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Oh I just love those last two suggestions about the putting things on the curb and especially the tax refund idea.
I just love me a tax write off.
Thank you very much.
My Mom is a very active person in her mid 80’s.
She is brilliant but forgetful at times.
At her age her friends are passing and always has drops off a load of dead people things that would look great at my house.
We live just a couple miles away.
Yesterday I received another pile of crap.
Thank you Mom but I’m ok.
I now have to deal with that.
I had to cut off my sister in law for just acting to weird.
I mean she is nice And all, has tons of money but she just thinks she knows what’s best for us.
So she is not a problem anymore.
The son is just like a dog.
God I just love him.
For the most part he doesn’t mess with anything.
Keeps to himself.
Is a workaholic but it seems that each time I turn around he is finding a new way to grow weed on our properties.
I just can’t stand weed but it is a lot better than alcohol or the other stuff.
The daughter is a change my **** aholic.
I try as politely as I can but she doesn’t get it or possibly just gives me lip service.
She rents one of the houses on our PNW property and has access to both houses but she seems to think both are hers.
I guess she is my biggest gripe now that the sister in law is out.
I can’t and won’t try fix my Mom because she is well my Mom.
But these kids well my foot will hopefully put an end to that.
They have even openly talked about who gets what properties when the wife and I die.
I like to think I have another 30 years or so left so they didn’t care for my response and they no longer talk about that in front of us.
I guess I let things build up mentally then loose it a bit.
Thanks again.
Andy.
There are many worthy charities you can donate your property to after you've passed. THAT should engender some lively discussions. But you won't be around to hear it.
My father noted the irony of such discussions. Sometimes, those who are counting up their inheritance end up gone first.
What they are doing is disrespectful. It would have only happened to me once. When we had a motor home we had people wanting to borrow it. The answer was no.
Yeah none of this stuff will ever happen at my house. Why? Because I would not refrain from telling ANYONE with the gall to rearrange my home exactly what I think of their really rude behavior. It's MY house, not theirs and I will tell them so in very few words. Next time they get uninvited to my home permanently.
Last edited by TheShadow; 05-20-2020 at 01:37 PM..
I am just a family guy.
We all went through the hard times and now there are better times.
I won’t deny my kids or siblings any of this.
My kids rent places from me and work hard.
I should be proud.
The thing is I don’t want them re-organizing or re-decorating my house.
Other than an odd rich silver spoon sister-in-law we are good.
Odd but yet good.
On another note,
I now have to disassemble a hydroponic grow room today.
I guess it could be worse.
Andy.
That's great that you feel that way, but they're far less respectful of you and your wishes.
I don't get it. They're adults, aren't they? You tell them don't do X, they shouldn't do X. If my adult children continued to do X (which I cannot imagine), they'd forfeit the right to use my property.
Yes, it could be worse. You could be an even bigger doormat.
The thing with family is that you have to 1) let them know what they did was not okay with you, 2) let them know that you won't allow it in YOUR home (when they buy their home you promise not to do the same to them), 3) you need to spell out exactly what the consequences will be if they don't follow the rules, 4) follow through. It's just like when they were little kids. Exactly the same. If you don't set limits, and let them know the consequences, then follow through, they will just run all over you.
I've had to do it with friends that violate house rules. I banned a "friend" from our home because I'd asked him more than once to not use certain racial epithets in my home. I told him he wasn't welcome if he couldn't watch his language and he decided his "freedom of speech" was more important than our friendship. Okay...bye.
Why would he change the locks on houses they are renting from him?
He has two different problems here. His MIL coming in and redecorating is one thing, but changes his adult kids are making in houses they're paying rent on is a separate issue.
Why would he change the locks on houses they are renting from him?
That's not what's happening.
Quote:
This has happened to me several times the last few years and it just drives me nuts.
It’s my adult kids, my sister in-law and even my mom.
They always seem to want to re-do our vacation house and even our primary house.
For some reason, family members are gaining access to his primary home and vacation home and treating it like their own.
I don't understand how they are getting in or what they are doing there.
Why would he change the locks on houses they are renting from him?
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
That's not what's happening.
Yes, it is:
Quote:
Originally Posted by MechAndy
My kids rent places from me and work hard.
I should be proud.
The thing is I don’t want them re-organizing or re-decorating my house.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MechAndy
The daughter is a change my **** aholic.
I try as politely as I can but she doesn’t get it or possibly just gives me lip service. She rents one of the houses on our PNW property and has access to both houses but she seems to think both are hers.
I guess she is my biggest gripe now that the sister in law is out.
I haven't read all the replies, so maybe someone has already said this.
Your peeves are quite understandable.
I think, from your tone of voice, that you probably come from a fairly sane family, and if you just told them, in a matter-of-fact way that you would like them to put the house back in the same condition it was when they moved in, they would probably understand.
They may miss a thing or two at first, but just point out, in a friendly, conversational way, what wasn't put back, and ask them to do it.
No need to wait until you're ready to explode - it is a completely reasonable request, and your family members will probably understand and respect it.
I am like this. I have a need to rearrange things. It’s not clear how many homes you have and how many you do or do not live in. I can’t tell you what do with your offenders but I can give you a bit of insight from my life.
I’ve been like this all my life, not kidding. At 3 years old I was appalled at my aunt’s wallpaper and drapery not matching. Every time we moved I would sketch out how things should look, but as a child that never happened. Didn’t dampen my spirits though. As a teen in my sisters home while being a nanny during summers I would constantly rearrange things. My brother in law worked odd shifts which would inevitably lead to him getting up and tripping over things. He was very good natured about it. When I vacation in a rented home I will buy a new shower curtain, rug, sheets and valances if they are not what I like. But I will always put things back to how I found them. Once I even wallpapered the bathroom and took it down, repainted so it look like it was when we left.
It’s just a compulsion I can hardly control. The other night at my daughter's home I resisted rearranging a shelf, but kept looking at it all night long. It’s a comfort issue, it makes me very nervous to be in an environment that is not put together well. Not the worst problem to have in life.
Most of my victims were willing to let me go at it. But I am a design professional and artist.
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