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As a step parent and the child of a wicked step mother...i am so sad. My stepchildren are my children. I stay out of things out of respect for their mother and father but i love them as much as i could love anyone. They go through phases where they are almost impossible to deal with but i would never dream of giving up on them and i would NEVER encourage my husband to give up on his child. So sad.
It costs nothing to be a good person and it actually benefits to be the bigger person. Encourage your husband to at the very least, to keep his word to his child and send her the bear. Keep or throw out the rest of the garbage or misc stuff but the bear is sentimental and important and he told her he was going to send it. Then wait for her to come around. She will. She is his child. Send a birthday card or email. Keep the communication lines open. When she grows up and becomes a responsible adult, which she will if mom and dad raised her correctly, she will understand that you guys reacted to the situation that was presented to you.
But continuing to be petty and vengeful will only irreparably damage this relationship.
Seems like the only crime that the OP and her DH did was to try to take her SD to Disney in spite of the problems the SD has. Oh! The horror!
Why do most people side with the SD saying to return her items? She's 22! Seems like no one has ever taught the SD the facts of life. Giving into her again, doesn't help the SD at all. It just will continue to "cripple" her. JMHO
Teach her a life lesson. Throw out the crap and get on with your life.
Seems like the only crime that the OP and her DH did was to try to take her SD to Disney in spite of the problems the SD has. Oh! The horror!
Why do most people side with the SD saying to return her items? She's 22! Seems like no one has ever taught the SD the facts of life. Giving into her again, doesn't help the SD at all. It just will continue to "cripple" her. JMHO
Teach her a life lesson. Throw out the crap and get on with your life.
It's not siding with the SD. It's actually siding with the OP and DH in the interest of ending this particular drama and moving on.
Your husband said he'd mail the bear. Tell him to mail the &^#$ bear, and throw in the other stuff too (no note, no text). It will at least appear that he's a father that understands the power of attachment. It will also serve as an olive branch for the future. Keeping the bear in his closet--even when SD's behavior justifies it--is just being a jerk.
The husband/father said he would mail the bear after his vacation.
If you give your word, be a responsible adult and follow through. This can be especially important if you are giving your word as a parent to your child (no matter what age).
Whether or not the stuff should be returned may be open to discussion, but once his word was given that discussion is over. Be an honorable person.
Nope! I've never enjoyed her and she's barely been a part of H's life since I've know him. She came over maybe 5-6 weekends a year before she turned 18 (and that's being generous). Now she is on a wrong way track to nowheresville and we have never had anything in common. She lies, she talks about things she knows nothing about and can't stand it when you correct her because she doesn't have the info about something she swears she's knowledgeable on. Now H seems to be fine not having her in his life because all she does is create drama. And, according to her, she will never have kids so no grandkids to worry about!
This is very sad. Why did she only see her dad 5 or 6 weekends before she turned 18? Maybe that is why she is "on the wrong side of the tracks." As a stepmom, I found things to have in common with my stepchild, I was the adult in the situation.
No where does the OP state the SD is violent, has been in trouble with the law? etc. The daughter states she doesn't want kids, so they don't need to worry about grandkids. She's 22. Plenty of time to change her mind.
Perhaps all the info provided is why the SD dresses the way she does, works in a convenience store (at least she works- nothing wrong with that). This young woman is screaming for help and the stepmom does nothing but condemn everything about her life. Drama is a pain, but so many people at any age cause drama.
Nope! I've never enjoyed her and she's barely been a part of H's life since I've know him. She came over maybe 5-6 weekends a year before she turned 18 (and that's being generous). Now she is on a wrong way track to nowheresville and we have never had anything in common. She lies, she talks about things she knows nothing about and can't stand it when you correct her because she doesn't have the info about something she swears she's knowledgeable on. Now H seems to be fine not having her in his life because all she does is create drama. And, according to her, she will never have kids so no grandkids to worry about!
You need to take responsibility for inviting her into your home if you knew what she was like. She will never do anything right in your eyes. Send her stuff back and communicate expectations better for next time.
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