital and put things in perspective. Maybe he will get what "dark days" really are.
He is an "energy vampire" and I would distance myself.
This is nonsense, not a real life problem.
Seriously, a grown man acting like this over a "relationship" that went on a few months? He needs to go visit a children's hospital and put things in perspective. Maybe he will get what "dark days" really are.
I don't know if he is an energy vampire, but saying something like "these are dark days" to me means he's really in bad shape and very depressed or he is being very dramatic.
He is an "energy vampire" and I would distance myself.
This is nonsense, not a real life problem.
Seriously, a grown man acting like this over a "relationship" that went on a few months? He needs to go visit a children's hospital and put things in perspective. Maybe he will get what "dark days" really are.
I would say the friend is trying REALLY HARD to NOT be an energy vampire. How many times does he have to say "I'm not ready to talk about it."?
I’m not so sure that “I’m not ready to talk about it” isn’t code for “Secretly I’m hoping you’ll ask me about it.”
I wonder about this because it’s obvious the guy is very needy, hopping from one failed relationship to the next (which probably fails because, again, he’s needy).
I don't know if he is an energy vampire, but saying something like "these are dark days" to me means he's really in bad shape and very depressed or he is being very dramatic.
Dark days? He was dating this woman a few months, dark days are the death of a parent, job loss, end of long term relationship of several years, especially if someone leaves someone.
Not this nonsense. He is being very dramatic, how is going to handle really difficult situations.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy
I would say the friend is trying REALLY HARD to NOT be an energy vampire. How many times does he have to say "I'm not ready to talk about it."?
He's told this guy like 4 times.
LOL..you don't get it. The OP isn't asking, the friend keeps saying in his messages he doesn't want to talk about, than quit saying that.
You don't keep saying that when you really don't want to talk about it.
I’m not so sure that “I’m not ready to talk about it” isn’t code for “Secretly I’m hoping you’ll ask me about it.”
I wonder about this because it’s obvious the guy is very needy, hopping from one failed relationship to the next (which probably fails because, again, he’s needy).
Of course it is.
These types are a drain. I'm all for helping people I can and having empathy, for real issues.
But this is ridiculous.
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