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I agree with your therapist. Now that you're sensitized to Negative Nelly it's going to get worse, not better, because you can't tune her out. What about posting a "reminder" about the purposes for forming the group and the social side boards; that's acceptable topics of conversation, to show courtesy, respect, that it isn't a therapy group, etc.? It won't target anyone in particular and it won't be changing what's already in place. Assuming the group had the forethought to set some ground rules from the start. If that never happened, you're sort of stuck with the negativity. You are NOT stuck with the racist or other offensive remarks. That isn't acceptable regardless of venue. You shouldn't need to be the bad guy here. The group should be backing you up assuming they're on the same page.
If ground rules never really happened, maybe now's the time. Broadcast a request to the group to re-define the purpose and the acceptable bylines and participation. I bet you aren't the only person who doesn't like Negative Nelly's constant neediness. They will probably jump right on the band wagon with you. Why not let the group express what they want and don't want? That will put Nelly on notice what's acceptable behavior if the group presents a more united front. It also might help you marginalize her to the point she leaves on her own.
Last edited by Parnassia; 02-29-2024 at 07:21 PM..
I agree with Parnassia about the need to establish ground rules. If there are 30 individuals who are part of your group you started, that's quite a large group and not everyone can be expected to see eye-to-eye with everyone else. So some ground rules really are necessary now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zendayae
I asked my therapist what I should do, and she says I can just do a post on my FB group to state that "this isn't a therapy group, we don't do racism here, this group is meant to be light hearted and meant to make friends, and not a support group for you to tell us about all your trauma, etc." I'm kind of hesitant to do this TBH even though I really want to do or say something.
Why are you hesitant? It's your group isn't it, you started the group, right? You need to be a moderator and take some responsibility or leadership for the well being and satisfaction of your group. Do this ^ first, what your therapist told you to do and see if that helps. It might be all that's needed. If the chronic complainers/attention seekers/racists don't take the hint then you might need to take them aside and speak to them privately about toning down their negativity because negativity and racism is not the purpose of the group. It's supposed to be about fun and good fellowship, it's not about being an unpaid mental health support group for disrespectful people who are social misfits.
Jennifer sounds like a poop. What type of racist comments were made? Were they in reference to something being discussed, or did she just blab a random complaint like "I went to the store today and there were so many Mexican kids running around..."?
Ok, I decided to post what my therapist recommended in my FB group. After I did this, I received a DM from one of the women thanking me for doing that because she too felt uncomfortable when the negative discussions were being made, and she's the oldest one in our group. If this continues again, then I'll just remove those other two from the FB group and they can be best friends. They won't see our meetups anymore.
Jennifer sounds like a poop. What type of racist comments were made? Were they in reference to something being discussed, or did she just blab a random complaint like "I went to the store today and there were so many Mexican kids running around..."?
Pretty much generalizing a group of people to the point that I had to defend that group of people, and it made me very uncomfortable. When I think back, I should've called her out and told her she was being racist.
Sometimes it's uncomfortable, but you very much might be doing Jennifer a favor.
If you're brave enough, be honest with her about why she is being dropped, and that maybe she needs to re=evaluate her life and decisions. It will never go over well, but there's a chance she will eventually realize she is her own worst enemy.
But basically... life is short. Don't allow unwarranted negativity ruin any bit of it.
Since this is a Facebook group could you dm Jennifer and explain your concerns and give her a chance to change?
She defriended me on FB after I made that post. I was debating if I should give her another chance to see if she would be different in our next meeting, but she made that decision for me. Which tells me she obviously didn’t think she did anything wrong and she wasn’t going to change. The trash took itself out.
She defriended me on FB after I made that post. I was debating if I should give her another chance to see if she would be different in our next meeting, but she made that decision for me. Which tells me she obviously didn’t think she did anything wrong and she wasn’t going to change. The trash took itself out.
All the better! Your therapist was correct and you followed that advice. I bet you have a happier group moving forward.
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