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I know the same old story- a northerner who can't take the winters anymore, the limited time out of the year that you can be outside with nature, and is sick of the chaos and aggressive driving in the NYC area (CT) is thinking of moving south. I would really love some advice tho- even tho I know some southerners are begging us northerners to stop filling up the southern states with transplants.
I've lived in FL and TX in my life. I keep trying to move south- but then moved back to CT twice for work. Starting a brand new business was too hard in the past- and I couldn't figure out previously how to get my current business to work with living far away. I'm a business owner (photographer) and have a very established business in CT- so it feels impossible to leave- especially with what a difficult industry it is to break into. Already having a very established reputation- I'm scared to lose that. However- we think we may finally have a plan.
We've basically accepted we need to live in CT due to work- but are trying to see if we have any way out. We've done a lot of talking and are considering setting up the business (which is a very very very seasonal business- we do 80% of all of our income in the fall) to make it even more seasonal and concentrated, move to one of the Carolinas, and spend 2 months in the north in the fall running our business each year- while growing a second photography business in our new home state. Because we are future homeschoolers (I know- this is not for everyone- but it's something we've known is right for us since we met 9 years ago) we have a flexibility with our schedule.
Pros:
-We'd be much happier- as both suffer some seasonal affective disorder.
-We like the idea of raising our kids outside of the rat race of the tri-state area in CT. We prefer the more family oriented vibe of the south and midwest.
-Cost of living is much much much lower than it is in CT.
Cons:
-Farther from family. Our family is open to traveling a lot- and we are too since the drive isn't too bad- but it is a bit sad.
-The complicated part of running two businesses in two different states.
-It might be stressful to travel back and forth for family events and work.
-Based on what we've assessed from a financial perspective- our income would take about a 20% hit. With that said- houses are about half the price of what they are in the very expensive part of CT that we live in (Fairfield County- where a 1500 3 bedroom house can often sell for 500k +).
Here are my main questions:
1. Those of you northerners who have moved south- how do you feel about it? Regrets? If you're further from family now- do you miss them? Is it not worth the division from family?
2. We love the warmth of SC- but the more liberal-oriented state of NC. We will be a mixed race family (due to our African adoption) and my husband transitioned from female to male 5 years ago. He seems male by ALL accounts- you would never know he wasn't born that way unless you saw his baby photos- and many people in our life have no idea unless we've told them- so we could "hide" this but we typically are people who like to not feel like we're keeping "secrets". It rarely comes up in conversation unless we're making true long term friends- but we also don't want to necessarily feel like we're hiding a secret. Would NC be warm enough for us? Would SC be way too conservative?
3. Lastly- we are looking to live in the country vs. suburbs but would like to be within 45 minutes or so of either a. a metro area where we could build a second business (we are hesitant about Raleigh due to the high concentration of photographers- even tho I love the triangle area) or b. a vacation destination (where we could attract vacationers). Any areas you would focus on?
If you made it this far- thank you so much! I know it's a lot to post and take in
2. We love the warmth of SC- but the more liberal-oriented state of NC. We will be a mixed race family (due to our African adoption) and my husband transitioned from female to male 5 years ago. He seems male by ALL accounts- you would never know he wasn't born that way unless you saw his baby photos- and many people in our life have no idea unless we've told them- so we could "hide" this but we typically are people who like to not feel like we're keeping "secrets". It rarely comes up in conversation unless we're making true long term friends- but we also don't want to necessarily feel like we're hiding a secret. Would NC be warm enough for us? Would SC be way too conservative?
Nearly everyone suggested North Carolina would be more accepting, as opposed to Columbia SC. However, if you want to try South Carolina, I'd suggest sticking with Myrtle Beach or Charleston. I'd stay away from the rural areas of SC.
I don't know much about the modern photography business. However, I suggest sticky with affluent suburbs rather than the country. For example, places where people spend lots of money on high-school and wedding pictures. Perhaps the Charlotte suburbs would work for you.
PS: I spent many years in Connecticut, and I miss my family. However, I could never go back, between the cost of living and the weather. North Carolina is far from perfect, but it is not bad.
Thanks for the thoughtful post- and no I did not check out that thread- thanks for the tip off- I will! Great advice you gave me. I do think you're right that sticking close to one of the more urban/suburban areas (triangle, charlotte, etc.) would be better for business- I'm wondering if we were willing to do a 45 minute commute- if that would get us in the country enough that we could have the best of both worlds. We are used to being in the car for long hours right now- and schedule around it (for instance try to work from home 4 days a week- and only on the road 1 day a week) so we don't mind a bit of a drive.
Great to hear your feedback about if you miss CT. Those are our two main reasons for evening considering the new- the weather and cost of living. I don't think people who haven't lived in the NYC metro area understand what a big deal that can be for some people in terms of quality of life- i.e.: money anxiety, depression, etc.
