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I left a voicemail message for our son on his cell phone this afternoon to let him know that we have shipped our grandson's Christmas gifts and to be on the lookout for them.
I did not bring up the option of us coming up and meeting them at a hotel suite after Christmas because if it was an acceptable option, then we would have heard back from him. My husband spoke with him on Friday morning about this option and here it is Monday afternoon and still nothing.
When my husband spoke with our son on Friday, he indicated that he liked the idea of a hotel suite and that he would check with his girlfriend (the baby's mom) as to whether Friday, 12/26 or Saturday, 12/27 would be the better day. Since, he did not call back, it pretty safe to assume that his girlfriend said "no" to both days.
There comes a point in time, where you need to just give up. I'm not going to beg and/or nag about this situation. That will only build resentment. So, I left voicemail message to be on the lookout for the three boxes and to wish them (our son, his girlfriend and our grandson) a Merry Christmas.
It just sounds like all the cards are not on the table here. Maybe the maternal side is selfish, or there are some reasons they dont want to see you. I have a sibling who really only maintains contact with the parents for monetary help. Sorry about your situation.
I think you hit the nail on the head... This girl and her parents are selfish. And unless our son steps up to plate, puts his foot down and says that we, as paternal grandparents, are to be included, then there's not a whole lot we can do about this situation.
I know our son is probably in a tough spot, but he needs to stand up for himself. Sadly, I don't see this couple making it over the long term. This relationship is just too out of balance. There is no give and take going on here... no compromise... it seems like this girl (and her parents) are calling all of the shots and our son is meekly going along with everything.
When our son and his girlfriend were living on their own (they moved in with her parent about 1 month before the baby was born), our son did everything around the house... the cooking, the cleaning, the grocery shopping, etc. The girlfriend would come home from work and do nothing. We did not hear this from our son, mind you. But, from a third party.
Well, the "third" party may STILL NOT know everything that goes on in your son's GF's house. I totally understand your frustrations about not being able to see your grandson, and that you feel that this is ALL because of your son's GF.
However, do realize that you are blaming this ALL on her because your views are biased IN FAVOR of your son. You need to stop blaming the GF for being able to have "full domination" of YOUR quality time w/ your grandson. Your son is YOUR SON. Therefore, you need to blame HIM (not HER) for your lack of visitation rights w/ your grandson. As a man, he needs to stand up FOR YOU, and the main reason why his GF gets to have it ALL HER WAY is because YOUR SON LETS her do so.
I totally agree... if you read my previous post...
"And unless our son steps up to plate, puts his foot down and says that we, as paternal grandparents, are to be included, then there's not a whole lot we can do about this situation. I know our son is probably in a tough spot, but he needs to stand up for himself."
and "... our son is meekly going along with everything."
This is not entirely her fault. I do think she is selfish and one-way, but it is our son who allows this to happen. I have never let him off the hook here. They are supposed to be a couple... couples are supposed to compromise, have give and take... If our son is not willing to stand up for for himself or us, then there is nothing we can do about this situation...
I totally agree... if you read my previous post...
"And unless our son steps up to plate, puts his foot down and says that we, as paternal grandparents, are to be included, then there's not a whole lot we can do about this situation. I know our son is probably in a tough spot, but he needs to stand up for himself."
and "... our son is meekly going along with everything."
This is not entirely her fault. I do think she is selfish and one-way, but it is our son who allows this to happen. I have never let him off the hook here. They are supposed to be a couple... couples are supposed to compromise, have give and take... If our son is not willing to stand up for for himself or us, then there is nothing we can do about this situation...
If that's the case, you could give your son an ultimatum:
NO MORE financial help from your part UNTIL he gives you guys a FULL WEEKEND with the grandson AT YOUR PLACE.
I don't believe in ultimatums. All they end up doing is creating more bad feelings, more tension, etc. No one wants to be threatened and forced into doing something. An ultimatum only creates resentment.
