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I prefer Ma'am and Sir to You Guys since the root word of guys means a person of grotesque appearance. I find you guys or guys a disrespectful way to address a person but it doesn't seem to stop almost every wait staff in the area from using it more and more. So I eat out less and less. I am not going to pay a tip to a person that calls me grotesque more than once. I will politely give the tip the first time I eat at a place but if I or my husband is called guys it will be our last time eating there.
The even earlier use of "guy" was a "rope or chain." It's been used to refer to people for almost 200 years though. And it is American in origin.
Of course "ma'am" is a contraction of madame, and we all know the connotations of that.
Of course "ma'am" is a contraction of madame, and we all know the connotations of that.
It's from "madam" which is from French for "Mrs." or an older lady (respectful term), not that kind of Madam (which is a noun, not a salutation).
You're just not going to give up your thesis that somehow calling someone Sir or Madam, in the South no less, is akin to spitting in their face, I guess.
It's from "madam" which is from French for "Mrs." or an older lady (respectful term), not that kind of Madam (which is a noun, not a salutation).
You're just not going to give up your thesis that somehow calling someone Sir or Madam, in the South no less, is akin to spitting in their face, I guess.
Of course there's no mistaking ma'am for the use of madam in the context I mentioned. Just as there's no mistaking "guy" for a "grotesque person" as ncn was saying.
My thesis is not that ma'am is a slap in the face. Just that it is a regional anachronism that can be offensive outside of the South and in more urban areas. And that it doesnt make someone more polite for using it. Please and thank you are universal; ma'am is not. In a time when people move around a lot, it's best to drop some of the regional quirks that have different meanings in different regions.
First names. Always. Only use mr. or ms. (Never mrs.) in a cold email or call.
What terrible advice. If anyone addresses me as ms., I would quickly correct them and let them know it's Mrs. Why in the world wouldn't you use the proper salutation? Only if your 4 and in preschool is it appropriate to refer to people with a blanket "ms."
And i would never assume to call someone with their first name nor want to be called by my first name unless we are peers. I've never had someone in customer support call me by my first name.
And I certainly say sir and ma'm when addressing those older than me. And I wasn't raised in the south.
Where exactly are you getting your etiquette information?
What terrible advice. If anyone addresses me as ms., I would quickly correct them and let them know it's Mrs. Why in the world wouldn't you use the proper salutation? Only if your 4 and in preschool is it appropriate to refer to people with a blanket "ms."
And i would never assume to call someone with their first name nor want to be called by my first name unless we are peers. I've never had someone in customer support call me by my first name.
And I certainly say sir and ma'm when addressing those older than me. And I wasn't raised in the south.
Where exactly are you getting your etiquette information?
15 years in marketing and communications. Mrs. is outdated and potentially offensive. You marital status is no one's business but your own. Now if you were to ask to be called mrs., that is a different story. Calling bosses and coworkers mr. Or ms. Such and such is important at a first meeting but after a first meeting isn't really done. It detracts from a collegial environment.
Now there may be some different rules in more rarefied environments or in oler institutions but 95 percent of the time first names are used. Customer support is a different animal but even there first names are becoming more common. If I had a boss that expected to be addressed as mr. Such and such, I would be looking for a new job. It just does not reflect well on that person's priorities and sense of teamwork.
Use of first names - My husband and I are in our 60's. We recently dined at an "nice" restaurant where the hostess asked us our names when we walked in the door. The (young) wait staff called us by our first names the rest of the evening. I guess the restaurant saw it as making the evening a more personal experience. I found it presumptuous, and while not exactly disrespectful, I felt that the practice was lacking in respect. Although we enjoyed the food, we are less likely to return because of the overall experience.
As to the use of you guys, especially in restaurants, it is one of my biggest pet peeves. I will usually tell the wait person politely that I am not a "guy." It's almost funny to see that person automatically start to say "you guys" and catch themselves the rest of the meal. It is so ingrained in many young people. Ugh.
As for the original question - I was brought up (in NC) to use Sir and Ma'am, like using them, and believe them to be terms of respect.
Use of first names - My husband and I are in our 60's. We recently dined at an "nice" restaurant where the hostess asked us our names when we walked in the door. The (young) wait staff called us by our first names the rest of the evening. I guess the restaurant saw it as making the evening a more personal experience. I found it presumptuous, and while not exactly disrespectful, I felt that the practice was lacking in respect. Although we enjoyed the food, we are less likely to return because of the overall experience.
I completely agree. The desk people at my gym do the same thing (though they see my name on my membership card) and call me by my first name, despite being half my age. I find it very distasteful. If they don't want to call me "Mr ___", they can just say "Have a good workout" and not use any "name" at all (which is what I tend to do I general so as to avoid worrying about exactly how to address someone unless I am getting their attention). When I managed a retail (book)store in my early 30s, we called our customers Mr__ and Ms/Mrs___ until we knew them well enough from being a super-regular customer to use first names.
I was born and raised in the RDU area. I never really used "sir" and "ma'am". I started working in Harnett County nearly two years ago in a setting with elderly people. My use of "sir" and "ma'am" has increased exponentially. It is still used VERY frequently there, and many elderly refer to me as "ma'am" as well.
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