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I completely agree! Yet in every workplace there is a manager or department head or supervisor or fellow workers who constantly try to promote closeness among workers by scheduling activities outside of work and by making it seem like one must attend, and who are seeking friends from the workplace in a coercive manner, and will not just let people work and leave each day!
Not to mention all the activities at work - get-togethers for birthdays, holidays, etc - with pressure to attend.
Oh c'mon. Most competent professionals understand the difference between expressing workplace camaraderie and falling in to workplace romance! A lot of it has to do with maturity and self control. You've either got that or you don't.
I completely agree! Yet in every workplace there is a manager or department head or supervisor or fellow workers who constantly try to promote closeness among workers by scheduling activities outside of work and by making it seem like one must attend, and who are seeking friends from the workplace in a coercive manner, and will not just let people work and leave each day!
Not to mention all the activities at work - get-togethers for birthdays, holidays, etc - with pressure to attend.
The department madam:>)
Been there, done that and never showed up.
I think everyone needs to relax a little. Let me clarify some things.
Yes Beth is an insane narcissist. BUT I genuinely loved and cared for this person. She didn’t grow up in the most stable home, and for me, the good out-weighed the bad. We did everything together and told each other things you don’t tell anyone (worst insecurities). I will never forgive her or talk to her again, but looking back, I can see why I overlooked her toxic ways. And yes, I’ll admit, the fact that she pulled me out of my shell was nice. Not worth my well being though.
Ashley’s last relationship was long term, and the guy cheated on her multiple times. She had crazy insecurities about me before we got serious. She confided in Beth for reassurance, thinking she’s my best friend, who turned the tables on everyone. So Ashley started thinking, If her best friend who she loves (I talked about how much I love Beth all the time) is saying she’s no good, what the hell am I doing with her. We are both past that point and have had no issues since we cut Beth out of our lives. Ashley works at a different part of the building now anyways.
Why’s everyone so mad on here? Lol.
Thanks for all the advice from the nice helpful people. I definitely agree that getting too close with coworkers is a road destined to fail. But with Ashley, I had a real connection with her. I’m not a hopeless romantic and don’t fall for people easily. My last relationship was 4 years ago. I very much like being single. I’m glad I went for it because we’re both happy as ever.
But her problem is with a person she's NOT dating. And the problem isn't that she's dating a coworker, but that she's dating anyone at all.
It's a bit hard to tell people not to socialize and be friendly with people they spend most of their waking hours with for most of their life. That's why workplaces try to encourage people to get along. Most people spend more time around their coworkers than around their own family. A bit difficult when they're all supposed to act like stranger robots to each other.
Besides, where someone is even so much as an acquaintance, there's going to be drama. There are a million threads here about that-- drama in workplaces, in gyms, in organizations and clubs, etc., between people who barely know each other and might even never socialize, but all it takes is for one person to get their knickers in a knot over a perceived slight or jealousy or whatever and it's off to the races.
You’re a very rational person, thanks for getting it.
I have. I haven’t discussed Beth with Ashley or anyone, until now, with complete strangers. She’s discussed me loads of times. Didn’t think I was that interesting
"3 months later (today), I spent a few months working at a different bureau and recently came back in the last month."
Have you considered spending more time at whatever bureau you were working at, if this is possible?
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