Mutual acquaintance threatens to call police bc I kindly told her stop taking advantage of my boyfriend (father, kiss)

[HappyFarm34]

Originally Posted by stanley-88888888

from the o.p., not sure how the police got involved ?

unless by kindly told her, you mean stop talking to my man or i'll kick your a--; then, she threatened to have you charged with misdemeanor assault.

I've been on this Earth long enough knowing that using any threat of violence when having a problem with someone can land me in jail.

She's not the brightest bulb in the shed. She chose to blow things out of proportion bc if my boyfriend stops letting her mooch money from him, then she'll have find someone else mooch money from.

I was actually being nice to her that she can remain friends with my boyfriend but don't borrow money.

The way I talk on C-D is similar how I talk in real life.

Originally Posted by parentologist

Happy, if you choose to believe that it is divine will that your husband should lead you, then you really MUST choose a better man for your husband. Money issues are the most common reason that people divorce. Charity begins at home, and if this man is in debt, yet gives away money to other people, how will you feel when your own needs (not wants, NEEDS, like food, clothing, shelter, healthcare, old age care) are being compromised because he has given away your money (and when you marry, his debts are YOUR debts, and your money is HIS money), no matter to whom and no matter how righteous the cause? How will you feel when he puts other people ahead of you, and even ahead of your children together?

Marriage counselors say that the marriage is irretrievably broken when one partner has contempt for the other. The way you have written about him, it's clear you have contempt for his foolishness about money, and rightly so. Do NOT make the mistake of marrying this man. End it, and find someone else. If your concern is that he gives away money he doesn't have to another woman, how much more of a red flag is that for you?

Wonderful advice my friend. You said it well. He obviously doesn't love me enough to marry if he's unwilling to fix his financial mess & taking care of his own needs first before helping others

We have discussed marriage & he understands why I won't. Not everyone gets married while being in a long-term relationship. One of my Uncles is that person who has been with his girlfriend over 25 years

Originally Posted by Sundaydrive00

But unlike the OP, you probably wouldn't get in a long term relationship with someone you don't respect. That's the question Happy doesn't want to answer. Does her boyfriend know how little she thinks of him? Does he know she thinks of him as a doormat...a sucker... someone who can't stand up for himself?

I had talked to him about it & quit letting his friends take advantage of his kindness. He did cut it down a bit. For whatever reason he feels the need to earn their affection by allowing them to mooch money

[maiden_fern]

Look up the term co-dependence, I think you will find some aspects that will apply to you. You can’t control the actions of others, you can only control how you react.

[Inkpoe]

Originally Posted by HappyFarm34

I had talked to him about it & quit letting his friends take advantage of his kindness. He did cut it down a bit. For whatever reason he feels the need to earn their affection by allowing them to mooch money

His "friends" are not taking advantage of him. This was a CHOICE that your bf willfully and knowingly made. He's already has suffered the consequences and still continues that behavior. He's already been talked to about his behavior... And he continues regardless.

The thing about being a mature adult? You need to accept when things are happening beyond your control. Your choices here as a mature adult are to either accept that your bf will continue this behavior and just let it be -or- end the relationship just so you do not have to be affected by what your boyfriend's doing. There's really no need to be micromanaging here... The "friends" will ask and he'll likely just give. Your efforts will be for nothing. Just let him suffer the consequences and remind yourself and him: This was a CHOICE he willfully and knowingly made.

[Nik4me]

Originally Posted by HappyFarm34

To me she sounds psycho, so no, I won't contact her again. I don't trust her and don't nee the law involved when trying to have a calm, honest discussion with her about what she was doing that i felt was wrong and taking advantage of my boyfriend. I had tried contacting her twice in 2 weeks wanting to chat. She refused respond to my messages & complained to my boyfriend.

I had found out he paid for her phone bill. She claims to pay him back which hasn't happened yet. I know that story almost too well from personal experience that most people don't pay back when borrowing money from others.

