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Well my partner hates it too when she does that to me but he's a really sweet guy and he's really tactful. So I'm wondering if it's better if he tells her not to do that but at the same time does that mean she's only going to do it when he's not around. I'm not the kind of person that lets other people deal with in my confrontations but I said I like them girlfriend she's a sweetheart and I really don't want to hurt our feelings but I fear that it's only going to get worse.
I guess I just have to rip the bandage off.
Not a good idea. As I noted in another recent-ish thread where a person was making inappropriate advances to the poster's significant other... it should be addressed by the person to whom the advances/actions are directed. Anything coming from that person's significant other just makes the significant other look like a jealous jerk defending their territory, but says nothing about how the person actually being hit on feels about it. And nobody wants to appear to be the angry rooster strutting indignantly around the yard when the hen may be open to meeting the interloper behind the barn, eh? (Besides the fact that such an action also ignores the autonomy of the person actually being hit on.)
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Originally Posted by Hankrigby
Well I think my major thing in starting this thread was to determine whether or not my boundaries are reasonable.
Your boundaries are always reasonable. No one has to be any more physical with another person than they want to be.
To me, touching the legs would also be crossing boundaries.
For different people, they might object to hugs or even touching on the arms. Everyone is different. The gf should understand that. But its up to you to let her know where your comfort zone is.
Yeah it's just never happened to me before. Simone mentioned stepping aside or dodging touches. I think that's a good idea.
Not a good idea. As I noted in another recent-ish thread where a person was making inappropriate advances to the poster's significant other... it should be addressed by the person to whom the advances/actions are directed. Anything coming from that person's significant other just makes the significant other look like a jealous jerk defending their territory, but says nothing about how the person actually being hit on feels about it. And nobody wants to appear to be the angry rooster strutting indignantly around the yard when the hen may be open to meeting the interloper behind the barn, eh? (Besides the fact that such an action also ignores the autonomy of the person actually being hit on.)
Yeah I was reluctant to go about that.
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Your boundaries are always reasonable. No one has to be any more physical with another person than they want to be.
thanks. I'm going to try that strategy of just stepping aside. If it causes her to question me I'll just be honest.
I've never put my hand in the back pocket of any man's jeans, not even my husband.
If you want to stay friends with your friend don't confront his gf.
Just keep an eye on her. If she moves close to you, move to the other side of your partner.
Let her give you a peck on the cheek, immediately disengage and move away. Put your partner and your friend physically between you and her. Keep your eyes away from her.
Be polite but distant. No need for a confrontation. Most women master this technique early on in life. You can too.
What does your friend think about his girlfriend being that touchy with you?
Maybe she's a little strange. Maybe she thinks you might be bi. Perhaps your childhood friend and gf are interested in a threesome. No telling about people.
I have put my hands in a man's pockets, but I meant something with it along the lines of let me ravish you. :-)
You have every right to tell her to knock it off, or that it makes you uncomfortable. It's not much different than you putting your hands on her breasts. You could ask your friend to ask her to stop it. If you are not happy about it the sooner you say something the better.
I've never put my hand in the back pocket of any man's jeans, not even my husband.
If you want to stay friends with your friend don't confront his gf.
Just keep an eye on her. If she moves close to you, move to the other side of your partner.
Let her give you a peck on the cheek, immediately disengage and move away. Put your partner and your friend physically between you and her. Keep your eyes away from her.
Be polite but distant. No need for a confrontation. Most women master this technique early on in life. You can too.
Okay so treat it as though I'm straight and act as though I need to make sure my partner knows I'm not interested...
I never thought about approaching it like a straight man.
That's a eureka moment but maybe it should have been obvious to me.
What does your friend think about his girlfriend being that touchy with you?
this may sound odd but he might not pay it any mind.
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Maybe she's a little strange. Maybe she thinks you might be bi. Perhaps your childhood friend and gf are interested in a threesome. No telling about people.
well my friend knows I'm gay hello you guys are so cute I've talked about this with them because you know everybody's a little curious and they ask. The way it's said within certain circles is I'm a six on the Kennedy scale. That basically means I would more likely go Monk then be with a woman.
I told him you can pick out two I figured it's because I'm a lot like her boyfriend we share a lot of interests and the way I'm described within the community is straight acting.
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I have put my hands in a man's pockets, but I meant something with it along the lines of let me ravish you. :-)
I'm wondering if it's not a test to see if I'm really gay
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You have every right to tell her to knock it off, or that it makes you uncomfortable. It's not much different than you putting your hands on her breasts. You could ask your friend to ask her to stop it. If you are not happy about it the sooner you say something the better.
I think I'm going to try somebody language it's typically clear enough to say hey I don't like it but not really calling her out for it.
I have a difficult time communicating to women about these sorts of things
Well I wondered if I was being too sensitive about it until the other day driving home from their place my partner asked me about it.
It might just be one of those things like the frog in the pot of water. I don't think she means anything buy it.
I don't think she means anything by it consciously. Unconsciously there may be any number of things going on. This is only my opinion, but some people think that gay people (male or female) can be reprogrammed. In my mind, and this is only my mind, her touching your buttocks is beyond the pale and there is something going on with that.
However, you don't need to make a big deal out of it, and it doesn't really matter what her agenda is, just take the advice of the others here who stated that you need to address it sooner than later, and set your boundaries. She will likely play dumb (ignorant), and maybe it is ignorant, but be that as it may you don't want to be subject to her concious or unconscious agenda, whatever it is.
I don't think she means anything by it consciously. Unconsciously there may be any number of things going on. This is only my opinion, but some people think that gay people (male or female) can be reprogrammed. In my mind, and this is only my mind, her touching your buttocks is beyond the pale and there is something going on with that.
My thoughts on it was that it was really rather harmless and I figured she was just being playful. It's crossed a boundary though and I don't want it to cross any more.
I've had women tell me I'm only gay because I've not met the right woman. I'm not sure it just seems out of character for this person she's never said anything like that to me. Someone earlier mentioned some sort of swinging but I'm not sure that's it either.
I am starting to wonder now. This friend of mine is with this woman it's a little weirded out when I told him that I was gay I had known him before 16 years before I came out to him.
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However, you don't need to make a big deal out of it, and it doesn't really matter what her agenda is, just take the advice of the others here who stated that you need to address it sooner than later, and set your boundaries. She will likely play dumb (ignorant), and maybe it is ignorant, but be that as it may you don't want to be subject to her concious or unconscious agenda, whatever it is.
I like to have one of the suggestions early in the thread someone said basically use body language to tell her no. Move away when she reaches out to touch me.
This is just really something I've never had to deal with. So I'm totally unequipped.
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