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So long story short, SD22 was supposed to go on vacation with me an DH last month to Disney and visit relatives. Well she's basically doing nothing with her life other than working at a convenience store, dyeing her hair all crazy colors, smoking pot and playing video games. She has said numerous times that she wants to go and be an esthestician but never applies for school. 3 years ago she was a totally different person. Fashionable, skinny, going to be a nurse, but has since met a hippie boyfriend and now dresses in plaid and baggy clothes, gained significant weight, doesn't shave her legs or pits, doesn't shower. H tried to talk to her about doing something more with her life to which she took offense to and had a screaming meltdown and told him she hated him, he's not her father and to never contact her again. She called her mother who is 3 hours away and mother got her an Uber at 2AM to go wherever. BM to the rescue as always since SD apparently can't even afford an Uber! We had to cancel her part of the flight and the Disney hotel room with less than 24 hours to go so THAT was awesome! She ended up leaving her teddy bear (a 22 yr old who totes her teddy bear with her!), her mother’s dress (which she said was hers) her headphones, her jack to a game console and some makeup behind in her rush to get out. Not the first time she’s left stuff behind. Practically every visit she forgets something because she never gives any thought to doing anything. SD texts me at 3:30 AM and says to send back the dress because it’s her mother’s. I show H and he replies with “This is John (not dad because she said he’s not her father so he’s rolling with that). I’ll send it out when my wife and I return from our vacation”. A few hours later at 5:30AM her mother texted ME, not H, but ME who she has never spoken to asking ME to send back her bear and other things. The bear that she has had since she was 2 years old and it’s filthy as hell! I told H this and he told me to ignore the message and block BM or to tell her to contact H and leave me out of it because it’s not my problem. And it isn’t my problem. H just took all the stuff SD left behind and threw it in our closet. I didn’t send any answer to BM.
Well yesterday, exactly one month later, BM texts me AGAIN and this time also includes H telling us to send back the bear. H never followed through on sending the things back and probably won’t. She doesn’t care about anything else, but to send back the bear. Once again H tells me to block BM, which I do. I’m sorry that SD left behind her bear, but this isn’t my problem. H can deal with her and SD and sending back everything. If SD wouldn’t have had a screaming fit like a 3 year old, she wouldn’t have left it behind in a rush to leave at 2AM so I guess this is a good lesson on you can’t always get what you want. And why is BM the one texting both of us? Why can’t SD send a text? Once again, BM to the rescue! If SD is so insistent on getting it back then she should send the text! Yup I sound like a cold-hearted ***** who won’t send SD’s teddy bear back but oh well! She and all her issues and problems are NOT my problem.
If I were you, I would stay out of the mess. As the Step-mother, whatever you do will eventually come back to bite you. Either your husband will be angry because you got in the middle of "his" family problems, or SD and BM will begin to use you as a pawn in their games. I would reply to the text from BM that they need to work out their issue with John, and that you will no longer be accepting their texts or calls.
If I were you, I would stay out of the mess. As the Step-mother, whatever you do will eventually come back to bite you. Either your husband will be angry because you got in the middle of "his" family problems, or SD and BM will begin to use you as a pawn in their games. I would reply to the text from BM that they need to work out their issue with John, and that you will no longer be accepting their texts or calls.
Well he put everything away in the closet so it's not my problem. If I went and sent the things, he'd be mad I did it. If I don't then BM is mad, but oh well. Plus, this last text she said she sent to both of us so not like he didn't see it. She shouldn't be dragging me into the whole thing anyway. The only reason she is is because she thinks I'll be nice and send it back where she knows he won't. BM shouldn't be involved in the first place! It's SD's bear and SD's stuff so why isn't SD the one sending the texts??
By not mailing the stuff, you're simply prolonging the drama. Mail it and be done with her.
Eh...I don't know.
I don't think I'd bend over for them either. I'd be like "If you want this stuff, we can make arrangements for you to come and get it." Seems like the onus is on them. If that bear and dress are so important, they can come pick them up.
Well he put everything away in the closet so it's not my problem. If I went and sent the things, he'd be mad I did it. If I don't then BM is mad, but oh well. Plus, this last text she said she sent to both of us so not like he didn't see it. She shouldn't be dragging me into the whole thing anyway. The only reason she is is because she thinks I'll be nice and send it back where she knows he won't. BM shouldn't be involved in the first place! It's SD's bear and SD's stuff so why isn't SD the one sending the texts??
Block the Mother without any reply. Let your husband deal with that: don’t ever bring it up in any way unless he starts this conversation and it is appropriate for you to express your opinion and/ or give the advice ( at that point you could volunteer to send the bear back)
Does the SD have a key to the house? The bear could end up being “kidnapped”!
I don't think I'd bend over for them either. I'd be like "If you want this stuff, we can make arrangements for you to come and get it." Seems like the onus is on them. If that bear and dress are so important, they can come pick them up.
That's not just prolonging drama, it's pretty much inviting more drama.
Block the Mother without any reply. Let your husband deal with that: don’t ever bring it up in any way unless he starts this conversation and it is appropriate for you to express your opinion and/ or give the advice ( at that point you could volunteer to send the bear back)
Does the SD have a key to the house? The bear could end up being “kidnapped”!
I have already blocked the mother's number without reply. She's done a lot of nasty **** in the 10 years I've known her so this is nothing! There is absolutely no reason she should ever have to contact me, yet she does because she thinks she can be all charming to me and I'll do her bidding, which I won't! I do not have the step daughter's number blocked because I'm sure she will never contact me, although blocking her would assure she wouldn't. No, SD doesn't have a key to the house, although we do have a spare outside and I think she knows where it is. But like I said, very unlikely she's going to travel 3 hours to come for it.
Just in general, NONE of this should be my problem and I shouldn't feel bad about ANY of it. SD can woman up and speak directly to her father if she wants it so bad.
That's not just prolonging drama, it's pretty much inviting more drama.
I don't know. To me, it's just simply saying "If you want this stuff, you know where it is. Come and get it." Why pay postage for SD's dramatic exit? I wouldn't.
Although, I think OP should continue to ignore BM, as she has been doing. And let dad/husband handle it any way he sees fit.
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