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I have no desire to tell him to send it back to her. It can disintegrate in the closet for all I care. I think of how many things has she gotten that end up getting lost under a pile of crap or unused when she begged to have them and then can't take care of anything or loses something. No different with the teddy bear. If it's out of her sight for awhile she won't care about it anyways. Good for him for not sending it back! I just don't want to be bothered by BM with texts to please send it back, when it's not even hers anyways, which is why I blocked her.
"To mail or not to mail SD's things to her ..... that is the question!"
The above line is the title of this thread that you started. So whether or not her stuff gets sent back to her IS of concern to you, otherwise you wouldn't have given this thread that title. So don't tell me it can disintegrate in your closet for all you care.
You've made it abundantly clear over and over in all of your posts how much dislike, disdain and disapproval you have for your step-daughter (and her mother that you refer to as a BM - which is short for bowel movement) but all your complaints and personal opinions about your step-daughter and her behaviour is irrelevant to me. I don't care about any of that.
Your husband was the one that told you to block his ex-wife's texts about getting back her dress and her daughter's teddy bear and you did what your husband told you to do. You blocked his ex-wife's texts to you and now you aren't getting any more texts from her.
Problem solved, right? ...... Right??
And yet you are still complaining about the daughter and her stuff.
So again I ask you, what is your real problem now then that is making you so angry? Think about it.
It's not the daughter (who you are protesting about the most and putting so much blame on) or her things in your closet, your real problem is with your husband and with his ex-wife and the fact that she's still yanking your husband's chains ..... and yours too. And you're transferring all your angst and anger over to the daughter instead of to your husband and his ex-wife. So your problem is that you need to resolve your issues of insecurity about your marriage with your husband and the influence that his ex-wife still has over him. The daughter is secondary and is getting the brunt of your misplaced anger because she is the connection between your husband and her mother. You better accept the fact that as long as she still has a relationship with her father she is always going to be the remaining connection between your husband and her mother.
I'm not writing her off. But she did pitch a fit in the middle of the night, and create a good deal of drama, just before going on vacation.
I would not be inclined to reward the behavior by mailing her teddy bear or the dress. I'm denying her nothing.
Over the summer, our grandson lived with us. He's back with his dad now, but his bike and a few of his other possessions are at our house. He knows where they are.
So what? And what does the color of her hair have to do with anything?
You have no idea what damage your husband may have left behind. Put the daughter's stuff in a box, give it to her father, and keep out of it. They need to learn to get along with each other, or find out if they want to.
Recommendations about meeting at the police dept are a bad idea. That's insulting to all concerned. All that happened is a young person had a hissy fit. Unpleasant, but not a big deal, unless you make it one.
Your husband should be posting here about this. Not you. You really aren't involved. And you are in danger of being perceived by all concerned as interfering with a father and his daughter. Possibly even by your husband in the future. They are flesh and blood. He loves her. To put it directly, get out of the way and don't create a bigger problem.
This will work out in the end. Daughter is in a young adult phase, which she'll mature out of. Do you have kids of your own? If not, this step daughter may be the one you rely on in your old age. Or if you have your own kids, how would like their stepmother coming between you and your kids? It's inappropriate. There's a reason family court judges don't speak to step parents at family court hearings.
(Note: My nephew dropped out of college, dyed his hair purple, and moved to New Orleans. He's obviously going through something. But he's a good kid, a kind young man, smart. But his father messed him up a bit when the boy was in his teens, so he has issues to work out. That has nothing to do with him not being a good person or someone who will get his act together. A lot of young people dye their hair weird colors these days.)
My daughter would be devastated if her dad or stepmother ever referred to her that way, and they are not particularly close.
Otherwise I totally agree with Zoesite
I would hope not too but I think she is considered ex-family to the OP, especially since the daughter declared to her dad that he is no longer her father. OP has made it pretty clear what she really thinks of the daughter and her mother and that she feels they are a threat to her marriage.
That's quite an emotional response. You seem to have very strong negative feelings about your husband's child. Do you think you will ever be able to form a bond with her? She will be part of your life forever, and there will likely be grandchildren one day.
Why would you go into “an emotional response” type comments?
Don’t try to judge the OP’ s responses as you are not in her shoes and do not know her family members.
The OP does not need to bond with a SD. SD has her mother to bond with her.
(It would be nice, but not likely, why even try?)
SD may not be a part of the OP’s life “forever”- she is not her child and if SD has children- they were not going to be the OP’s grandchildren- not at the rate this family inflicts drama on the OP.
Looks some people don’t even read the posts by OP and provide their advice non-withstanding.
The OP’s husband told her more than once that “it is not her problem” and to block BM ‘s phone number.
The OP asked for an advice as it seems that she was considering ending the drama by returning all the items left behind. (the majority of people would want to do the same)
My advice to OP: do what is asked by your husband without a second thought regarding his daughter and BM.
Hopefully, DH knows how to deal with his ex- and a daughter- he does not want more conversations, reminders and actions on the OP part- unless he asks for an advice she should stay out of it for the sake of her marriage.
