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For me, this has always been the bigger issue. I have a college buddy who has zero sense of when to stop talking. I have another friend who can do the same thing, but I can interrupt him easier and enjoy talking to him more because we share similar struggles. Misery loves company I guess.
My friends are pretty positive. I'm the negative person who has to practice watching my words and be self aware. My life is one big disappointment, so it can be difficult, but I've learned to save the negativity for therapy or my men's group. I keep my mouth shut otherwise and silently beat myself up for my failures. So thats my life and take on the topic.
Awww, Donny! So, is that men's group helpful? Are you doing therapy? Is that helpful? Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you geographically challenged in the dating sphere, so to speak? That's tough, if a relocation isn't in the cards.
On negativity; One of the things I got out of working in sales was to reduce the negativity brought on by rejection. Avoiding negative people was a temporary takeaway, another was trying to find something positive about the situation or the person and turn it (or them) around. Without trying to be a pollyanna I always try to keep an open mind and see the positive side of things. Sometimes the other person is being an (bad word) or maybe I'm the one acting like an (bad word). Stepping back and reevaluating the scenario helps in finding clarity and a new understanding. Sometimes dissociating yourself from a given encounter or intolerable situation (Be it a family member or employer) is the only option. When dealing with any substance abuser, the're not going to change until they hit their own personal rock bottom. Chronically negative people want to drag everybody down to their level of misery. Its my experience they seldom change and sometimes all you can do is watch the dumpster fire burn.
Awww, Donny! So, is that men's group helpful? Are you doing therapy? Is that helpful? Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you geographically challenged in the dating sphere, so to speak? That's tough, if a relocation isn't in the cards.
Men's group is helpful, more so than therapy. Not even good therapists to choose from here! Geographically challenged is an understatement. People on here like to judge that I went overseas to meet someone, but I did what I had to do after 8 years of solitary confinement living here. I don't regret it....yet. Anyway, for 5 years I've been trying to move back and the pandemic delayed it more. I may never get to move back anywhere near my hometown.
I don't mind negative people to a point. I think it's good to hear different view points and I don't want to be around Pollyanna type people who think life is perfect, etc. sometimes life is negative. Of course constant negative thoughts can be unhealthy.
Agree with you on Pollyannas, just as out-of-touch as people who are negative across the board. I simply avoid both types as much as I can. If I *have* to interact with either (work-related, perhaps), I try to stick to task and be quick about it.
I was self-employed and chose not to work for negative people, they were drains on energy and ultimately cost money. Socially it is pretty easy to stay away from them but family is not divorce-able, well some are but he's not impossibly negative and is working on more positive attitude.
I have gotten more negative with age, more realistic IMO but do not impose it on others (I think). I will not get involved with someone's problems, some people LOVE to get involved. I dropped a FB friend who kept veering between sobriety and benders, don't need that kinda drama in my life. If it's a relative I'll help but they gotta help themselves more than me.
In January, I had a very unpleasant conversation with a friend (he called). He went on and on and on. He's had some hardships over the past few years.
I'm pretty sure he grew up in a dysfunctional household and unfortunately, he continued the cycle with his own kids. At first
I thought I was being a good friend by letting him vent but I realize now, I need to place boundaries. His negativity is draining. He kept re-visiting old complaints from the past. Things I've heard before.
Also, he starts going heavy on the profanity. I have caller ID and can choose not to answer in the future. If I do answer, I'll use an excuse like I'm expecting another call or have to turn in early to shorten the call.
I want to show empathy but sadly, I don't see this guy ever changing. And quite honestly, we really don't chat that often.
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So, is that men's group helpful? Are you doing therapy? Is that helpful? Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you geographically challenged in the dating sphere, so to speak? That's tough, if a relocation isn't in the cards.
