The obsession with children... (father, member, fiance, divorced)
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For Mothers Day this year, we had a teleconference with my sister's kids who are all the way across the country. And my mom was so excited. She's always so excited to see the grandkids.
But when we got on, they were more interested in playing with their toys and barely said hi. After about 10 minutes of staring at them play with their toys, we said goodbye and hung up.
I also noticed that we have pictures of my sister's kids posted up all our apartment ... even though I'm not really even sure if they remember my name or who I am if my sister doesn't prompt them before I visit or call.
Don't get me wrong, they're good kids, and I'm sure they will grow up to be perfectly fine young adults, but don't you think we put too much of an emphasis as a society on kids?
I mean, most of my friends have young kids and it is basically all they think about, like every hour spent outside of work needs to be spent with the kids, and they work either themselves (or the people who work for them) to death to provide a better life for their kids.
My parents didn't dote on us, but they definitely did the 'work themselves to death' part. And I think it was a little much. They didn't have to sacrifice things for me. I wouldn't have wanted them to give up all their hobbies to spend time with me. There were many years left for that...
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba
For Mothers Day this year, we had a teleconference with my sister's kids who are all the way across the country. And my mom was so excited. She's always so excited to see the grandkids.
But when we got on, they were more interested in playing with their toys and barely said hi. After about 10 minutes of staring at them play with their toys, we said goodbye and hung up.
I also noticed that we have pictures of my sister's kids posted up all our apartment ... even though I'm not really even sure if they remember my name or who I am if my sister doesn't prompt them before I visit or call.
Don't get me wrong, they're good kids, and I'm sure they will grow up to be perfectly fine young adults, but don't you think we put too much of an emphasis as a society on kids?
I mean, most of my friends have young kids and it is basically all they think about, like every hour spent outside of work needs to be spent with the kids, and they work either themselves (or the people who work for them) to death to provide a better life for their kids.
My parents didn't dote on us, but they definitely did the 'work themselves to death' part. And I think it was a little much. They didn't have to sacrifice things for me. I wouldn't have wanted them to give up all their hobbies to spend time with me. There were many years left for that...
Maybe it's just the people I know.
My mom doesn't have any grandbabies yet....AND she used to talk about it a lot even tho she has her own life & her own hobbies. Now that she...kinda...knows that my fiance & I aren't planning on having babies tho, she doesn't talk about it as much. My sister is too young to know what she will do BUT.......ita that lots of moms & our grandparents almost get a little obsessive about it. I haven't told my grandma there won't be babies.....I'm almost afraid to.
For Mothers Day this year, we had a teleconference with my sister's kids who are all the way across the country. And my mom was so excited. She's always so excited to see the grandkids.
But when we got on, they were more interested in playing with their toys and barely said hi. After about 10 minutes of staring at them play with their toys, we said goodbye and hung up.
I also noticed that we have pictures of my sister's kids posted up all our apartment ... even though I'm not really even sure if they remember my name or who I am if my sister doesn't prompt them before I visit or call.
If they are young kids and presumably don't have a relationship with you and your mother because of distance, it's not surprising that they would be more interested in their toys.
I remember as a child being forced to get on the phone with my grandmother who lived literally on the other side of the world, and tell her that I loved her. My young brain was thinking "I don't know her ... how could I love her?" Grandparents have the luxury of understanding the abstract concept of "I love my grandchildren even if I don't get to spend time with them." Children don't think like that.
My parents didn't dote on us, but they definitely did the 'work themselves to death' part. And I think it was a little much. They didn't have to sacrifice things for me. I wouldn't have wanted them to give up all their hobbies to spend time with me. There were many years left for that...
Maybe it's just the people I know.
No, it's not the people you know, it's every woman with limited horizons and proud papa I've ever met. To me it is a Mod cut. way to gloat on that which truly does not matter, the world has more than enough children. Thus, never had any, had myself snipped in my late-20s in-fact. Last thing on Earth I want anything to do with.
That, however, is a "Minority Report" to say the least. The vast bulk of couples I know have brats, or are trying for them, for whatever God-forsaken reason.
My dad, fortunately, did not work himself to death and we grew up Middle Class. I missed no meals growing up as an only child. I have the distinct impression my mother had no use for children, either, and had "emotional problems" beyond scope of this thread. So I grew up in a relatively stable home. For that, I'm grateful. Working Class people, or Middle Class with multiple kids? We'd have tightened the belts, see again "working to the bone". I had enough of everything, but my dad was not extravagant. Our vacations were in a travel travel, and not a bad one: a great camper trailer guy, was my dad, so I did get to see many corners of our great country. I'm grateful for that, too, another subject.
Three friends, three examples. One, my best friend, doted on his kids. Upper Middle Class, he and I, though divorced. Still, his son and daughter had it a bit soft. However, one just graduated Cal Poly, the other is a dropout who embraced Jesus and her nutball husband, has babies, and is happy (and I'm happy for her). That's how he chose to spend his time and money for decade and a half. My views on that were not relevant so I kept them close.
