I have excellent - amazing news, I have been in a state of disbelief - and my mind flighty and upside down from euphoria this entire past week. I'm going to cut a long story short. What I am about to tell you is why I have been absent in posting as frequently as I normally do.
As some of you may know, as I have mentioned in some threads, I was adopted at 2 days old. My adoptive family was just rotten and I have not had anything to do with them since the beginning of this year. Fast forwarding...
I HAVE FOUND MY BIOLOGICAL FAMILY AND I AM IN CONTACT WITH THEM!!!
I wish I can condense what I have to tell you, I am going to TRY...and I really have tried as much as possible by leaving out idle and random details. I am VERY sorry if your eyes bleed. I have made enough smaller paragraphs for you on purpose. This is probably the longest post I will ever make - and the last of it's size.
Here is the scoop, PLEASE read it, if many of you here didn't mean as much as you do me, I would not have even bothered to spend a lot of time writing it to share with you (and it took forever it seems). But your thoughts are valued and I need some of you to help align my thoughts.
Without getting into boorish detail with you - long story short, I always knew my birth mom's last name...which turned out to be her maiden name...I found my birth mothers obituary with ALL of the info I needed to find my siblings and it all rolled on from there....
The story of how my adoption came about and results after finding my family:
My mom came over -straight off the boat- from Poland with her parents at 13 years old. She was an only child. Her parent's were wealthy. She was a very outgoing and very bubbly young woman, she made many friends and people just loved being around her. People were very attracted to the light that she seemed to emulate. On the "behind closed doors" forefront, my mom was treated terribly by her Mom. Grandma was described as "evil" and malicious - like the sort of Grandma that you read about in VC Andrews books, as they have equated her to. Grandma would often lock her husband, my Grandpa, down in the basement by switching the lock to punish him when he was kind to my mom, or just for kicks when she got angry, which was often. She just did a bunch of horrible things to people. Soon Grandpa said "screw it," and moved all his stuff into the basement and made an apartment down there, entirely fed up with her - figuring he spent more time down there trapped by her - and raised Chihuahua's down there as his favorite past time. Crazy but true. My mom and her dad were close. She loved him very much, and despised her mom.
Before she met my father, she had two kids with two different men:
- Oldest 1/2 sister, 46 y/o.
- Second oldest 1/2 sister, 43 y/o.
Then my mom ended up meeting my father - dated him, then married him against my grandma's wishes....my grandpa was deceased at this time now. My father was a raging alcoholic, regularly drank himself into a stupor, beat her, and passed out on his chair with the bottle on the floor - and when he woke up, he drank the rest of what was in the bottle for breakfast. He was very physically and verbally abusive toward my mom.. He ended up in jail a couple times for stealing cars for kicks, he was a wild buck. Basically, my Father was the biggest loser you can imagine, but I guess at that time mom really loved him to stay. My grandma hated my father with a passion, as she did basically everyone else for that matter, but no one ever came close to how she hated my father.
Even though grandma was against it - my mom married my father and they lived with her 2 kids and he had 1 daughter from a prior relationship. Mom then became pregnant with me - I was to be the first child to be born between them. Grandma spat and screamed that I was the devils spawn, a disgusting bastard child and that I needed to be gone because I was of HIS blood. Grandma demanded that I be aborted - - my mom did not believe in abortion ---grandma told my mom that if she did not rid of the child she was carrying that she would eventually kill the demon seed. She promised that she would kill me at the first opportunity when she wasn't looking to rid of Satan's spawn. My oldest 1/2 sister, who was then 9 years old, heard all of this and remembers most of it clearly. She said the fights were just horrible. My 1/2 sister who was only 6 at the time, was too young to remember anything.
My mom gave me up out of fear that I would be killed by her mother. She knew she was an insane, unfeeling and cold enough person to carry it out. My mom did not want to give me up, but heeded grandma's threats seriously.
After mom came home after having me in 1971, she was never the same again. Life had been sucked out of her and she stayed depressed for 35 years. She never went back to being the cheerful, bubbly woman that my 2 older half-sisters knew her to be. My oldest half-sister knew why.
Then grandma died in 1972. One year later!!!
