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OP, have you ever heard someone described as being "toxic"? Some people simply refuse to interact with toxic people, unless they are forced to in some way. I had one of them in my life for 40 years, and then three years later, I had another one in my life -- and what did they have in common? They were both controlling manipulators, and they refused to take any responsibility for anything they did wrong -- it was always the fault of the person they were angry with. Everyone advised me to limit my interaction with them as much as possible, but as I couldn't eliminate them from my life entirely, I did so as much as possible.
I don't have conversations through text with people, I am not obligated to instantly respond to them no matter how they contact me.
Absolutely. Someone's need to contact me does not automatically obligate me to respond - in that manner and at that time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness
I am the kind of person who quickly responds to emails, phone calls, and texts.
How annoying for anyone in your presence. You'll ignore the person in front of you because someone not there wants to chat about the moon, weather, or a new hair color.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness
Yes - she said she was not on that wavelength, which is totally understandable - I don't have any issue with that and will most likely discuss it when she returns.
it was 100% to assist her with something very important to her.
Then just put that info in the text so she has the info. No need to try to obligate her to respond to you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WRM20
I don't text while driving, while working, or in many other situations. I will get back to you when I get back to you. Life is much easier when you don't obsess over what anyone else is thinking or doing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness
Ok. Got it. I am "neurotic and needy" for expecting a simple courtesy acknowledgement (even if "k") to the receipt of a text to a family member.
I hope all of the "mean people" get their karma in their loved ones not responding to them so they can see how it feels to be left hanging.
A text is a conversation starter . . . it is not done in a vacuum. There are two people involved and communication "should be" courteous and reciprocal.
There is no reason, after 24 hours, why a person could not respond with "k" or "talk later." If you think that's too much to ask, then I think you have little regard for the people trying to communicate with you.
And I know. It's your "right" not to care about others or how your behavior might impact them.
The world is so uncivil today.
If you teach your kids about common courtesy, be sure to tell them not to give a crap about other people and to think only of themselves at all times.
Boy, you are so hung up on this instant gratification - sounds like a 2 year old. I used to call my cellphone, my car phone. Why? Because that's where it was all the time. I had/have no use to have a conversation on a cell phone or in those instant messages unless it is previously arranged (like when I do a rescue transport). Being in the car, and only for MY convenience, I didn't check messages. If you wanted my attention, send me an email. I check those daily.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness
The lack of acknowledgement was the problem.
If she had simply texted back "ok," that would have been enough.
I was excited and wanted to share something with her, but I would have totally understood if she was not available to talk and had simply acknowledged my text.
And I know there is no changing people who are inconsiderate - I sometimes forget and never expected to get no response at all.
I think it would be a funny experiment the next time she texts me to not respond (I would never do that) - she would go ballistic! Can you imagine? She texts me and nothing . . . and after she tries again I would say "I am not glued to my phone." It's just so dysfunctional and disrespectful to ignore people. There are social conventions because common courtesy does matter in life.
So she's inconsiderate for not interrupting a live conversation in a business situation just because you have a need to chat. I check my cellphone messages once a week. I pay for the phone/line and it is for MY convenience. Yes, I still have friends - imagine that - who are also not tied to their phones. Some people have a life - and that life doesn't revolve around a cell phone.
There is a story - guy who lives in Maine, sitting on his porch with a friend. The phone rings in the house. After a while, guest asks if the Mainer plans to answer the phone. He says, "the phone is for my convenience. Right now, I'm enjoying my time on my porch with you, my friend. If I weren't home, I wouldn't be able to answer either. Some things are more important - and right now, that's you." And I add, I pay for it, not the caller, so I get to decide whether to answer. It makes no difference if it's an actual voice call or a text message.
When you decide to pay for your cousin/friend's cell phone, you get to decide when/how they will answer/respond. Until then, you do you; but you don't get to make the rules for any one else.
I have a relative who says she loves me. I texted her yesterday to tell her I would like to talk to her when she has time. She is away on business and I know that - I just wanted to say, "When you have time, let's talk" (and told her what it was regarding). Silence.
Today I tried again. More silence.
She finally responded that she was at dinner and could we talk when she returns home in a few days.