Friend two is a mom of five, two fathers among the batch. Most of the kids are screw-ups, but one so far is not and another will be in the running if he doesn't steal a car or other stupid crap now as a teen. The youngest is destined for a life of crime. She spends lots of time with all, she's a born mom. This is her mission in life. Who am I to judge. She makes a little time for friends, too, and I appreciate that.
There isn't a third; that would be "indifferent" parents who wonder why their kid joins a gang and gets shot down south side of Chicago. No fathers, teen mothers who have very few resources and less interest, etc.
Good luck with all that...pass.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 07-27-2020 at 08:24 PM..
Reason: Inappropriate language.
I always wanted to be a mom. I also wanted to be a Marine Biologist, but when we moved to Missouri, I let that one go. My lack of imagination. Not blaming anyone for that.
I'd also love it if my kids had kids. But they likely won't. I accept that. My stepson has a bunch of kids, and they all call me grandma. And for all intents and purposes, I AM their grandma. I was at the hospital when 2 of them were born, and the other 2, I've known since they were 2 and 4. And the other grandchild...we didn't even know her until she was 17.
And now, I'm 'grandma' to 2 kids that aren't even my stepson's bio kids...they're his second cousins. But they call me grandma, and that's fine.
I also noticed that we have pictures of my sister's kids posted up all our apartment ... even though I'm not really even sure if they remember my name or who I am if my sister doesn't prompt them before I visit or call.
You don't know why you have pictures of your nieces and nephews all over your apartment?
I also noticed that we have pictures of my sister's kids posted up all our apartment ... even though I'm not really even sure if they remember my name or who I am if my sister doesn't prompt them before I visit or call.
did they just appear or why did you not notice before? Why would you hang up pictures of kids you barely have any relationship with? Your sisters kids don't know your name??? Huh??? If you are that distant to your family, why hang up pictures of them, whom are you kidding, yourself??
did they just appear or why did you not notice before? Why would you hang up pictures of kids you barely have any relationship with? Your sisters kids don't know your name??? Huh??? If you are that distant to your family, why hang up pictures of them, whom are you kidding, yourself??
I think he meant at his mother's house, where he lives? Grandmas tend to do that. I have school pictures all over my refrigerator, and a few from when ours were babies, in frames.
did they just appear or why did you not notice before? Why would you hang up pictures of kids you barely have any relationship with? Your sisters kids don't know your name??? Huh??? If you are that distant to your family, why hang up pictures of them, whom are you kidding, yourself??
My sister sends them for occasions and we put them up with other photos. She doesn't send pics of the family, just the kids.
No, it's not the people you know, it's every woman with limited horizons and proud papa I've ever met. To me it is a retarded way to gloat on that which truly does not matter, the world has more than enough children. Thus, never had any, had myself snipped in my late-20s in-fact. Last thing on Earth I want anything to do with.
That, however, is a "Minority Report" to say the least. The vast bulk of couples I know have brats, or are trying for them, for whatever God-forsaken reason.
My dad, fortunately, did not work himself to death and we grew up Middle Class. I missed no meals growing up as an only child. I have the distinct impression my mother had no use for children, either, and had "emotional problems" beyond scope of this thread. So I grew up in a relatively stable home. For that, I'm grateful. Working Class people, or Middle Class with multiple kids? We'd have tightened the belts, see again "working to the bone". I had enough of everything, but my dad was not extravagant. Our vacations were in a travel travel, and not a bad one: a great camper trailer guy, was my dad, so I did get to see many corners of our great country. I'm grateful for that, too, another subject.
Three friends, three examples. One, my best friend, doted on his kids. Upper Middle Class, he and I, though divorced. Still, his son and daughter had it a bit soft. However, one just graduated Cal Poly, the other is a dropout who embraced Jesus and her nutball husband, has babies, and is happy (and I'm happy for her). That's how he chose to spend his time and money for decade and a half. My views on that were not relevant so I kept them close.
Friend two is a mom of five, two fathers among the batch. Most of the kids are screw-ups, but one so far is not and another will be in the running if he doesn't steal a car or other stupid crap now as a teen. The youngest is destined for a life of crime. She spends lots of time with all, she's a born mom. This is her mission in life. Who am I to judge. She makes a little time for friends, too, and I appreciate that.
There isn't a third; that would be "indifferent" parents who wonder why their kid joins a gang and gets shot down south side of Chicago. No fathers, teen mothers who have very few resources and less interest, etc.
Good luck with all that...pass.
I think the ironic part is that if you are a parent who looks out for your interests a little more, then you're labeled as selfish and aloof.
I remember a co-worker implying that her parents weren't that great because they didn't want to look after the grandkids every time, and when they went on family vacations, they went to golf spots instead of like kid spots.
That doesn't make you a bad parent.
I think I would be (have been) one of those parents.
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Why would you hang up pictures of kids you barely have any relationship with? Your sisters kids don't know your name??? Huh??? If you are that distant to your family, why hang up pictures of them, whom are you kidding, yourself??
