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Has anyone else noticed that there's a lot of "blaming the poster" on C-D lately? And that, just in general, people here seem meaner, more aggressive, or at least testier than they used to be? Must be one of many unwanted effects of the lockdown...
Yup! I do understand that some people realize we are just getting one side of the story when someone posts and in an ideal world, it would be best to get the other side. But why not just give the OP the benefit of the doubt until they add more info that contradicts or fleshes out what they originally posted? It’s like only the OP can do wrong and everyone else never does anything wrong. I guess it’s because it’s more fun to chastise, scold, and insult someone who is actually posting on here...more a feeling of power than just commenting about someone who never participated on here and will never read it.
It really did astonish me that OP was blamed for being passive. He didn’t say that his friends are always contacting him and that he never returns the favor (if this were the case that they were contacting him all the time, he most likely would be flattered and not have posted what he did). He said he never hears from them when he doesn't contact them...so aren’t they just as passive as he is, if not more so since the implication is that he may have always been the one to initiate and show interest and was probably the last one to do so? At least if he was criticized in a general way, like “you young people, always complaining and not doing enough to maintain friendships...all of you need to take a breather from your phones!”...but no, it’s like “the fault lies with you, OP. You are too passive. Friendship doesn’t have to be 59 50. Why does it matter who contacts who?” Etc.
Has anyone else noticed that there's a lot of "blaming the poster" on C-D lately? And that, just in general, people here seem meaner, more aggressive, or at least testier than they used to be? Must be one of many unwanted effects of the lockdown...
But let's admit it - posters are often either clueless or trying to pin the blame elsewhere.
Maybe, like dating, it is about weeding through hordes of humanity to get to the one on your wavelength. But before we reach that destination, the whole attempt to get to shore drains our reserves. Much easier to coast, get distracted by stuff, give up at the mirage, succumb to dehydration.
Anyway, it feels like work to deal with most people voluntarily. Once in a blue moon, I might feel like I enjoy talking to someone but it is so rare that were it to happen, I tend to distrust it, lose the opportunity. Carry on as usual. Maybe in youth that bothered me. Now, it is just rote.
It depends how much you value human interaction. I find most of it to be a colossal pain in the hole and would rather spend time reading, writing, watching movies or listening to music. Lockdown, such as it was in my neck of the woods, gave me a perfect excuse to keep to myself, stay home and enjoy all my favourite hobbies. I suggest the OP find some pastimes that don't depend on others joining in and keep himself happy and busy that way.
I agree with this. I have a best friend who’s like a brother, he just left Tuesday after I hadn’t seen him for 15 months, but besides that I’ve stopped bothering with the numerous casual friends or people I barely know. Ditched Facebook and didn’t miss it at all. I like to do my own things, my hobbies, and I’m happy just living in my own world for the most part. I don’t need constant interaction and I never get bored. I have my wife to keep me company every day, she’s awesome, we share so much in common, and I really don’t see the value of a bunch of mediocre friends.
I’d like to have another close friend who lives near me, but I don’t know if that’ll happen. For the effort put in, it usually ends up just not working out. Sometimes people move away shortly, that’s happened to me a lot, other times they just don’t turn out to be good friends and yes they end up as users. I don’t need anything from anyone, so my only desire is a good friend to spend time with and laugh about whatever. But the reality is sadly most friendships seem to be of convenience. Take parents for instance, friends with their kids’ friends’ parents, or whatever else. These people have little time for other friends, which is understandable, but I have no desire whatsoever for casual friendship. None. If you don’t have the time to hang out and game until 5 am and maybe have some beers, it’s just not going to be something I care about. I don’t do the “adult” catch up every 3-6 months over dinner. That’s so superficial and a total waste of time.
I agree with this. I have a best friend who’s like a brother, he just left Tuesday after I hadn’t seen him for 15 months, but besides that I’ve stopped bothering with the numerous casual friends or people I barely know. Ditched Facebook and didn’t miss it at all. I like to do my own things, my hobbies, and I’m happy just living in my own world for the most part. I don’t need constant interaction and I never get bored. I have my wife to keep me company every day, she’s awesome, we share so much in common, and I really don’t see the value of a bunch of mediocre friends.
