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I am recently a double majored student at a tier 1 school. My ethnic background is Hispanic (if that would help with this issue) and I was raised in a low socio-economic status environment, basically a ghetto where gangs rule the streets and cops are/were crooked. As well, education is not the first thing on a person's mind.
To continue, I'm an overachiever, I have a full scholarship for 4 years and have had very prestigious fellowships, many of them are national. To sum it up, I'm going somewhere and leaving the hell-hole that I was brought up in. I'm pursuing a career in dentistry, and will be continuing to a top 10 school the following year.
This is my problem: My parents are very conservative mexicans where my mother is the housewife and my father is the only worker. I have one sister and 4 brothers, excluding myself. The environment in this family is "machismo" where the man dominates and the woman follows orders, and also the attitudes are very aggressive, take things seriously, and lack sense of humor.
From all of my siblings, I am the only one that has succeeded in education. I think that my siblings are envious of me for that reason and results in most of them in not talking to me, and usually bad-mouth me behind my back, even sometimes in front of me. I receive no support from my parents nor my siblings in continuing education, and most of the time they degrade my self-esteem by telling me that I will not succeed, although I have proved them wrong many times. Once I prove myself then they turn the other face and insult me by saying that I am over-confident, pompous, etc.
There have been many times that they all let me down, for example, I received a very prestigious opportunity to study medicine in another country for 2 weeks, however there was a fee included. At the end, I didn't get the opportunity to go because my parents "didn't have the money", yet they found money for my mother to go to mexico for a month, interesting . Normally, I get a $100 dollars every now and then, for food, but let's be honest who can survive with a $100 dollars for 2 months? Not if you are eating ramen everyday, but seriously Ramen is very bad for your health. I work hard, I am a responsible person and see myself achieving many things in the future and thus I had two jobs and found myself to conduct oral surgery in 3rd world country, all paid by myself.
My brothers and sister dislike eachother and rarely talk to eachother, or if not they have arguments every month, and don't speak to eachother for another couple of months and come back and try to kiss and make-up. But at the end, they will dislike eachother once again or physical fight with eachother.
Most of my time I stay in my apartment in another city and rarely go home for these reasons, this family is unstable and I luckily moved out of it before it engulfed me with these insignificant but yet extremely emotional problems.
I have tried to be good with all of them, but I've given up hope in trying to change their attitudes amongst themselves or tried to change myself to meet their standards, which are lower than where I am now.
I just wished my family were loving and caring amongst themselves as others I have seen.
I understand there are other less fortunate than myself, and I am grateful for what I was given, but I seriously believe that to be fortunate for what you have should also be vice-versa which I do not see nor feel.
My resolution:
I'm planning to move ahead with my life, and not go back to that city, if my family would like to see me, then I guess they would have to make the effort to travel and see me. Right?
I think if I stay in the city where my family resides, they are going to be constant leaches that will psychologically tear me down as the years progress. Therefore, move on with my life and not look back. Long-distance phone calls are good for me, what do you think? Is this rude, right, cynical, or stupid? Be honest.
You only get one life, and you cant live it for others.
Self preservation is a basic human instinct, so I say do what you must do to make yourself happy first.
Control what you can and dont worry about the uncontrollable, because it will be only you that suffers.
I'm sorry your family is not supportive of you. I come from a very close family that love & support each other no matter what.
They should be happy for you & lifting you up - not tearing you down. You need to do what is best for your peace of mind. I dont think you need to turn your back on them, they are your family. But offering them the invitation to visit would be a good start & put the ball in their court.
Congratulations on your accomplishments and good luck!
I think if I stay in the city where my family resides, they are going to be constant leaches that will psychologically tear me down as the years progress. Therefore, move on with my life and not look back. Long-distance phone calls are good for me, what do you think? Is this rude, right, cynical, or stupid? Be honest.
Leaving town sounds like a good move to me, but you should remain civil and cordial with your family as best as possible. Yes, they may treat you poorly. But I suspect that deep down they probably are jealous of your success and, truth be told, are in awe of your determination to rise above. Don't let them drag you down but don't condescend them, either. Move on with your life but put forth a reasonable effort to be in touch with them; don't give them a legitimate reason to think that you have blown them off.
He or she can turn his or her back on the ungrateful family if he wants to.
Quote:
Originally Posted by professorsenator
Leaving town sounds like a good move to me, but you should remain civil and cordial with your family as best as possible. Yes, they may treat you poorly. But I suspect that deep down they probably are jealous of your success and, truth be told, are in awe of your determination to rise above. Don't let them drag you down but don't condescend them, either. Move on with your life but put forth a reasonable effort to be in touch with them; don't give them a legitimate reason to think that you have blown them off.
Quote:
Originally Posted by moonpieheaven
I'm sorry your family is not supportive of you. I come from a very close family that love & support each other no matter what.
They should be happy for you & lifting you up - not tearing you down. You need to do what is best for your peace of mind. I dont think you need to turn your back on them, they are your family. But offering them the invitation to visit would be a good start & put the ball in their court.
Congratulations on your accomplishments and good luck!
You keep yourself focused and stay away from them. That is what I did. Then slowly, as they saw that I am not a pompous show off and that I have really accomplished something they came around. I still don't talk to my brother, for reasons that I have posted before. But I totally know where you're coming from. We must distance ourselves from "toxic" people. You can continue to love them because they are your family, from afar. Good luck to you and it seems you are on the right track. I am proud of you for your achievements. I, too, come from an extremely disadvantaged, Hispanic family except that I grew up in a single parent home and my father lived in Mexico where he practiced law. Anyway, you are doing the right thing, hang in there, things will get better as you finish your studies and get yourself established.
Last edited by CTR36; 12-22-2008 at 07:43 PM..
Reason: spelling
I don't think you should write off your family. Visit them when you can but don't let them try to hold you back.
That's a common enough problem, some families try desperately to hold onto their kids, in your parents' culture, it's the norm for children to never move out, spouses move in, rooms get added onto the home, grandparents help raise the grandchildren. Cousins often live in the same house.
Their culture and your culture are very different but family is family. Still just make sure you go your own way but time has a way of healing wounds. Very likely your parents are going to be ultra-proud eventually.
You might end up becoming like "Bill" in Mi Familia, that movie with Smits and Olmos. The one who turned out weird to the rest.
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. Normally, I get a $100 dollars every now and then, for food, but let's be honest who can survive with a $100 dollars for 2 months? Not if you are eating ramen everyday, but seriously Ramen is very bad for your health. I work hard, I am a responsible person and see myself achieving many things in the future and thus I had two jobs and found myself to conduct oral surgery in 3rd world country, all paid by myself. 