I'm wondering if we were willing to do a 45 minute commute- if that would get us in the country enough that we could have the best of both worlds.
Yes, if you were to be 45 minutes outside of Chapel Hill, you would be in the country. I am thinking of Chatham County or Orange County. I don't think your mixed race family would be much of an issue there.
I know less about the Charlotte area and its suburbs. Charlotte would have better airline connection to travel back to the NYC metro.
The Triangle are does have snow, but it doesn't happen every year. This year has been especially bad for cold and snow.
Thanks! Great feedback and I will definitely look into that area. That sounds perfect for us. Yes I understand I think that NC isn't exactly warm year round- but this year has been one of the worst! We'll take anything at this point over Connecticut.
Another thing we're considering is just settling down in CT and renting in the South January, February, and March each year- Florida or something.
So much to decide on! Wish someone could make the tough life decisions for me sometimes!
I think Chapel Hill would be totally open to your family, but I think your business opportunities are going to be better closer to Raleigh. Chapel Hill has really regulated growth and has not and is not experiencing the growth that Wake county is and will continue to for the foreseeable future. I think, that although, there may be a lot of other photographers in the Wake County area there are so many new people coming to the area that it wouldn't be too hard to hang out your shingle.
You can find country living not too far away. Durham County could work well for you, too. Stick closer toward the west side of the Triangle. I think east and south of Raleigh is a little more conservative, but it might work out okay, too.
BTW, weather is not that different between SC and NC usually. Occasionally it can be, but if you look up the averages NC is maybe 1 or 2 degrees cooler in the same geographic region. (Obviously the mountains are going to be cooler than the coast most days.)
Thanks! Great feedback and I will definitely look into that area. That sounds perfect for us. Yes I understand I think that NC isn't exactly warm year round- but this year has been one of the worst! We'll take anything at this point over Connecticut.
Another thing we're considering is just settling down in CT and renting in the South January, February, and March each year- Florida or something.
So much to decide on! Wish someone could make the tough life decisions for me sometimes!
This would be my suggestion based on the following things:
1.Sounds like your business thrives in CT; and there's no guarantee it would do the same here. Sure a house is cheaper in general NC than in CT; but you still need a good income to own a house here (or anywhere)
2. The place that jumps out as what you are looking for culturally/ascetically/politically is Chapel Hill/Carrboro, NC...which is much more expensive than the rest of the state and thus your savings in home prices would be a wash.
3. Sounds like winter weather is what is bothering you the most and with you homeschooling your child; the "snowbird" life would actually work for you. You kind of get the best of both worlds. Being near your family, friends, and business for the time of year in CT when the weather is nice/tolerable but getting away from it in the nasty part of the year. You also avoid June-September in NC which can be pretty rough on the opposite end of the spectrum with summer here not being particularly pleasant. I would suggest heading further south to Florida for the snowbird life though as you've noted; most of NC still gets winter.
Location: Chapel Hill, NC, formerly NoVA and Phila
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Somewhere near Hillsborough or elsewhere in Orange County would probably work for you. Somewhat rural but more progressive/liberal than other rural areas in the state. And honestly, you don't need to go 45 minutes outside Chapel Hill to find rural - 5 minutes outside it and it's rural.
Having said that, holding a house here and in Connecticut would be quite expensive unless you have a short-term low-cost solution for living in CT for 2 months a year.
Your idea of snow-birding in Florida is a interesting one and one I would love to do. The winters there are great, and you get the fall, spring, and summer up north. The problem may be that renting in the high season in Florida (Dec-March) can be cost prohibitive. But if you can find a place that's reasonable, it may solve all of your problems like missing family up north, hot summers in the south, having to start up a business in a new place, etc. Of course, finding that place that's also accepting of your family might prove difficult outside of the more populated cities.
Your idea of snow-birding in Florida is a interesting one and one I would love to do. The winters there are great, and you get the fall, spring, and summer up north. The problem may be that renting in the high season in Florida (Dec-March) can be cost prohibitive. But if you can find a place that's reasonable, it may solve all of your problems like missing family up north, hot summers in the south, having to start up a business in a new place, etc. Of course, finding that place that's also accepting of your family might prove difficult outside of the more populated cities.
I also think the snow-bird option is a good one. One of my northern relatives owns a condo in Florida which she bougtht at the bottom of the market. Another couple drives their RV from New England to Florida, spends 3 months in Florida, and returns in the spring.
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Great advice you gave me. I do think you're right that sticking close to one of the more urban/suburban areas (triangle, charlotte, etc.) would be better for business- I'm wondering if we were willing to do a 45 minute commute- if that would get us in the country enough that we could have the best of both worlds. We are used to being in the car for long hours right now- and schedule around it (for instance try to work from home 4 days a week- and only on the road 1 day a week) so we don't mind a bit of a drive.