Totally acceptable, and she could have said that instead of ignoring messages.
She called me to say she is not glued to her phone (except she is because of business) and she just saw my message on her watch. She thinks it's perfectly acceptable to not respond at all.
This is the type of person you cannot argue with - she has a bad temper, and is unable to see another person's point-of-view.
I know this about her, but still I texted because I wanted to talk to her about something. It didn't occur to me she might not respond AT ALL.
I think a text saying "Can we talk about this when I get home? I am super busy," would have been no big deal. To leave someone just hanging is not cool.
I asked her what she would do if she texted her fiancé and he didn't respond and she said she would call him. I called her and it went to voice mail!
Just inconsiderate (and the irony is that I wanted to run something by her that would benefit her).
And she says she "loves" me (but has no regard for simple courtesies).
/rant almost over
I don't think this has anything to do with "love," although if you're an adult, you should have learned by now that love entails different things for different people. Besides, your text clearly indicated there was no urgency.
I suggest that perhaps you should stop texting in general, or at least stop texting vaguely. Next time, try, "I'd really like to talk to you, preferably tonight, for some advice on the work problem I mentioned. Any chance you'd have time around 8pm?"
To the OP: your expectations sound exhausting to me. You expect too much from people.
People like texting because it allows them to control when and how they communicate. Not everyone is prone to answer immediately. And some of us actually turn our ringers off if we need to be left alone for awhile.
Let this go. I think you demand too much from the people close to you. That’s my opinion,
To the OP: your expectations sound exhausting to me. You expect too much from people.
People like texting because it allows them to control when and how they communicate. Not everyone is prone to answer immediately. And some of us actually turn our ringers off if we need to be left alone for awhile.
Let this go. I think you demand too much from the people close to you. That’s my opinion,
Cool.
Thanks for sharing.
I didn't write this problem for you or your approval. I was venting, as is clearly stated in the OP.
I don't think this has anything to do with "love," although if you're an adult, you should have learned by now that love entails different things for different people. Besides, your text clearly indicated there was no urgency.
I suggest that perhaps you should stop texting in general, or at least stop texting vaguely. Next time, try, "I'd really like to talk to you, preferably tonight, for some advice on the work problem I mentioned. Any chance you'd have time around 8pm?"
Yes, this does have to do with "love." She glibly claims she "loves" me in every conversation, but her actions don't feel loving to me.
Actual "love" requires loving actions, not just empty words.
OP, have you ever heard someone described as being "toxic"? Some people simply refuse to interact with toxic people, unless they are forced to in some way. I had one of them in my life for 40 years, and then three years later, I had another one in my life -- and what did they have in common? They were both controlling manipulators, and they refused to take any responsibility for anything they did wrong -- it was always the fault of the person they were angry with. Everyone advised me to limit my interaction with them as much as possible, but as I couldn't eliminate them from my life entirely, I did so as much as possible.
Is it possible that some people in your life might consider you to be a "toxic person" in their lives?
Or perhaps the person you talking about is actually toxic to you, and you would be better off if you tried to limit your interaction with her or him.
No. We just have different ways of being in the world. We mostly respect each other and have figured out how to get along, and even in this case, I just let it go (and vented here, which some people don't seem to be able to comprehend is something that helped me process my disappointment at being ignored).
I don’t think it’s rude to wait to answer a text, especially if one is working or conversing with a client. I always wait till a more convenient time to answer a social call/text. Your friend was working and it wouldn’t look good for her to pick up her phone in a middle of a meeting, read your message and text you back. My husband couldn’t always answer my texts either, but did when he could. Your friend wasn’t being rude, just being responsible.
Nope. It was more than 24 hours and she was not working for a good majority of those hours (as I sent the first text in the late afternoon in my time zone and it was early evening in hers).
Once again, a simple "k" would have sufficed. Didn't need any of her time at all.
Nope. It was more than 24 hours and she was not working for a good majority of those hours (as I sent the first text in the late afternoon in my time zone and it was early evening in hers).
Once again, a simple "k" would have sufficed. Didn't need any of her time at all.
Her life doesn’t revolve around your text, she could have forgotten.
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