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Does it occur to you how petty and manipulative this is?
I don't think so. You need to set boundaries. Certain actions have consequences. If you don't have boundaries then no one would take it seriously. Plus me talking to her right away wouldn't do any good cause I will just be upset and our convo goes no where. I think its perfectly fine to give it sometime when there are clearer heads so you don't end up saying what you end up regretting. I already told her my displeasure. Plus ive been busy with work and life.
my mom is real gullible. basically my oparents want to refinance their house for lower mortgage and thinking about using me to cosign. Id be okay if I can keep the house afterwards cause thats agood investment. Anyways my relatives used that as an excuse to find out my finances. Saying oh we need to know your sons finance so I can talk to the real estate lady to refinance your house. I told my mom off like they don't need to be involved. Its OUR house. Its day 1 time of trickery and I know their motives. Stupid my mom fell for it. That just gives you an insight on their character and why I approach things the way I do. I learned from experience with them.
No. It's THEIR house. And calling your mother stupid? Telling your mom off? Teaching her a lesson? Moderator cut: deleted
Last edited by june 7th; 11-12-2020 at 09:33 AM..
Reason: Rude
No. It's THEIR house. And calling your mother stupid? Telling your mom off? Teaching her a lesson? Moderator cut: Orphaned
if im cosigning and putting payment on the house than I am part owner of the house legally and I said its stupid that my mom fell for it. Im not directly saying she is stupid.Moderator cut: Orphaned
You're getting put through the ol' C-D wringer, OP. I'm on your side. Actions have consequences, and she made her choice.
Plus, you're considering putting your own credit at risk to co-sign on your parents' house? And people are criticizing you for being rude to your mother? You're a saint, in my book. And I think you should think twice about that co-sign. If things go south, your credit is going to be in the dumpster for a long, long time.
if im cosigning and putting payment on the house than I am part owner of the house legally and I said its stupid that my mom fell for it. Im not directly saying she is stupid. Moderator cut: Orphaned.
IF.
Not directly saying she is stupid? Looking at it that way I'm not calling you names either. I haven't directly said you are a spoiled brat or have that entitlement attitude. I said you sound like it.
Listen to yourself. I hope your parents know what they are getting themselves into, if they allow you to cosign any mortgage. You've already decided it belongs to you, and you haven't even signed anything yet. And I think you are wrong about that anyway. I don't think you cosigning gives you any rights to the property at all. You might want to do a little more research.
my mom is real gullible apparently. basically my parents want to refinance their house for lower mortgage and thinking about using me to cosign. Id be okay if I can keep the house afterwards cause thats agood investment. Anyways my relatives used that as an excuse to find out my finances. Saying oh we need to know your sons finance so I can talk to the real estate lady to refinance your house. I told my mom off like they don't need to be involved. Its OUR house. Its day 1 type of trickery and my mom fell for it. I know their motives. That just gives you an insight on their character and why I approach things the way I do. I learned from experience with them.
Okay, thank you for your honest reply to my question. I'll be honest with you too. I hope your parents can find some other safer way to refinance their house or else they should just stick with the mortgage arrangement they already have if they can manage it.
Here is why. I don't think you would be an impartial or safe choice for your parents to have as a co-signer on their own house because your attitude towards your parents, especially your mother, sounds very vindictive, unstable, disrespectful and dangerous to me. You don't have a benign and loving family reason for co-signing for your parents or helping them financially, you would be doing it only because you want to get their house for yourself. You have no patience or understanding with her intellectual disability, you call her stupid and have been punishing her for your own mistake that you made. You want her to beg you and appease you and be under your control so that means you are a dangerous threat to her. It leaves me wondering if you treat your father the same way.
I'm a mother and if you were my adult child treating me that way I'd be very afraid of you and I would not ever ask you to co-sign for anything for me and never want to be beholden to you for anything. That would be because of your punishing and disrespectful attitude which I consider to be abusive and frightening. Nothing is more terrifying than an adult child who is cheap and abusive toward their parents. So I'd be very afraid of you and frightened that you would use the favour of co-signing for me as a threat to hold over my head and to control me and frighten me with the threat of losing my home if I don't submit to your controlling ways. I'd be afraid that I couldn't trust you to have my own best interests at heart.
I'd like to say more about that to get you to recognize the harm you are doing not only to them but to yourself too - but that's all I'm going to say about that. But I will say I hope you forgive your mother and open your arms and hard heart to her again since you need to recognize that it was your mistake that you're punishing her for in the first place. I think you need to get a majorly serious attitude adjustment about the way you treat and think about your aging parents and other relatives. Perhaps some family counselling and anger management counselling would be in order.
I wish your parents a LOT of good luck with whatever decision they make about their house.
You can be on the hook for the debt but not the owner of the house, FYI. You have to be on the title to be an owner, which is totally separate from being on the loan.
I don't think so. You need to set boundaries. Certain actions have consequences. If you don't have boundaries then no one would take it seriously. Plus me talking to her right away wouldn't do any good cause I will just be upset and our convo goes no where. I think its perfectly fine to give it sometime when there are clearer heads so you don't end up saying what you end up regretting. I already told her my displeasure. Plus ive been busy with work and life.
Setting boundaries is picking up your phone and calling your mother to say, "Mom, not cool. Quit sharing my personal details people." Then finish the call. You don't have to have some long confrontation.
But instead, with this idiotic silent treatment, you aren't setting any boundaries at all. All you're doing is having a fit of pique. Not only does it not communicate a thing, but it also makes you look like a brat.
Right off the back talking about or other's personal finances which is supposed to be private or personal as op noted. But it is mom but the op is almost a 30 year old ADULT. And yes mom needs to understand boundaries.
But sad to say mom is obsessed with money for a reason. Could speculate but it's been my experience those who constantly talk about either have an angle or always wanted more.
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But I will say I hope you forgive your mother and open your arms and hard heart to her again since you need to recognize that it was your mistake that you're punishing her for in the first place. I think you need to get a majorly serious attitude adjustment about the way you treat and think about your aging parents and other relatives. Perhaps some family counselling and anger management counselling would be in order. 
