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When she/he starts in with the random discussion keep your head down for a moment, then just look up from your work all distracted like and interrupt them and say "I'm sorry, did you NEED something?".
I like this. I sometimes do something similar by replying only with "mmm, uh-huh, really?" and at least one "sorry, what?" to let them know I'm too distracted by whatever I'm doing to follow what they're saying.
Personal questions are met with "I'm sorry, that's personal and not something I care to talk about". Gossip can be met with "We don't know what really happened and I'm uncomfortable talking about this when so and so isn't here to give their side of the story."
Fair advice. But I never said SHE was uninteresting, her topics of conversation are uninteresting. I'm not discounting her as a person.
The other day, I walked in the break room and she already latched onto someone else. His eyes were glazing over, while she was complaining "my daughter doesn't clean her apartment, but I pay the rent!" Like what the hell lady, we're not your psychiatrist.
Many people have emotions that are hard to deal with. It's easy for a person to say "go find a psychiatrist." Most psychiatrist's are only available during certain time slots that don't always bode well with work schedules. It's nice (and not always an option) to be able to talk to a closer friend from time to time. As humans, some of us will default to the person near us even if we don't know the person that well.
Could be a potential friend worth having if you are willing and can listen to her, a little. This is the type of person you could start complaining about something back a little and she if she listens or sticks to her own thoughts too much.
Instead of ignoring her, you could've told her that she can ask her daughter to move out on her own if she won't follow rules, or she has to live with this situation. You still could if you bump into her again and tell her you thought about what she said before.
Many people have emotions that are hard to deal with. It's easy for a person to say "go find a psychiatrist." Most psychiatrist's are only available during certain time slots that don't always bode well with work schedules. It's nice (and not always an option) to be able to talk to a closer friend from time to time. As humans, some of us will default to the person near us even if we don't know the person that well.
Could be a potential friend worth having if you are willing and can listen to her, a little. This is the type of person you could start complaining about something back a little and she if she listens or sticks to her own thoughts too much.
Instead of ignoring her, you could've told her that she can ask her daughter to move out on her own if she won't follow rules, or she has to live with this situation. You still could if you bump into her again and tell her you thought about what she said before.
Why in the world would the OP do that? OP is not interested in hearing her personal problems. Not interested in helping her. Not interested in being a "closer friend". What part of that did you miss in OP's posts? He/she wasn't being serious about the psychiatrist thing, they're just saying "find someone whose business it is to listen to your stories, don't pin down your co-workers". "Defaulting to someone near us" is not appropriate in all instances, and definitely not when you are interrupting people's work or whining about your kids to whomever is forced to share the break room.
Last edited by TheShadow; 02-04-2020 at 11:22 AM..
You’ve gotten lots of advice and sympathy. Here’s what I think. Tell the coworker that you want to concentrate on work while at work. Tell her that you cannot help her with her personal problems. Ask her to not to stop by with any except work related matters. This is explicit and reasonable.
If she persists, keep records of her visits, and escalate to manager or HR.
I have this annoying coworker who will approach me to tell me some boring story or opinion she has, and I couldn't care less. If not that she is asking nosy questions.
She is too stupid to take hints. I have my back turned to her and give minimal replies. Would this response be warranted?
Yes, the way you're doing it is rude.
It's fine to occasionally say, "Sorry, but I don't have time right now - I have to finish this" or even "I know a lot of people are really focused on the environment, but communal garbage consolidation just isn't something I'm interested in."
You cannot just forever give your co-worker a cold shoulder. You owe her some minimal attention. However, if you can figure out how to politely disagree with her very strongly and with great detail, she may bother you less. Like "I know a lot of people like Tom Cruise but since I not only think he's a mediocre actor, but I object to his politics, I really have completely lost interest in him."
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cida
Yes, the way you're doing it is rude.
It's fine to occasionally say, "Sorry, but I don't have time right now - I have to finish this" or even "I know a lot of people are really focused on the environment, but communal garbage consolidation just isn't something I'm interested in."
You cannot just forever give your co-worker a cold shoulder. You owe her some minimal attention. However, if you can figure out how to politely disagree with her very strongly and with great detail, she may bother you less. Like "I know a lot of people like Tom Cruise but since I not only think he's a mediocre actor, but I object to his politics, I really have completely lost interest in him."
Disagree. The OP owes her coworker attention as it relates to on the job matters. If it doesn’t have to do with work, the OP owes nothing and any attention outside of work matters is a gift and not an obligation. With the chatty types, you 95% have to take a hard and direct line with them or they’ll never shut the hell up. I know this from experience.
We all say things others may not be interested in but most get it out in seconds, not minutes.
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