I think the best thing at this point is to step back and hope and pray that our son will come to his senses. That he will realize that what is going on is wrong and that he will stand up for himself and his son.
Right now... I'm not too hopeful. But, who knows, sometime in the future, he may get a backbone...
I don't believe in ultimatums. All they end up doing is creating more bad feelings, more tension, etc. No one wants to be threatened and forced into doing something. An ultimatum only creates resentment.
I think the best thing at this point is to step back and hope and pray that our son will come to his senses. That he will realize that what is going on is wrong and that he will stand up for himself and his son.
Right now... I'm not too hopeful. But, who knows, sometime in the future, he may get a backbone...
Well, all I can say is that your kindness towards your son will more than likely leave YOU in the dark for as long as... God knows when. Your son is still young, in my eyes. Therefore, you NEED to teach him, STILL, that HIS family is just as important as her family to your grandson.
I have witnessed other "boys" in your son's age who do the same -- "let" the wife's side of the family dominate the grandchildren's time, because these "boys" do not want to cause a rift with the inlaws (the woman's folks).
But guess what? He should be MORE concerned about pleasing YOU, not the other folks. If, for some nimrod reason, he gets kicked out of the house, then he can easily move back to your house and fight for child visitation in court. Trust me, no woman in the right mind would want to get hit up with court orders for child's visitation.
I know our grandson won't remember his First Christmas. Although, he may wonder why there are no pictures of him and his paternal grandparents at his First Christmas.
We have a family tradition of setting up the video camera on a tripod and taping the opening of presents at Christmas. Someday, our grandson may enjoy watching his father open his Christmas presents when he was just a young boy.
Once again, our grandson may wonder why we don't have a video tape of him and his father and mother opening Christmas presents during the 2008 Christmas season. My husband and I will still record our Christmas gift opening. But, they'll be nothing for our son or our grandson. Oh, well...
Going forward, we will send a small gift for each special occasion. The rest of the money that would have been spent will be deposited in a savings account for him, that he will have access to when he is an adult.
Also, you never know what going to happen. So, I'm going to contact a lawyer to make certain that if my husband and I both die that our assets will be liquidated and placed in a trust fund for grandson that he will get access to once he turns 30. I just don't want this inconsiderate, selfish girl and her parents to be able to get their hands on any of our assets. I feel bad that we have to bypass our son, but given this situation I am concerned that she and her parents would try to take everything from him should we both die young.
Wow, Im all for planning ahead, but you already have this kids life twenty or thirty years ahead!
I cant recall looking at one picture (as a cognitive, rational adult) of a Christmas of my early childhood and thinking to myself..."Why isnt Grandma and Grandpa there.....uff now Im upset with them" There are reasons that people cannot attend functions (yours happens to suck) and if the little nipper asks you, tell the truth.....
Seems like you are worried about allot of things that are out of your control... Just skip this one and make up for it in the future when the kid needs you most. Oh and P.S tell your boy that he needs to grow a pair...his actions are hurting you and his father! I wouldnt be able to look myself in the mirror if I ever did something that hurt my parents and was easily rectified. .sheesh
Put it behind you....and enjoy the holidays with your husband, go on a cruise!!
I truly hope that things work out in the future...
5
If that's the case, you could give your son an ultimatum:
NO MORE financial help from your part UNTIL he gives you guys a FULL WEEKEND with the grandson AT YOUR PLACE.
I think that would be a fair trade.
I think the problem with that is that would play right into the hands of the girlfriend's parents who seem to want to keep her from growing up, keep her in the house, keep her from starting an adult relationship by living on her own with the father of the baby, and most likely are discouraging her from marrying for the reasons they don't want to let go.
Normal parents would not keep a young couple like this living as irresponsibly as this. They would maybe help them if they moved out and got a place of their own but to just have daughter bring her boyfriend into the house to sleep with her but not be required to financially support her is weird.
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