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If you don’t even know someone or have very little contact, I don’t see how you owe them anything. I’m extremely glad to be invited to almost no weddings ever, because the few I’ve had to attend including my own have sucked pretty badly. One didn’t even have an open bar, which was cruel and unusual punishment for a highly religious wedding where the moron upfront found some way to make the entire thing about Jesus instead of the couple actually getting married. To be fair, no amount of alcohol could have made the situation appreciably better so maybe they knew that. Food was from CostCo, since they were like 19 and poor, and we had to stop at a restaurant immediately after where my now wife bribed me with food and alcohol to be slightly less annoyed by my ruined Saturday. I just pray (appreciate the irony) not to be invited to many weddings. My poor wife is a wedding photographer (and other photography), so she’s stuck going to a million of the things. Bottom line don’t give people gifts out of obligation, give them out of care.
I just gave my best friend an awesome gift because I have the money and know he will love it, I don’t want or expect anything back. I have everything I need and I gave it to him because I care.
A lot of great replies, thank you! Because it's family, I DO feel obligated. But I've never met these kids and the mom is not very friendly. I will look at the registries, there's 3 of them, I imagine I'll find something.
They are Blood. Blood doesn't mean family. If you never met the kids, they are hardly "family".
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Personally, I’ve given my cousins a congratulations message on Facebook and feel that is sufficient since we aren’t really close. I’m childfree and I don’t really feel a need for reciprocation since they will never need to do the same for me since I won’t have kids.
I’m more likely to give my close friends a $50 gift since I have a closer relationship with them.
A lot of great replies, thank you! Because it's family, I DO feel obligated. But I've never met these kids and the mom is not very friendly. I will look at the registries, there's 3 of them, I imagine I'll find something.
If you've never met the kids (who are getting married and having babies) you clearly haven't been in contact with these cousins in decades. Personally, I would feel no sense of obligation to send anything at all. Especially if finances were tight. I have not sent anything to the children of my cousins that I have not seen since we played together as children. 1) There are simply too many of them (as another poster wisely pointed out) and I have medical expenses 2) there is not a relationship in place. On the other hand, I do send gifts on birthdays and holidays to my nephews. We do see them regularly and have a relationship with them and their parents. Celebrating milestones with them feels natural and appropriate.
I go! My family never lookd down upon me for not having kids & I never felt inferior in any way for not having any. I have a cousin who never had kids eiteher & she's older than I am.
Personally, I’ve given my cousins a congratulations message on Facebook and feel that is sufficient since we aren’t really close. I’m childfree and I don’t really feel a need for reciprocation since they will never need to do the same for me since I won’t have kids.
I’m more likely to give my close friends a $50 gift since I have a closer relationship with them.
This. Being a proto-curmudgeon I am tempted to send a condolences card for either marriage or children, but won't ever do something so gallows humor. I'm more interested when my friends have babies, as one couple was wont to do rather often until he was just "fixed." I drove him to the appointment for that. Now THAT was amusing: 7 was enough for them. I turn up to the shower, or did anyway during the Plague. It was on Zoom. Yes, that was odd, but they loved it.
(Friend of mine had a birthday concert via Zoom, too. That was almost interesting, as an aside.)
The cousins have been dead to me 20 years, no need to break the streak. I think they believe I'm that long lost Uncle BB lost in the Amazon or some such and will emerge when I'm 70 to merge back into the fold. Well, being in Seattle the "Amazon" part is right, sorta. And when I'm 70 I may be interested in what any of them are doing. I have no siblings, no kids, and keep clear of partners as thoroughly as practicable past five years. Not many others find that position appealing to their particulars, goals in life if you will.
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My family never lookd down upon me for not having kids & I never felt inferior in any way for not having any. I have a cousin who never had kids eiteher & she's older than I am.
