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Congratulations for taking steps in overcoming your anxiety and the more you overcome the more you will overcome. You are going to college, started working and learning to drive and when you get your license that will give you more freedom and confidence in yourself.
I believe maybe your dad was and is concerned for you socially and for your future and doesn’t know how to help you.
Agree. It is telling that he said he wanted to go to counseling sessions WITH you. He is concerned and wants to understand. Also sounds like a good way to learn better ways to support you and help you succeed OP. Endlessly coddling you isn't going to be helpful.
Your dad is a product of his upbringing just like anyone else. You didn't say anything about that so no one here knows. It is bound to be reflected in how he sees his responsibilities for HIS children. He doesn't sound like an ogre at all. He sounds worried and frustrated for you. He isn't a counselor, doesn't know what to do. For many people that results in anger. Because of your self-admitted anxiety you are interpreting this as just being mean. Its not. As others have said, you aren't going to change him, but you can learn to appreciate his POV and not see everything as an attack.
Last edited by Parnassia; 02-16-2020 at 03:21 PM..
I’ve encountered a lot of young people online who say they suffer from social anxiety. It has surprised and perplexed me as I never encountered it growing up. I admit I don’t understand why people feel socially anxious but then emotions don’t have to be rational. They just are.
I agree. I believe this is a product of social media, society and learned helplessness. I tend to feel anxious and get anxiety but I push through it because there isn't anyone there to make it easier or pay my way. I feel like children and young adults are not prepared for the real world of hard work, tenacity and grit.
Your anxiety is 100 percent from your dad. He is afraid of you going to a therapist because of what might come out about him. Do you recall him ever physically touching, threatening, or abusing you in other ways as a child?
What part does your mother play in this, i.e. can you talk with her, or does she parrot and enable your dad? I'm guessing the latter. How is your relationship with your brother, and how does he get along with your dad? Were you the first born? Maybe your dad is jealous of you.
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Originally Posted by kitty99
Be firm and communicate how you need to be treated.
If you feel like he isn't responding maybe you need to limit your interaction until you get the help you need.
I agree with this. Your dad is NOT in your corner and he wants you to fail. You need to forge your own path, increase your boundaries and standards, especially around him. Moving out would be a big plus for you, as soon as you can afford to do it. Then you'll be in a better position to evaluate your past, your present, and what you want to do in the future.
Your anxiety is 100 percent from your dad. He is afraid of you going to a therapist because of what might come out about him. Do you recall him ever physically touching, threatening, or abusing you in other ways as a child?
What part does your mother play in this, i.e. can you talk with her, or does she parrot and enable your dad? I'm guessing the latter. How is your relationship with your brother, and how does he get along with your dad? Were you the first born? Maybe your dad is jealous of you.
I agree with this. Your dad is NOT in your corner and he wants you to fail. You need to forge your own path, increase your boundaries and standards, especially around him. Moving out would be a big plus for you, as soon as you can afford to do it. Then you'll be in a better position to evaluate your past, your present, and what you want to do in the future.
This is exactly why I believe he wanted to come to therapy with me. I believe that he is aware that he contributes to my problems, and wants to be there so I can't talk badly about him.
I don't really recall him being really toxic in my childhood. The toxicity really didn't start as far as I remember until I got to my teens.
My mother is 50/50. Sometimes she sticks up for me, but other times she does enable his behavior. I can't really talk to her about him because I know she is going to go right back to him and tell him everything I told her.
My brother and I don't have the best relationship. He is actually my Dad's best buddy. Him and my father have similar personalities and commonalities and they have a good relationship.
With all the advice given, this is the only thing you responded to? Something that blames your Dad for your problems? Good luck. Good luck to your parents too. Until birds get thrown out of the nest they don't learn to fly. It's a law of nature.
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Originally Posted by DCT2019
This is exactly why I believe he wanted to come to therapy with me. I believe that he is aware that he contributes to my problems, and wants to be there so I can't talk badly about him.
I don't really recall him being really toxic in my childhood. The toxicity really didn't start as far as I remember until I got to my teens.
My mother is 50/50. Sometimes she sticks up for me, but other times she does enable his behavior. I can't really talk to her about him because I know she is going to go right back to him and tell him everything I told her.
My brother and I don't have the best relationship. He is actually my Dad's best buddy. Him and my father have similar personalities and commonalities and they have a good relationship.
Well done on getting a job, & keeping it. I hope you can find a new place to live. Keep going to therapy, without your Dad, you need to be able to speak freely.
Good mental health can be achieved by a variety of means, none of which include blaming your Dad! You may be suffering from a grain allergy. Try reading up on the grain/brain connection. Here is one link to a study that is called “Bread and other Edible Agents of Mental Disease”.
“If wheat can affect the brain, it should come as no surprise that it can affect mental health too (for a review, see Jackson et al., 2012a). Exceptionally large epidemiological studies, each involving many thousands of patients, have found that celiac disease is associated with an increased risk of depression (Ludvigsson et al., 2007b) and psychosis (Ludvigsson et al., 2007a).” https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/art...3/#!po=24.0385
This is exactly why I believe he wanted to come to therapy with me. I believe that he is aware that he contributes to my problems, and wants to be there so I can't talk badly about him.
I don't really recall him being really toxic in my childhood. The toxicity really didn't start as far as I remember until I got to my teens.
My mother is 50/50. Sometimes she sticks up for me, but other times she does enable his behavior. I can't really talk to her about him because I know she is going to go right back to him and tell him everything I told her.
My brother and I don't have the best relationship. He is actually my Dad's best buddy. Him and my father have similar personalities and commonalities and they have a good relationship.
I am the youngest in my family.
Oh boy, you believe this because it fits your narrative! Reinforces that you are helpless, a victim of everyone else. Because that removes responsibility for yourself. Its convenient, comfortable. But it isn't going to help you recognize what you yourself have contributed to your situation. Are your Dad or your mom completely blameless? Obviously not or you wouldn't be the person you are.
Oh boy, you believe this because it fits your narrative! Reinforces that you are helpless, a victim of everyone else. Because that removes responsibility for yourself. Its convenient, comfortable. But it isn't going to help you recognize what you yourself have contributed to your situation. Are your Dad or your mom completely blameless? Obviously not or you wouldn't be the person you are.
I understand my faults as well which I have detailed in my post. I have allowed fear to hold me back for a long time, but now I have been trying to face my fears and make changes to my life for the better. I am not proud of my past and I regret that I did not start doing these things sooner, but I can't go back in time and undo what I've done.
I understand my Dad being hard on me when I wasn't working, socializing, etc. He didn't know I was suffering with anxiety.
Now that I have opened up about it, started therapy, began working full-time, working on getting my license, and trying to make an effort to interact with other people, I thought he would be less harsh with me.
However, not much has changed in his behavior which led me to ask you guys, is there something I am still doing wrong or is it my Dad that's the problem?
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