I’d like to have another close friend who lives near me, but I don’t know if that’ll happen. For the effort put in, it usually ends up just not working out. Sometimes people move away shortly, that’s happened to me a lot, other times they just don’t turn out to be good friends and yes they end up as users. I don’t need anything from anyone, so my only desire is a good friend to spend time with and laugh about whatever. But the reality is sadly most friendships seem to be of convenience. Take parents for instance, friends with their kids’ friends’ parents, or whatever else. These people have little time for other friends, which is understandable, but I have no desire whatsoever for casual friendship. None. If you don’t have the time to hang out and game until 5 am and maybe have some beers, it’s just not going to be something I care about. I don’t do the “adult” catch up every 3-6 months over dinner. That’s so superficial and a total waste of time.
What if (heaven forbid), though, you lost your wife; would you fine totally alone? I agree with all you said, BTW!
What if (heaven forbid), though, you lost your wife; would you fine totally alone? I agree with all you said, BTW!
Ha, yeah we are both very independent - I won’t even see her in May really which sucks. She’s gone on a business trip early May and then back to visit family, and when she comes back I will just have left to visit my family and my best friend for two weeks, coming back June 2. So I’ll see her I think for 3-4 days in a month, yikes. Sad.
I was single until I was 28, so I was already used to my freedom and independence before we got together and didn’t have more than 2 girlfriends before her, both didn’t last long and never lived with me. I’ve always been the type who can just entertain myself and enjoy my alone time. It’s still built into the day. I know we are weird but we don’t sleep at the same times, she often has to get up early for photo shoots and I’m a night owl, so around midnight or so she’ll typically go to bed and I head into the game room for my time until around 4, sleep until noon. We each have a bedroom. It works for us, we just realized the quality of sleep was so much better without disturbance and that way our time together during the day is happy and rested.
I have noticed that many people only consider you a friend when they need something from you. Very few people hit there friends up just to chat and catch up. I almost never hear from my friends unless they comment on something I post on Facebook or Instagram. They almost never text me or message me. Yes, sometimes I hit them up just to see what’s going on but most of the time it seems like we just don’t have much in common to talk about. I have grown tired of trying to make new friends through meetups or other social venues. Any of you in my situation ?
There are social media friends and there are real friends. A lot of people have a partner and their own life that keeps them busy and connecting through facebook is their means to staying in touch, as compared to phone calls (remember landlines?).
If you do not have common hobbies, it is sometimes tough to meet up and people lose contact.
Why don't you make the first step and see if they want to meet up and hang out? Invite them over for a beer or go to an event?
I make conscious contact with my friends, through texting. And yes, with some of them it is me always initiating and suggesting to meet up, but it works. I regularly see my "real" friends - those are the ones you can rely on if sh.. hits the fan.
So, make an effort or find new (real) friends and build from there.
I have no real friends anymore and really don't miss it. People are wed to their phones now and seem to prefer texting to an actual conversation in person. I've also lost 3 friends of over 20 years because of difference is political views. I tried to tell them, "please let's just not discuss politics!" but they insisted and then ended the friendship. I'm a loner anyway and enjoy my own company.
I have no real friends anymore and really don't miss it. People are wed to their phones now and seem to prefer texting to an actual conversation in person. I've also lost 3 friends of over 20 years because of difference is political views. I tried to tell them, "please let's just not discuss politics!" but they insisted and then ended the friendship. I'm a loner anyway and enjoy my own company.
That’s like one of my friends, he is a radical leftist and there’s nothing he disagrees with that comes from his party. I’m more libertarian and financially conservative, so we see eye to eye on most social issues like gay marriage, marijuana legalization, etc. There is common ground. But he thinks he needs to work to convince me of crazy socialist ideas on the far left, like he’s not the type of moderate who’s easy to talk to about things. I told him let’s just leave it alone, agree to disagree, we have a lot of other things in common so why bother with this? We won’t change each other’s minds. But he won’t ever drop it and goes really militant, like at my bachelor party with my best friend sitting there too at a restaurant he goes on a rant about how “all republicans are stupid and evil and anyone who agrees with them blah blah” and I just had enough, so I laid into him and my poor best friend just sat there trying to look away at the TV lol. We’ve texted a few times since - one turned hostile as we totally disagree on coronavirus issues - but I haven’t seen him since. I’d really rather not, not because we disagree but because he just won’t leave it alone. It’s ok to not discuss politics with friends, or family.
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