Then my brother was born in 1973. Sister born in 1975. My youngest sister born in 1976. Same father, my parents were still married. Only this time, no grandma around to threaten to take their lives. Total full-blood siblings, 3 plus me (my being the oldest full-blood) - and 2 half sisters. After my youngest sister was born, my mom and my father divorced - she just couldn't take his antics and BS anymore.
I have been in contact with my siblings, daily now. 3 days after I had their names - we were on the phone. I did not sleep for 3 days, jacked myself up on Monster Drinks, to achieve this.I was determined, SO close!!!! One knew I was out here for certain - and the rest of the siblings thought she was BS'ing about it when she told them during the teenage years, now know she was telling the truth. Mom never spoke of it after she came home. They are all FLOORED that I look near identical to our mom. (*I* am floored that I do!!! I never looked like anyone before ever!!! Having lived my whole life with family that looks NOTHING like me, this is monumental! )
Our mom died in the beginning of 2007. Our father died 7 months later. Yes, I am quite distubed knowing why she gave me up and I missed her by 1 year and 10 months to let her know I am finally back.
I never knew she was affected for so long, I would have never even guessed - in my mind, I was forgotten, so I thought. I knew that they were married when they gave me up and already had kids --and for years and years I was angered...not knowing if I just wasn't good enough for them or what. I always wanted to know WHY but was so angered and felt soooo neglected/rejected. The Lawyer told my adoptive parents it was financial reasons - well, of course my real parents are not going to go in and say, "well, if we don't give her up, her grandma is going to kill her." They had enough money, 3 kids came right after me after grandma died. My mom gave me up to save my life. I cannot express how overwhelming that is. I just couldn't fathom it if I weren't in my own shoes to experience it myself.
2 of my real sisters (who are 33 and 32 y/o) are coming here with my nieces and nephews for Christmas to spend it with my son and I! My original birth certificate has already been pulled with my siblings help from Vital Statitics and it is soon on its way to me. Vital Statisics said it is now up to me if I wish to petition the courts to null and void out the entire adoption as if it never happened and take back my birth name and original birth certificate - especially now that I am "divorced" from my adoptive parents and brother. I have some big decisions to make.
I may need therapy to straighten all this out in my head, no doubt about it. This is the biggest mind-screw of my life. I am ecstatic - I have my real family - and my sisters and I are on the phone almost constantly, they're just awesome and we are so eerily alike in personality and have so much in common. I am half depressed and miserable because I cannot meet my real mom now that she is gone. There is no one that I want to see more badly than her right now. What she must have gone through. The guilt I feel for the anger and resentment I have felt toward her since I was 8 years old when I found out I was adopted---and now knowing the truth. Countless tears I have cried over the past few days. This is like something you see in some novel - I mean, OH MY GOSH, my grandma wanted me, the "devils spawn" dead! That is A LOT for me to chew. A lot. I pinch myself hourly to see if I am really sleeping some dream. I just have so much to process.
I never thought there would be so much emotional processing that would come with this. If my mom were still alive and I could just talk to her, maybe it would not feel as complex as it does. I have SO much to say to her. But my gosh, it's the holiday season, what a GREAT UNEXPECTED GIFT this is! I have no complaints when I know that there are oodles of adoptees that wish they could get some answers themselves. So yes, you bet, I am damn grateful and feel blessed. I now know all of my medical background in the family, my real siblings, what went on during the pregnancy with me and why I was put up for adoption, I know what my parents, siblings, nieces, and nephews look like....and am soon meeting and spendig time with them all. One sister is expecting a baby in 2 weeks, another is getting married in the Spring....none of them live here in FL....but I found them. We're back together. They are just as VERY MUCH excited and happy as I am!
I have uploaded a picture collage of me, my real mom and my two younger sisters in my picture gallery for you to see. I look SO much like my real mom, isn't it just a
WOW?
This is going to be an AWESOME Christmas! My son and I are SO elated! I was SO blown away to find out I had 3 younger siblings when I was only told about the older ones. Well, duh, of course, I couldn't have known about the younger ones, I was adopted out - I know!
WOW WOW WOW.
So...isn't this just freaking-weirdie-amazing COOL or what????
Your thoughts!
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My ex did the samething when he was in his 30's. He and his sister were adopted by a preacher and his wife when he was 4 years old as his mum was an alcoholic. They were brutal to him for some reason, but good to his sister, even going as far as starving him and locking him in closets. He eventually reverted to his birth name.
