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Old 05-28-2008, 03:04 PM
 
14,785 posts, read 14,572,064 times
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If a friendship isn't satisfying for whatever reason, don't feel guilty about cutting back on it, or dropping it. Just because someone's ill (mentally or physically) doesn't mean you have to put up with more crap than you would from any other friendship.

Also be honest about your own behavior and attitudes towards your friend: if you're trying to fix her, or change her, or cure her, or trying to get her to get help, or to get well, that is care-taking and not healthy behavior on your part. It is useful information for you though to watch and observe and take note of how you do relationship.
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Old 05-28-2008, 03:50 PM
 
4,247 posts, read 9,607,014 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DimSumRaja View Post
If a friendship isn't satisfying for whatever reason, don't feel guilty about cutting back on it, or dropping it. Just because someone's ill (mentally or physically) doesn't mean you have to put up with more crap than you would from any other friendship.

Also be honest about your own behavior and attitudes towards your friend: if you're trying to fix her, or change her, or cure her, or trying to get her to get help, or to get well, that is care-taking and not healthy behavior on your part. It is useful information for you though to watch and observe and take note of how you do relationship.
What you say here is really good. But she can be a very kind person when she is in a good place. I know she's going through some tough times and she's been there for me during a crisis so I guess that is why I cut her a lot of slack. Honestly, and however, if it weren't for her mental illness I don't know that I would be cutting her this slack.

I guess I do try to cheer her up but that isn't the same as fixing someone? I am trying to help her get well though and that isn't something I can really do. She does take her meds but tends to blow off therapists at the last minute, which I guess I do find rude. Plus, we were at the same function last night and I'd asked her earlier in the day if she wanted to go get something to eat. As soon as the seminar was over she left without even saying goodbye and now won't say anything beyond she is ok, so I have no idea if she is upset with me or just more depressed than usual. I do wish she would at least let me know what is up. I do appreciate your thoughts.
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Old 05-28-2008, 03:56 PM
 
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
8,308 posts, read 35,580,233 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DimSumRaja View Post
If a friendship isn't satisfying for whatever reason, don't feel guilty about cutting back on it, or dropping it. Just because someone's ill (mentally or physically) doesn't mean you have to put up with more crap than you would from any other friendship.

Also be honest about your own behavior and attitudes towards your friend: if you're trying to fix her, or change her, or cure her, or trying to get her to get help, or to get well, that is care-taking and not healthy behavior on your part. It is useful information for you though to watch and observe and take note of how you do relationship.
Dead on. If you perpetuate an unhealthy relationship with an unhealthy girl, you're not doing her any favors.

Quote:
Originally Posted by movin'on View Post
What you say here is really good. But she can be a very kind person when she is in a good place. I know she's going through some tough times and she's been there for me during a crisis so I guess that is why I cut her a lot of slack. Honestly, and however, if it weren't for her mental illness I don't know that I would be cutting her this slack..
This is tricky, though. Does she remind you about being there for you in a crisis from time to time?
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Old 05-28-2008, 06:39 PM
 
Location: D.C. area
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Are you sure she isn't bipolar? The "walking on eggshells" and her sudden snaps at you sound bipolar. If so, antidepressants can make it worse. my soon to be ex was misdiagnosed with depression and now they say he's bipolar.
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Old 05-28-2008, 06:47 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 23,274,506 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by movin'on View Post
Again, I end up thinking she is using the depression as an excuse, which is probably not fair of me.
If you have known her for awhile, then maybe your instincts are right.
I would keep your head up on that one, but try to be as understanding as you can be, without getting hurt.
I would let her know that she is being disrespectful. People want to help, but it also gets old being used, etc.
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Old 05-28-2008, 06:49 PM
 
25,163 posts, read 49,653,373 times
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I've heard that the medication can sometimes cause a person to become worse if the dosage is too high, also side effects can make a person more irritated. It happens!
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Old 05-28-2008, 07:04 PM
 
Location: California
11,449 posts, read 17,677,466 times
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I wouldn't walk on egg shells for them, in only encourages them to act out even more, you can be a friend but I would show her you will stand up for yourself and won't accept attacks. You only make her worst if you let her get away with it.
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Old 05-28-2008, 07:12 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,835 posts, read 81,199,549 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newbie too View Post
my soon to be ex was misdiagnosed with depression and now they say he's bipolar.
This seems to be as common of a diagnose as the flu nowadays. I'm pretty sure that half of us can get it should we care to go see a good Doc... It's very much like that ADD BS. Let's stuff the kids with Ritalin because they dare be kids...
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Old 05-28-2008, 07:39 PM
 
Location: D.C. area
26 posts, read 61,072 times
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I didn't know that. He is sure buying in. "You should forgive me for sleeping with prostitutes and doing cocaine and lying about sooo sooo much b/c I am bipolar!" Sorry, this isn't about me...
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Old 05-28-2008, 09:40 PM
 
4,247 posts, read 9,607,014 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newbie too View Post
I didn't know that. He is sure buying in. "You should forgive me for sleeping with prostitutes and doing cocaine and lying about sooo sooo much b/c I am bipolar!" Sorry, this isn't about me...
Well, if your friend is on medication for BP then he should not be doing these crazy things anymore. I tend to believe that if a drug works (as in a mood stabilizer), then there probably is a BP issue. Interesting thing about one of them is that it's actually used for epilepsy too.
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