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I think that you can really tell alot about people when someone passes away. When my parents died together in a crash we set up a big funeral and few of their so called friends attended. I can remember many people who Mom and Dad talked about for years as being such good friends and wonderful people, did not have the time to go to the viewing, funeral or burial. I found this odd because it was on a number of days. These so called friends sent us a Hallmark Card and said they were sorry they could not attend but were so busy.
In other cases I have seen people show up a funerals of people they had not talked to in years and really did not like.
Why does it take a death to really know about family friends? What has been your experience?
I cannot recollect the poets name, but there is a famous poem which talks about how, We, The Living, have no time for small things in life. The gist of the poem goes like this...when you see a smile in a beautiful lady's eyes, you adore it, but you have no time to wait until it reaches her lips...
Just like in the poem, many a time, we are too busy to notice little things in life. And when death strikes, we make more excuses of being busy.
I faced exactly the same situation when my favorite uncle died. We came to know many things about his friends only at that time. Sorry to hear about parents.
I know i didnt answer your question. Because I dont know the answer myself.
So sad. My first thought was that maybe they did not know about it. I have found that each funeral is as unique as the individuals. That must have been awful for you to lose both at one time.
First, I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I am not defending anyone's actions here, but you might consider that some people really have a hard time attending funerals, and so avoid them. Also, you are seeing the numbers as a whole than treating them as individual cases.
What I mean is that perhaps one couple fears funerals (for whatever reason), and they do not think that two people missing the services is too much to bare; but then it seems another couple here, there and now everywhere have failed to show.
The fact that some even went through the effort to send a card means they at least were thinking of them.
I'm sorry for your loss. But I have to agree with HTBU, some people can't handle a funeral myself included and wouldn't attend but maybe privately after at the grave site. They did make the effort and send a card.
I am sorry as well for your loss. With regard to funerals, however, I have found that some people are afraid of them for whatever reason, confronting their own mortality, an inability to let go, shock, and even an attempt to freeze their friend/loved on in time by not allowing the finality of a last goodbye. It does not make it easy for the family who was lost their loved one not to have the friends present, and sometimes people have feeble excuses as to why they cannot come that may seem flimsy, But, in some cases, they may not have been able to come for reasons other than stated and might be too embarassed or did not want to burden a family who has lost a loved one with a projection of their own fears and sadness, especially if they could not keep their own emotions in check.
I think the most cowardly thing a person can say to a friend is, "I wanted to come, but I just can't handle the funeral."
Good God. Be an adult. Just as importantly, be a friend. We are all going to die and avoiding a funeral does not change that fact. And using some phony baloney pop psychology to rationalize it away does not make you any less worthless in that regard. For a true friend is there when things are at their very worst, not just when things are good.
I learned a lot about some of my so-called friends when my father died. Several of them just couldn't be bothered to attend or call under the fig leaf that either "I just can't stand funerals" and "I just didn't know what to say." The positive was that I pretty much knew which ones of my friends had character, and which ones didn't.
Adults deal with unpleasant realities in order to comfort their friends. Arrested adolescents say, "Bummer" and make excuses. Political, be thankful that you found out who your friends really were, and who you could really count on. And, for those of you who have skipped the funeral of a close friend or that of his immediate family members, shame on you for your shallow self-centeredness.
Political, I am so sorry for your loss. I know that it is a devastating blow, made even more severe by the unconscionable failure of your so-called friends to be there in your hour of need.
When my boyfriend's 90 year old grandfather passed away, the attendance at the funeral and the memorial lunch afterwards was rather sparse. And it surprised me because he had done so much all his life for his community and even donated enough to the local university to have one of the medical studies buildings named after him.
Some people have busy lives, and also many are not comfortable with going to a funeral. When a high school classmate of mine passed away suddenly about two years ago, I didn't go to his funeral. We weren't that close and I had no real desire to attend.
There are more ways to honor those that have passed than make a public display of mourning. Maybe your parents' friends said a prayer for them the next time they went to church, or made some comments at grace before dinnertime. Maybe a toast was said for them.
I'm so sorry for your loss. That really does suck that people couldn't take the time out to pay their respects to someone who considered them a friend. I couldn't imagine not attending a friend's funeral. I lost a friend. she was only 20. And I could never forgive myself if I didn't go to her funeral. It's not about saying the right thing or even about me not handling it. It about giving support to the family and other friends. Just showing how that person has touch your life could give comfort to someone else. But nowadays people only care about themselves. Sorry.
I am sorry for your loss genius. That had to be devastating.
I found that I knew who my friends were in a time of need. Most were there for me but some acted strangely..
I heard the busy excuse too but my parents had a ton of friends and actually many were there.
I had not seen one of my friends in 10 years (but we would call each other even if 5 years passed and still pick up where we left off). I ended up seeing the obit in my old local news...(lived there for 29 years)so I read the papers!online..Glad this is a computer age now! and drove 8 hrs. since we couldn't get a flight in time out for the wake but made the funeral in the morning. My friend died of a brain tumor. He was only 39. I knew that was the last time to ever see him so I felt the need to go. I am glad I did. His parents were really happy to see me and were so surprised I came...but said, "Michael would be smiling from ear to ear if he knew you came"!
Some people do not know how to deal with death BUT you know something? Who wants to go to a funeral? No one particularly, BUT we don't think of ourselves. We do it for our friends/family! Maybe it's the way I was brought up. I don't know but I am there ......for my friends or family.
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I knew that was the last time to ever see him so I felt the need to go. I am glad I did. His parents were really happy to see me and were so surprised I came...but said, "Michael would be smiling from ear to ear if he knew you came"! 
