Son's Family Moving to Asia (wife, spouse, husband, siblings)
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My son, DIL and grandchildren, along with DIL's parents are moving to the Philippines in a few months. The DIL's parents always wanted to retire there, as her mother is Filipino and she has a large extended family. (Their other daughter will stay behind with her husband & newborn--she is very upset over this move). My son has only been there once. The reason for the move is that they need a larger home with two children and can't afford to move up in CO, as real estate is very expensive. Also, US politics, expensive healthcare, etc. They both do contract work at home and can get a 6-bedroom home in a gated community with a maid and support from the extended family. I think the DIL's parents are the driving force, however.
We are heartbroken they are leaving as the opportunity to see them will be limited--travel to the Philippines is a very long flight (20 hrs plus) and expensive, and at our age (early 70's) difficult. My son wants us to come every 6 months for a few weeks to visit and says they will come "home" to visit, as well. None of this sounds realistic to me and so we are struggling to figure it all out.
I'm wondering if anyone here has lived in the Philippines and can share opinions about the quality of life there. I realize it's a third world country with lots of problems...they plan to be living near Clark AF Base, which is north of Manila.
Also, any parent/grandparent advice on how to focus on the positive and "let go" and ways to keep in touch is appreciated.
While I know nothing about life in the Philippines, I do know what it's like when family moves far from you. In our case, they moved to the other end of the country. We visit them once a year and talk on the phone once a week.
I suggest that if you are able to talk frequently to them, then do so. How old are your grandkids? Are they old enough to be able to have conversations with you? Also, you can communicate through FB. If you don't have a FB page, make one. Your son and DIL can post photos of the grandkids so you can see how much they are growing and maturing.
I understand your reluctance to travel long distances as you age. Perhaps, you can visit once a year instead of twice a year? Do they plan to make any visits to visit you?
I do understand your heartbreak. When my grandkids and their Dad moved, I was in tears. Yet, the best thing you can do is put on a brave face. It's okay to say you'll miss them. Just don't try to make them feel guilty about their decision.
I'm sorry, I'd be heartbroken too. Our grown kids are 8 hours away which is hard enough.
We make it through by focusing on the next time we'll see each other. Once you book your first trip you'll all have something to look forward to, even if it's a long time from now.
Facebook, texts, FaceTime are all great ways to keep in touch.
It sounds like the plan has been made.
Living close to an AF base does not automatically mean access to services offered there..
How will they handle medical/dental?
OP does not say how old the children are. What impact will the move have on their education, social integration and future opportunities?
We did the two/three continent flights for years. It gets old and very expensive. 20 hr flight means airport to airport not travel time.
We have friends who brought their Filipina spouses to Europe and US. We have a friend who moved to the Manila outskirts for his wife. He has an extensive and constantly updated blog about life there. I am under impressed with luxury real estate on the market affordable for US 150-250k income earners.
Face time, WhatsUp will make it easier for you. Maybe getting closer to your DIL's sister and her family.
Thanks for all the great advice. Yes, we are heartbroken with this move, and although I cried when I heard the news, we have put on brave faces and pledged our support. The grandchildren are babies and I'm told they will definitely do the International School or a private school when they get older. And, even though my DIL's parents will be moving with them, her mother cried when my son was about to tell us the news. She knows how she would feel in my shoes. We have been close with my DIL and her family here, so it will be easy to transition and stay in touch with them, as well.
The thoughts of a 20 hour flight is so unappealing, but we will try to do it once a year until we can no longer handle it. (My husband does not want to go at all!) They have pledged to come here to visit, as well, but we know how that is with two babies!! They are also trying to get us to move there, but no way! At our age, it's too much to risk. So, we will continue with our Telegram family app and do Facetime once a week.
They don't plan to move until June. Their house sold here for over asking price in 2 days!
And, we will continue to be brave and positive for their sake and ours. I do dread the goodbyes in June
I certainly do sympathize with your situation. If you do decide to travel to the Philippines, don't do it in one straight shot. Fly to Hawaii, then stay there for a few days, then fly from there to Manila. Breaking up the trip will make it slightly less painful.
I certainly do sympathize with your situation. If you do decide to travel to the Philippines, don't do it in one straight shot. Fly to Hawaii, then stay there for a few days, then fly from there to Manila. Breaking up the trip will make it slightly less painful.
And, we will continue to be brave and positive for their sake and ours. I do dread the goodbyes in June
Yes, the goodbyes are the hardest. Before our son-in-law and grandkids headed out west, (they went by car) they stopped to visit us for 2 days. When it was time to say "goodbye", I had to choke back my tears. I hugged each of our grandkids and said to them "I love you" and they said the same to us. As they were leaving, the youngest came back for more hugs and his siblings followed suit. After they arrived at their destination, one of the kids sent me a FB message and said he started crying before they even left our building. I let him know that I cried, too.
