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Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 27 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,362,200 times
Reputation: 5382
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Parnassia
THIS! Sorry OP but IMHO YOU sound like the crazy one here. Controlling, suspicious, possessive, in it for no one but yourself...not for the benefit of this BF. You admitted you'd drop him like a hot rock for being generous with anyone other than you. Not for one second do I believe that you "kindly told" his acquaintance anything.
Let me ask you this question, would you put up with a spouse or someone you strongly thought about marrying to allow others mooch off of him/her?
Ftr, I didn’t use any threats of violence. I’m not stupid. I simply told her stop taking advantage of him and shouldn’t be borrowing money from a man who isn’t her spouse or boyfriend
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lodestar
If he knows this and wants to marry you he will change. If he still does the behaviors you don't like he probably isn't too motivated to marry you.
You can't make this change happen. He has to do it.
But I'm puzzled why you would want to marry someone you have so little respect for. If you can't accept him the way he is now there is almost zero chance of him changing after marriage.
Has it ever occurred to you that you both may be using each other?
Yeah, obviously he isn’t too motivated to marry me otherwise he’d be more concerned with paying down his debt. Getting into a marriage when one has a boatload of debt is never a good idea.
I don’t feel like we’re using each other. He usually controls our relationship in what we do on a lot of things since we believe God is the head then man then woman
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundaydrive00
That's not what you said in your first post though. It makes sense that you would want him to get his finances in order before getting married, but you don't want to marry him because he's a spinless doormat who can't stand up for himself. Does he know this is how you really feel about him? If so, I guess it must be true because I can't think of any other reason a man would stay with a woman that has such a low opinion of him. But then, I also can't figure out why you would stay with a man you think so little of. Especially if you feel he is emotionally cheating on you.
I never called him a spineless doormat. I have however reminded him to let other people pay their own way and stop feeling sorry for other friends’ money problems that makes him feel obligated to help out.
Spot on about discussing finances before marriage and getting things out in the open. If they’re unwilling to change about something that isn’t right, then that person isn’t ready for marriage
Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist
He is generous with others, but is in debt?
RUN! Run far away from this shnook. Marrying him will lead to a lifetime of misery. Find someone else who is smarter, smart enough not to let people use him, smart enough to be fiscally responsible.
Yes, I was shocked when he told me his money problems but yet is generous with others. I’m sure he’s been doing that for God only knows how long bc he acts like it’s no big deal
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC
I'm sitting here wishing for a transcript of the conversation where you "kindly" told her to scram.
*easily entertained*
Be my guest. I didn’t use any words of profanity or use any tone of violence. I’m not stupid.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LilLisa83
So your thought process is it's weak and disrespectful to yourself to get financial help from someone? Hmm ok
If you don't plan on marrying him, why do you care about any of this???!!!
Your issue is with him. You sound very rude to be calling your boyfriend names...
Tell me this, would you be happy if your spouse or significant other was allowing someone to mooch money especially from someone of the opposite sex?
I really don't know why my boyfriend allows so-called friends walk all over him.
He has self-esteem issues and desperately wants to be liked.
You've talked before about some of the things he does for other people who never reciprocate. What else could it be other than buying friends? Of course it's ultimately self-defeating because the kind of people who associate with you only because you give them money or favors are never your friends. As you've noted, people are quick to spot an easy mark.
You can't fix him. Maybe therapy could, but that would have to be his decision. He probably doesn't think there's anything strange about what he does.
Happy, if you choose to believe that it is divine will that your husband should lead you, then you really MUST choose a better man for your husband. Money issues are the most common reason that people divorce. Charity begins at home, and if this man is in debt, yet gives away money to other people, how will you feel when your own needs (not wants, NEEDS, like food, clothing, shelter, healthcare, old age care) are being compromised because he has given away your money (and when you marry, his debts are YOUR debts, and your money is HIS money), no matter to whom and no matter how righteous the cause? How will you feel when he puts other people ahead of you, and even ahead of your children together?
Marriage counselors say that the marriage is irretrievably broken when one partner has contempt for the other. The way you have written about him, it's clear you have contempt for his foolishness about money, and rightly so. Do NOT make the mistake of marrying this man. End it, and find someone else. If your concern is that he gives away money he doesn't have to another woman, how much more of a red flag is that for you?
So? He goes around begging people to wipe their feet on him. "Doormat" seems apt. I could never respect anyone like that, either.
But unlike the OP, you probably wouldn't get in a long term relationship with someone you don't respect. That's the question Happy doesn't want to answer. Does her boyfriend know how little she thinks of him? Does he know she thinks of him as a doormat...a sucker... someone who can't stand up for himself?
But unlike the OP, you probably wouldn't get in a long term relationship with someone you don't respect. That's the question Happy doesn't want to answer. Does her boyfriend know how little she thinks of him? Does he know she thinks of him as a doormat...a sucker... someone who can't stand up for himself?
Probably. Because he is.
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Mutual acquaintance threatens to call police bc I kindly told her stop taking advantage of my boyfriend
