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have your parties. Invite whomever you choose - it's your party. If one of the couples decides not to attend, so be it. Don't explain; don't apologize for your invite list.
Seems like these neighbors are all excessively friendly with each other. I wouldn't be comfortable with that level of involvement, personally. It's almost more like joining an extended family complete with skeletons in the closet and family squabbles than just buying a new house and moving in.
Seems like these neighbors are all excessively friendly with each other. I wouldn't be comfortable with that level of involvement, personally. It's almost more like joining an extended family complete with skeletons in the closet and family squabbles than just buying a new house and moving in.
I have to admit, reading her story made me feel very socially inept. I’ve lived in my house for four years and can count on my fingers the number of conversations I’ve had with neighbors. I was reading her story and thinking “wow, I’m way more anti-social than I thought I was”.
OP, I’d be eaten up with curiosity too. Eager to know the dirt. But it’s in the past and won’t help anyone to bring it up.
You should feel uncomfortable. Couple #2 is not oblivious to the hurt Couple #1 is feeling, they just don’t care. I would stay out of this completely, especially if it’s a small neighborhood.
Your post intimates that you think a source of conflict may be that Couple #1’s blue collar air conflicts vs.Couple #2’s intellectual demeanor. It seems Couple #1 is taking the high road not trying to dictate who you associate with.
I’d try to remain friendly with both and stay out of the fray. To me, Couple #1 seem the better, more mature, bet. And absolutely invite both to your get together.
But on the flip side, OP has no idea what Couple #1 may have done to deserve this treatment. I don't think they're out of line to stay out of it and not worry about it, unless they receive information that someone in the situation has behaved badly. (And, we don't even know for sure that Couple #2 knows Couple #1 is hurt. They might think they don't care, unless Couple #1 has made this obvious.)
You asked for advice on how to rationalize your uncomfortable feeling away. I don't think it's going to go away until you know what's behind the split in the friendship. Most posters are telling you to stay out of it and I agree ... to a certain extent. I wouldn't try to mend the split but I would ask the helpful neighbor (whom you feel closer to) what happened. If I understood your post correctly I think you said that she wanted to give you an explanation.
Since you're new in the neighborhood and it's obvious that couple #1 is noticeably absent from couple #2's parties, you're probably going to hear bits and pieces from other neighbors about the rift - some of which might be true and some of which might not be true. If couple #1 is willing to talk about it, why not hear it from them first hand instead of the neighborhood chit chat that's sure to come your way as people get to know you better.
I seriously doubt there's been cheating, but you're right. Three sides to every story. In this case possibly 5. And I don't really want to know. I don't really want to "fix" things either.
As a thank you for the last invite I ordered some of my favorite coffee, caught them one morning as they walked by and handed them the gift bag. But I kind of felt like a heel. And that was stupid. My friends across the street don't care. Seems petty "at our age".
I like to have big "invite the world" parties so I'd include both couples. Never for a smaller gathering.
When you do have a large get together, I would let them both know that you invited both of them and then let them decide to come.
You should feel uncomfortable. Couple #2 is not oblivious to the hurt Couple #1 is feeling, they just don’t care. I would stay out of this completely, especially if it’s a small neighborhood.
Your post intimates that you think a source of conflict may be that Couple #1’s blue collar air conflicts vs.Couple #2’s intellectual demeanor. It seems Couple #1 is taking the high road not trying to dictate who you associate with.
I’d try to remain friendly with both and stay out of the fray. To me, Couple #1 seem the better, more mature, bet. And absolutely invite both to your get together.
Pretty much my words exactly too.
And regarding if cheating was involved amongst any of the 4, nothing surprises me, so I wouldn't doubt it or be surprised if it did happen. It happens all the time I'm sure amongst couples when they get too chummy w/ each other, always having each other over the other's homes, etc. Someone may eventually develop feelings for each other that they're not supposed to because they spend so much darn time together & are perhaps too trusting thinking they're all such "good friends" (back then at the time).
And regarding if cheating was involved amongst any of the 4, nothing surprises me, so I wouldn't doubt it or be surprised if it did happen. It happens all the time I'm sure amongst couples when they get too chummy w/ each other, always having each other over the other's homes, etc. Someone may eventually develop feelings for each other that they're not supposed to because they spend so much darn time together & are perhaps too trusting thinking they're all such "good friends" (back then at the time).
Where do you live?
I doubt it "happens all the time". I have more faith in people, especially good friends.
Cheating as a cause was suggested on C-D by someone looking for the worst. More friendships are spoiled by business and finance. Maybe Maybe Maybe. Go watch "Sophia's Wedding" on Golden Girls.
I doubt it "happens all the time". I have more faith in people, especially good friends.
Cheating as a cause was suggested on C-D by someone looking for the worst. More friendships are spoiled by business and finance. Maybe Maybe Maybe. Go watch "Sophia's Wedding" on Golden Girls.
Maybe doesn't matter. It's none of your concern.
You don't give me enough credit, I could have come up with far worse things than cheating as a possibility lol
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