However, I would suggest that OP pays attention to the way her husband deals with personal/ other problems- some day the OP maybe on the other side propped against her husband.
There might be some issues with the husband’s personality as well: he had chosen BM to be the mother of his child, he participated in his daughter’s upbringing- with not so great results. He continues the unfolding drama...
Live and learn.
Why would you go into “an emotional response” type comments?
Because it's relevant.
It's not just that the OP is being emotional. It's the type of emotion she's exhibiting in her posts, a very venomous resentment and dislike. It's understandable that she might feel that way, but it doesn't make it OK and it shows that the OP most likely isn't trying to be a positive influence on her husband in this situation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nik4me
Don’t try to judge the OP’ s responses as you are not in her shoes and do not know her family members.
LOL you think most of us haven't had family and/or friends who act like this? It takes almost no time to recognize this kind of messiness.
Regardless of what one might conjecture about the OP, her feelings, her motives, ... , she's trying to decide whether to send the stuff back or not.
I say stay out of it.
If it were me, I would text back the daughter and her mother that I was staying out of it, that this was between her and her father.
Then let them figure it out.
Personally, I have never had much success with insisting that others comply with my demands. This could be an ideal opportunity for them to develop a more mature approach to interaction.
Regardless of what one might conjecture about the OP, her feelings, her motives, ... , she's trying to decide whether to send the stuff back or not.
I say stay out of it.
She never was trying to decide, though. That's not conjecture. It's right there in the OP.
From the very first post, she already knew despite the thread title that she most definitely WAS NOT going to send it no matter what, and she was giddy about it, enjoying having this one over on her stepdaughter and the girl's mom.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mapper71
I guess this is a good lesson on you can’t always get what you want.
... Yup I sound like a cold-hearted ***** who won’t send SD’s teddy bear back but oh well! She and all her issues and problems are NOT my problem.
Most reasonable people here agree that SHE shouldn't make the decision about returning the stuff, that it's on the dad, but let's not act like the OP is in a moral quandary. She's perfectly happy to NOT do what these other two women have asked.
So what? And what does the color of her hair have to do with anything?
You have no idea what damage your husband may have left behind. Put the daughter's stuff in a box, give it to her father, and keep out of it. They need to learn to get along with each other, or find out if they want to.
Recommendations about meeting at the police dept are a bad idea. That's insulting to all concerned. All that happened is a young person had a hissy fit. Unpleasant, but not a big deal, unless you make it one.
Your husband should be posting here about this. Not you. You really aren't involved. And you are in danger of being perceived by all concerned as interfering with a father and his daughter. Possibly even by your husband in the future. They are flesh and blood. He loves her. To put it directly, get out of the way and don't create a bigger problem.
This will work out in the end. Daughter is in a young adult phase, which she'll mature out of. Do you have kids of your own? If not, this step daughter may be the one you rely on in your old age. Or if you have your own kids, how would like their stepmother coming between you and your kids? It's inappropriate. There's a reason family court judges don't speak to step parents at family court hearings.
(Note: My nephew dropped out of college, dyed his hair purple, and moved to New Orleans. He's obviously going through something. But he's a good kid, a kind young man, smart. But his father messed him up a bit when the boy was in his teens, so he has issues to work out. That has nothing to do with him not being a good person or someone who will get his act together. A lot of young people dye their hair weird colors these days.)
Why did you quote me? I'm not the step mom. And I have no issues with the color of the girl's hair.
"To mail or not to mail SD's things to her ..... that is the question!"
The above line is the title of this thread that you started. So whether or not her stuff gets sent back to her IS of concern to you, otherwise you wouldn't have given this thread that title. So don't tell me it can disintegrate in your closet for all you care.
You've made it abundantly clear over and over in all of your posts how much dislike, disdain and disapproval you have for your step-daughter (and her mother that you refer to as a BM - which is short for bowel movement) but all your complaints and personal opinions about your step-daughter and her behaviour is irrelevant to me. I don't care about any of that.
Your husband was the one that told you to block his ex-wife's texts about getting back her dress and her daughter's teddy bear and you did what your husband told you to do. You blocked his ex-wife's texts to you and now you aren't getting any more texts from her.
Problem solved, right? ...... Right??
And yet you are still complaining about the daughter and her stuff.
So again I ask you, what is your real problem now then that is making you so angry? Think about it.
It's not the daughter (who you are protesting about the most and putting so much blame on) or her things in your closet, your real problem is with your husband and with his ex-wife and the fact that she's still yanking your husband's chains ..... and yours too. And you're transferring all your angst and anger over to the daughter instead of to your husband and his ex-wife. So your problem is that you need to resolve your issues of insecurity about your marriage with your husband and the influence that his ex-wife still has over him. The daughter is secondary and is getting the brunt of your misplaced anger because she is the connection between your husband and her mother. You better accept the fact that as long as she still has a relationship with her father she is always going to be the remaining connection between your husband and her mother.
.
Actually I'm just seeing what other people would do in my situation, but I am perfectly fine not getting it back to her.
By the way, yes I guess BM DOES stand for bowel movement, but on here it stands for Biological Mother!
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