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Is it that he wants any future Grandchildren to have his family's name? That would be easy enough to do, and no need for you to change yours.
Yes, that is easy. She just does not take the OP’s name and the children take her last name. No big deal. No one should change a name if they don’t feel comfortable with it, man or woman.
I would be very apprehensive to go into business with this guy. He's already showing you how controlling he is. Go into business with him and in order to maintain his favor, he'll likely make more demands.
And to turn your back on your family name just to gain something would be hurtful to your family I would think.
I would be very apprehensive to go into business with this guy. He's already showing you how controlling he is. Go into business with him and in order to maintain his favor, he'll likely make more demands.
And to turn your back on your family name just to gain something would be hurtful to your family I would think.
In my world, this would be a hard no.
I totally agree, its not the name change that bothers me as much as the overly controlling father-in-law who seems to have poor boundaries. If he is trying to interfere in this decision, what other decisions will he try to force his hand at?
You could do what many women have done over the years--Be Mr. Business Last Name at work and Mr. Personal Last Name at home and socially. Does your FIL expect any children to have his daughter's last name?
He proposed to me to change my surname without a hyphenated name. Of course, he expects every future child to have his daughter's last name. My FIL is a good person but is obsessed with his surname and wants his legacy to continue. This surname is well known in the vicinity and also is the business name. I have a few brothers my family heritage is non-threatened.
I like the idea of keeping your name and giving the kids his last name. If he's insistent that you change YOUR name that's a control issue and has nothing with continuing the family name.
For the record, I'm a female who did NOT change my name. My son has his father's last name. I was fine with that. He was a new person but when I married I'd had my birth name for 31 years and wanted to keep it.
I like the idea of keeping your name and giving the kids his last name. If he's insistent that you change YOUR name that's a control issue and has nothing with continuing the family name.
And the legacy of the FILs business wouldn't be marred by his own family with a different last name running it.
I would say if you are going to take the business, you should honor his wish to take his name. If you are not taking the business, do what you want.
Of course, is the alternative for the business to die instead of being run by someone with a different last name? I guess if FIL would prefer that route... Or is the alternative that someone else in the family would take over the business?
I don't see anything wrong with OP changing his name if he wants to, but it's weird to have that string attached to passing on a business.
(I take it it's not acceptable to FIL if his own daughter keeps the name instead?)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Ooooh, good question! I can't wait to learn the answer to this one!
Popcorn, anyone?
I've never been sure why, in mixed-name couples, the kids always get the father's last name. Even if the parents don't even live together/aren't in a relationship. I think I'd be like, "I had to be pregnant and give birth, I'm probably doing the brunt of the childcare, so they get my last name!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitty99
It does seem manipulative but in a way it's kind of like a commitment to the family. If anything it shows he wants to adopt you in but wants you to show some sort of commitment on your part. I think you should consider how this will go over in your own family, they might see it as a sense of abandoning your heritage.
Isn't that what the marriage is for?
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