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I have never and will never be social outside of office hours with those I work with. It is not good business and can get downright stupid with office gossip. I would get it in writing why exactly you were not a good fit after so many years at the same position. Not being a good "fit" is pretty broad and with no reprimands (according to you) there has to be some reason you were fired outside of "not a good fit".
Even though this is an old thread, it can be a common problem. I know that when I retired I was very surprised how quickly my social calendar emptied to almost nothing. Some of the people I had known and worked with for 25 years, ate lunch with several times a week in addition to socializing with after work, and it was like they disappeared off the face of the earth. Yes, it was a big surprise to me.
As I mentioned on another board I have just found this board because I have so much time on my hands due to having been fired from my last job. My boss said I was not a good fit even though I never received any warning and I had been at that employer for eight years.
Now all my old friends from my job no longer talk to me and when they see me in public they act all strange and cold. These were people who came to my home, had lunch with me a few days a week, and were in work related sports leagues.
Now that I am unemployed, they will not have anything to do with me. I thought we were friends.
I would enjoy hearing from others who have lost their jobs and their new relationship with their old workplace friends.
Yes. Work Friends is a huge oxymoron. No such thing.
I have a term for this... I call it "situational friendship". I mostly associate it with work friends.
I've learned that the only way to know if they are true friendships is after that "situation" ends. I'm notorious for not maintaining friendships post-situation. So I'm an example not of the OP, but the other person. So, given that...
I absolutely can say it's not because the person who left wasn't worth it or that anything was faked (i.e., sucking up due to their role or anything -- historically I'm the person at work with far more influence in these past friendships). I just stop responding over time. It's like I only have so much bandwidth and I was also going thru a decade where I wasn't into it due to other stuff in my life going on -- a phase I was going through that did not discriminate. Just in the last several years I've re-started some of those very friendships since I was the one who faded out, and it's been awesome.
I believe these situational/work friendships serve a different need than non-work relationships and typically center on the one common bond: our jobs. Built-in common interest and we need friendships at work which help us bond, vent, whatever. When that situation ends, it's sometimes a natural thing for that relationship to fade as well. I don't expect all of my work friendships to develop into deeper life friendships, but it's nice when they end up that way. It's almost like an organism that's meant to develop into something greater, or it was simply meant to serve its original purpose.
I've never considered workplace friends to be my real friends. I would classify them more as just acquaintances or professional contacts, but not close friends. Once I am clocked out, I head home to my real social circle.
Totally agree. Work stays work. Coworkers are coworkers, not friends.
I have one person from work that I am in contact with, becuase we were sort of the oddballs, but she retired years ago and our contacts were more after she retired (notes, cards, dinner every so often). We didnt do this while we were working...well ok postcards....but not the dinners and such.
An old thread, but re: the OP, sounds like there were some ugly politics going on there. The person or people who orchestrated your ouster are probably looking for the next target and the "friends" are probably afraid of being the next one.
In general, I have former co-workers among my close friends. But I don't truly consider any current co-workers to be my friends. We can be friendly, we can help each other and socialize. But if it comes to a choice between work and the friendship, most people are going to choose work. I've even experienced/seen a few use private information they've gained as friends against the person at work. As a result, I've learned to be very selective about what I share with work "friends". Once one of us has moved on, then we can have a true friendship. Up 'til then, it's a friendly acquaintance.
Get a lawyer. This is illegal...at least where I live. The only sackable offence is not being able to do your job (short of doing something illegal yourself) and even then the employer is required to retrain and give warnings etc. The fact that you were there so long proves you can do your job. I'd lawyer up...this is horrific.
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This is not the case in most of the USA, you can be fired for whatever reason or no reason at all, as long as you cant prove its discriminatory in nature.
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