In the meantime, make an effort to spend as much time with them as you can. See if you can do some activities together as it will take your mind off the fact that they will be leaving.
My son, DIL and grandchildren, along with DIL's parents are moving to the Philippines in a few months. The DIL's parents always wanted to retire there, as her mother is Filipino and she has a large extended family. (Their other daughter will stay behind with her husband & newborn--she is very upset over this move). My son has only been there once. The reason for the move is that they need a larger home with two children and can't afford to move up in CO, as real estate is very expensive. Also, US politics, expensive healthcare, etc. They both do contract work at home and can get a 6-bedroom home in a gated community with a maid and support from the extended family. I think the DIL's parents are the driving force, however.
We are heartbroken they are leaving as the opportunity to see them will be limited--travel to the Philippines is a very long flight (20 hrs plus) and expensive, and at our age (early 70's) difficult. My son wants us to come every 6 months for a few weeks to visit and says they will come "home" to visit, as well. None of this sounds realistic to me and so we are struggling to figure it all out.
I'm wondering if anyone here has lived in the Philippines and can share opinions about the quality of life there. I realize it's a third world country with lots of problems...they plan to be living near Clark AF Base, which is north of Manila.
Also, any parent/grandparent advice on how to focus on the positive and "let go" and ways to keep in touch is appreciated.
I spent 5 weeks there several decades ago. It was much less developed then. The people are very friendly, a laid-back subtropical kind of culture. The food is great. North of Manila is a nice area, not as hot as the southern islands. I think (not totally sure though) it is also safer than the southern islands, which have an Islamic insurgency problem.
When I was there, Manila was full of pickpockets and opportunists, so basically don't carry money when you go into the city, or else use a money belt or other hard-to-steal methods. Leave your passport etc. in the house when you go to the city, maybe just bring a credit card and a passport card (get one). The city used to be so polluted I could barely breathe, but I believe they've cleaned it up a little.
It really helps to speak a bit of Tagalog, an easy language to pick up. Even just to say a few words and people really light up. But a lot of people can speak English.
I think the advice of stopping over in Hawaii for a couple of days is not a bad idea. But international flights are pretty comfortable these days and even the American carriers will offer multiple meals and snacks and other amenities, if only because all their foreign competitors do. But you're better off going with a foreign carrier. Also, a stopover will make it feel like a much longer journey. Sometimes it's actually easier to just get there as soon as possible. Bring a little melatonin to help you adjust to the time zone.
I suggest you go once and spend 2-3 weeks, and see how you like it. It's an absolutely beautiful place. You may fall in love with the country.
I spent 5 weeks there several decades ago. It was much less developed then. The people are very friendly, a laid-back subtropical kind of culture. The food is great. North of Manila is a nice area, not as hot as the southern islands. I think (not totally sure though) it is also safer than the southern islands, which have an Islamic insurgency problem.
When I was there, Manila was full of pickpockets and opportunists, so basically don't carry money when you go into the city, or else use a money belt or other hard-to-steal methods. Leave your passport etc. in the house when you go to the city, maybe just bring a credit card and a passport card (get one). The city used to be so polluted I could barely breathe, but I believe they've cleaned it up a little.
It really helps to speak a bit of Tagalog, an easy language to pick up. Even just to say a few words and people really light up. But a lot of people can speak English.
I think the advice of stopping over in Hawaii for a couple of days is not a bad idea. But international flights are pretty comfortable these days and even the American carriers will offer multiple meals and snacks and other amenities, if only because all their foreign competitors do. But you're better off going with a foreign carrier. Also, a stopover will make it feel like a much longer journey. Sometimes it's actually easier to just get there as soon as possible. Bring a little melatonin to help you adjust to the time zone.
I suggest you go once and spend 2-3 weeks, and see how you like it. It's an absolutely beautiful place. You may fall in love with the country.
Thank you for sharing your personal experience and insights. Helped me to feel better about where my son & his family will be living. I watched a few YT videos of life there and I was stunned by the level of poverty in Manila. I knew about the kindness of the Filipino people with the experience I've had with my DIL and her family.
I knew about the pickpocketing and scams, but good to be reminded. Did not know about the passport card. Is that issued there or in advance of traveling?
Will definitely memorize a few basics in Tagalog! Thanks for that tip.
You make a great point on non-stop travel, so we will need to mull over what to do. Makes sense.
This is a lot for my husband and I to take in and come to terms with. Our younger son & daughter are still in shock over the news. But, getting info here has been very helpful as we accept this new reality. Hearing you say it's a beautiful place really shifts my opinion positively. THANK YOU!
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