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Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 10 days ago)
35,636 posts, read 17,982,736 times
Reputation: 50678
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bbtondo
Seems like the only crime that the OP and her DH did was to try to take her SD to Disney in spite of the problems the SD has. Oh! The horror!
Why do most people side with the SD saying to return her items? She's 22! Seems like no one has ever taught the SD the facts of life. Giving into her again, doesn't help the SD at all. It just will continue to "cripple" her. JMHO
Teach her a life lesson. Throw out the crap and get on with your life.
Imagining her life growing up, with divorced parents who don't get along at all, and visiting your dad and his new squeeze a handful of times growing up, why do you expect her to know how to behave without drama? She's learned a lot from her parents, and none of it is helpful information on how to behave decently with close family.
You're expecting social skills that her parents aren't modeling, even now.
This is very sad. Why did she only see her dad 5 or 6 weekends before she turned 18? Maybe that is why she is "on the wrong side of the tracks." As a stepmom, I found things to have in common with my stepchild, I was the adult in the situation.
No where does the OP state the SD is violent, has been in trouble with the law? etc. The daughter states she doesn't want kids, so they don't need to worry about grandkids. She's 22. Plenty of time to change her mind.
Perhaps all the info provided is why the SD dresses the way she does, works in a convenience store (at least she works- nothing wrong with that). This young woman is screaming for help and the stepmom does nothing but condemn everything about her life. Drama is a pain, but so many people at any age cause drama.
She never came over because she either didn't want to come over unless it was convenient for her like if her mom made her mad then she'd want to come over or if she was promised a night out with sushi and stuff bought for her she'd come over. There was never any visitation order made until she was about 14 and even then she and her mother didn't abide by it and H didn't try to enforce it. Or else her mother would come up with excuses as to why she couldn't come over.
And yes, when she was 19 she was in an accident with her then boyfriend and the cops found heroin in her purse which she vehemently denied wasn't hers (uh huh!) and that her boyfriend put it in her purse while she was unconscious in the car. She had to spend 18 months going to court ordered outpatient rehab of some sort. This was the same time her mother called H and told him that we HAD to take her because she was out of control and actually admitted to H that SD was the way she was because of the way her mother raised her. Um no we don't need to take her! Funny how hard she tried to keep SD from H until she turned 18 and once she was 18 she had no problem trying to put her on us because she was too much to handle.
"We had to pay $100 cancellation fee for the plane ticket you didn't use and we got no refund on the plane ticket. So if you want your stuff that you left behind you'll have to send us the money for the mailing costs, plus extra money to compensate for our time and effort and trouble that you've put us through. We think $100 should do the trick and after we receive your payment we'll send the stuff to you."
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Hostage taking? Lordy. Unless they live in a trailer park, they should be above such.
This is very sad. Why did she only see her dad 5 or 6 weekends before she turned 18? Maybe that is why she is "on the wrong side of the tracks." As a stepmom, I found things to have in common with my stepchild, I was the adult in the situation.
No where does the OP state the SD is violent, has been in trouble with the law? etc. The daughter states she doesn't want kids, so they don't need to worry about grandkids. She's 22. Plenty of time to change her mind.
Perhaps all the info provided is why the SD dresses the way she does, works in a convenience store (at least she works- nothing wrong with that). This young woman is screaming for help and the stepmom does nothing but condemn everything about her life. Drama is a pain, but so many people at any age cause drama.
Exactly. Absentee Dad's problems come home to roost. No sympathy for the child of divorce or never married.
Also, a 6 hour round trip to pick up the items vs. mailing is unreasonable. OP is unreasonable.
Imagining her life growing up, with divorced parents who don't get along at all, and visiting your dad and his new squeeze a handful of times growing up, why do you expect her to know how to behave without drama? She's learned a lot from her parents, and none of it is helpful information on how to behave decently with close family.
You're expecting social skills that her parents aren't modeling, even now.
That's my point. She doesn't know how to behave without drama. She doesn't have social skills because she was never taught them. Drama is all she knows. I feel bad for the SD. I assure you she will learn, perhaps the hard way, when her crap is thrown out that her drama doesn't work.
Obviously what the parents have been doing in the past hasn't worked. Try a little tough love and see what happens.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 10 days ago)
35,636 posts, read 17,982,736 times
Reputation: 50678
Quote:
Originally Posted by bbtondo
That's my point. She doesn't know how to behave without drama. She doesn't have social skills because she was never taught them. Drama is all she knows. I feel bad for the SD. I assure you she will learn, perhaps the hard way, when her crap is thrown out that her drama doesn't work.
Obviously what the parents have been doing in the past hasn't worked. Try a little tough love and see what happens.
My point is, the parents are acting worse than the young woman, so they're in no place to teach appropriate behavior.
She's already a 22-year-old who makes bad choices. Do you really think that hanging onto this stuff is going to suddenly do the work her parents should have been doing over the past two decades and teach her grow up?
Yes, SHE should to be doing all that, but she won't just become a different person because you ignored the texts.
Nope! I've never enjoyed her and she's barely been a part of H's life since I've know him. She came over maybe 5-6 weekends a year before she turned 18 (and that's being generous). Now she is on a wrong way track to nowheresville and we have never had anything in common. She lies, she talks about things she knows nothing about and can't stand it when you correct her because she doesn't have the info about something she swears she's knowledgeable on. Now H seems to be fine not having her in his life because all she does is create drama. And, according to her, she will never have kids so no grandkids to worry about!
Bless your heart, you can’t use age as an excuse for your attitude and behavior.
By not mailing the stuff, you're simply prolonging the drama. Mail it and be done with her.
It would probably take less time to pack up and mail the bear than it did to write this post.
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