My boyfriend is a doormat to a T. I know he isn't having a fling with her. He's a sucker for needy people listening to their "woe is me" stories and then helping him out financially even when he can't afford it himself. Even I don't ask my boyfriend to help pay for my bills or groceries. For one, I have enough respect for myself not to be a gold digger in a man's wallet knowing I don't plan marrying him. I refuse to marry someone who can't stand up for himself when someone else, especially another woman borrows money knowing they probably won't pay back. It may not be physical cheating but it's definitely almost like "emotional cheating"

I had met this woman several years ago. From the get go, I got a bad vibe from her and avoided her. She barely knew me and was begging for rides. I said no. After a bad experience, I'm very guarded in helping others. She doesn't have a license. Not really sure. She used to, I think then something happened. Since then, she relied on public transportation. She also used to same Church as me and my boyfriend then dropped out.

I really don't know why my boyfriend allows so-called friends walk all over him. It's just not her. I've witnessed others looking for a hand out. I have talked to him about being careful not allowing others to take advantage. It's like he doesn't care. He's prime target for someone to financially abuse him because he's so passive when others want his help and he doesn't say no. He's pushing middle-aged and I worry as he gets older they'll continue to take advantage of his kindness. My boyfriend has his own financial problems knowing this because he told me. It's like he cares more about other people needs before his own. I don't get it. I don't really understand why he's so desperate to hang on to this friendship with her. She chose to drop out of the Church. A lot of people in our social circle don't like her because she's a user.

Something tells me she is right to call the police on you.

She has nothing to do with you: yet you contacted her twice over two weeks.
Bet, that you have used the tone of voice/ language that was surly and perhaps threatening to that woman.
Are you supporting your BF? Why is it your business how he spends his money?
You sound like a controlling person, perhaps on aggressive side...
She is right to be afraid of you.
Talk to your BF.
Talk to a counselor- why does it bother you so much...
With the woman like you by his side ( judging on your description of him) no wonder that he feels perhaps the need to do favors to other people to just feel like an important person and a cool respected guy.

[double6's]

have a threesome...problem solved..

[HappyFarm34]

Originally Posted by Nik4me

Something tells me she is right to call the police on you.

She has nothing to do with you: yet you contacted her twice over two weeks.
Bet, that you have used the tone of voice/ language that was surly and perhaps threatening to that woman.
Are you supporting your BF? Why is it your business how he spends his money?
You sound like a controlling person, perhaps on aggressive side...
She is right to be afraid of you.
Talk to your BF.
Talk to a counselor- why does it bother you so much...
With the woman like you by his side ( judging on your description of him) no wonder that he feels perhaps the need to do favors to other people to just feel like an important person and a cool respected guy.

I sent her FB message so didn’t actually talk to her & once by text message.

I buy my boyfriend gifts occassionally, other than that I don’t support him in any way financially.

I will talk to my boyfriend which I should of done in first place.

I show him my love with affection & kissing. And lots of it.....

Originally Posted by double6's

have a threesome...problem solved..

Gross!

[Nik4me]

Originally Posted by HappyFarm34

I sent her FB message so didn’t actually talk to her & once by text message.

I buy my boyfriend gifts occassionally, other than that I don’t support him in any way financially.

I will talk to my boyfriend which I should of done in first place.

I show him my love with affection & kissing. And lots of it.....

!

You sound like a strong person. Hope you can improve your relationship with your BF.
Marriage/ relationship is not only about love and affection, but an understanding, respect, support and trust.
Good luck.

[nobodysbusiness]

OP: This is your boyfriends concern (or not) and not yours. Has nothing at all to do with you.

[kokonutty]

I wonder if the guy knows he's the OP's "boyfriend."

[ContraPagan]

Originally Posted by HappyFarm34

I show him my love with affection & kissing. And lots of it.....

That's only going to last for so long if you badmouth him to his face the way you are doing behind his back on this thread.