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Your husband had already had a few beers so your sudden objecting to his being given a drink would have seemed weird. I’m assuming he wasn’t driving home.
Uh,maybe it's just me..What kind of "friends" know about the OP's husband's struggles with substance abuse and intentionally and willfully SABOTAGE his sobriety? And undermine the wife's loving (but probably fruitless) attempts to help him? I mean, come on people. Can you give these people dealing with the hell of substance abuse a break?
Uh,maybe it's just me..What kind of "friends" know about the OP's husband's struggles with substance abuse and intentionally and willfully SABOTAGE his sobriety? And undermine the wife's loving (but probably fruitless) attempts to help him? I mean, come on people. Can you give these people dealing with the hell of substance abuse a break?
Just to clarify, these people are NOT friends.
Completely agree. The husband needs to decide to stop drinking, but he doesn't need a pack of misanthropic enablers in his face either. The OP needs to find some new people to socialize with...this crowd aren't "friends." An-Anon might provide her with some much-needed support.
Uh,maybe it's just me..What kind of "friends" know about the OP's husband's struggles with substance abuse and intentionally and willfully SABOTAGE his sobriety? And undermine the wife's loving (but probably fruitless) attempts to help him? I mean, come on people. Can you give these people dealing with the hell of substance abuse a break?
Just to clarify, these people are NOT friends.
Agree.
OP, if you decide to continue to socialize with people who will not accept that it is improper to offer your DH alcohol, you and he need to agree to leave the party the first time someone refuses to understand that "no" from you means "no".
Uh,maybe it's just me..What kind of "friends" know about the OP's husband's struggles with substance abuse and intentionally and willfully SABOTAGE his sobriety? And undermine the wife's loving (but probably fruitless) attempts to help him? I mean, come on people. Can you give these people dealing with the hell of substance abuse a break?
Just to clarify, these people are NOT friends.
They weren’t willfully sabotaging his sobriety. Her husband was already drunk from a few beers when he took the drink. In other words, he had already sabotaged his own sobriety.
OP, I recommend limiting your husband's exposure to alcohol by choosing your entertainment venues more carefully. Hubby is less likely to get smashed while playing chess than by hanging out at a bar. Realizing that it's ultimately not your responsibility that he drinks to excess, if he finds that you won't attend certain functions because you know that alcohol is likely to be present, this may dissuade him from attending.
Simple remarks do wonders.
My go to are:
I'm allergic, I break out into a case of stupidity with that liquid.
Or my true friends upright say . She's in recovery. How about a sweet tea for the sweet lady .
I find social drinking to be a wonderful opportunity to shine in resistance training.
I see many spouses speaking up and I have much respect for them being the voice of responsibility.
This hubby though does need to take the drink ...and pour it out . That's a clear message that he no longer drinks alcohol. Most would be ...well I'm not letting him waste this good drink!! Then they could give him a soft drink ...
I took a drink and did just that when a chap said ohhh one won't hurt. Drink up!! So I graciously took it, and poured it in a glass and passed it to Uncle Joe who was an avid taste tester of libations. I jokingly said he is making sure there is no roofies in it.
I mean I don’t go around telling people not to give him drinks but he is an alcoholic and people know this and he won’t stop unless I kindly intervene. Normally we are not in situations where he drinks but last night we were at a fest. He had a few beers. People that where friends with one of my friends brought a bunch of hard liquors and passed out shots almost forcing us to drink them. I don’t drink but I did one shot. They have me another but I wasn’t going to drink it so my husband says I’ll have it. I told him I preferred he didn’t. People heard me and took it out from under me and handed it to him. Granted not all of them know he has drinking problems. But I don’t like when people undermine me when they don’t know anything about us. Or the people that do and have witness things argue with me “Let him have one more shot”. The last time I wasn’t around him people gave him so many shots he passed out. I would never do that to someone else’s husband or wife.
Do you plan on being his handler and to exercise your control over him for the rest of his life if he can't control himself?
You said that people give your husband drinks when you ask them not to. Here's the deal with people like that - and don't take this personal coming from me to you, I'm just telling you how their minds are working, okay?
They do it because in their minds you have declared yourself to be their enemy and your husband's enemy when you ask them to not do it. Even if they do know that hubby is an alcoholic they don't care about that if they are drinkers themselves and want your husband to have just as good a time as they are having. They want him to get as drunk and stupid as themselves. They think that they're sticking up for your hubby and they resent you telling them what not to do or to do because you have no right to ask anything from them.
Whatever you tell/ask them to do or not do on your husband's behalf, they will do the exact opposite as a show of solidarity with your husband because you have become his enemy who is trying to spoil his fun and their fun too. They resent you for being your husband's handler because in their minds you are making your husband look small, weak and stupid in front of other people and that means they feel like you are trying to make them look small, weak and stupid too because you had to ask them to not give booze to hubby. That is especially resented when you make him and them look small in a social setting where there are lots of other people, some of whom may be strangers.
They want to get your husband drunk for his sake and their sakes and also as a show of resentment and disrespect against you. That's how their minds work. So if you and your hubby are going to hang out and socialize with drinkers then you better get used to other people showing disrespect for you as his handler and there will always be some drinker there encouraging your husband to get drunk with them.
Now here you can get mad at me if you don't like hearing this - the fact is your husband really IS being a small, stupid weakling that you have chosen to be married to and try to be his handler. Obviously you aren't doing a good job of handling him because he's still ignoring you and drinking and getting drunk. And you did not set a good example to him by drinking anything at that "fest" such as that one shot you say you had. That was you showing disrespect for your husband in a public setting.
You said your husband has a drinking problem and you are wrong about that. Your husband doesn't have a drinking problem - he IS a drinking problem, and he is your problem now. Until he commits himself 100% to not ever having another drink of anything with alcohol in it, not even a single lite beer or cider, and sticks to his commitment 100%, he will continue to be your problem because you have chosen to be his handler who is trying to protect him from himself. He has to quit for himself, not for you.
So maybe you should quit trying to be his handler before your problem worries you to death and destitution.
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They weren’t willfully sabotaging his sobriety. Her husband was already drunk from a few beers when he took the drink. In other words, he had already sabotaged his own sobriety.
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