Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I totally agree with LovesMountains. If my daughter was so adamant about keeping her friends and not moving - I wouldn't go at this time either.
We would have moved long ago if our kids had wanted to but they didn't. We now have one at home and he's adamant about NOT moving so we're staying put until he graduates in 4 years.....I guess the fear of negative consequences by uprooting him from a good friend base, great school at 14 overrides our need to move to warmer temps.....but we kid with him that at his graduation ceremony mom and dad will have a U Haul in the parking loaded up and heading south!
Hi, We are going through the same situation, we are moving from Penn. to NC. Our daughter is 13 and was all for the move when we were there in the summer but now as the time gets closer to leave she gets more reluctant, but still wants the move. The age difference is a factor. My advice would be ...take a month or two over the summer and let you daughter meet some teens her age in the area your moving, it will make a world of difference.
AS the mom of an 18 y/o college freshman who has no intention of coming with us when we move, I couldn't agree more.
It's only 2 more years; let her stay where she is and stay on the right track if you can afford to stay where you are. These last few years with your kids are entirely to precious to jeopardize her stability...unless you have no other option.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
Since you did ask for opinions here is mine - don't move. If you have a 16 year old who has a stable friend base, makes good grades and is not a problem child, you risk turning all that around by moving now. It's one thing if a kid that age WANTS to move, it's a whole other thing when you have to force them to. You have no idea the can of worms you could be opening.
Since you say she will be on her own once she turns 18 anyway I'm assuming you mean she won't be living with you then, no matter where you live. So don't you see this is your last few precious years you will have with her under your roof? Do you want those last two years to be angry, depressed years? Is moving that important to you? If you can't get her onboard with the idea you will have nothing but an uphill battle to climb. It could change the whole dynamic of your relationship.
Sorry to not be more encouraging, but this is a very serious decision and I really hope you make the right one for your family.
Parent's,
It is up to you to decide what is best for your family. Children must learn that many thing's in a life time changes. They need to learn to cope and deal with this, if not future thing's they cannot change in their lives will only be much harder to accept. CATHY
Sorry, IMO a move that isn't precipatated by a family emergency/job relocation is not a reason to uproot your kids. The teen years are far tougher than anything any of us met "back in the day" and as one poster said, it is a gamble. I know people who did it and all was fine and others that did it and their kids "crashed".....but who knows in advance? All the sunshine and low taxes in the world couldn't get me over THAT guilt...we're content with moving in 4 years but this is a very difficult decision and is the very reason I tell my older kids "Settle in a place you're happy with before the kids arrive.!!!!!"
We uprooted our daughter in the middle of her sophomore year...hubby had a better job offer but we were willing to forgo that until the daughter decided to start skipping school and lying to us.
We moved to take her away from that influence...yes, she hated us but you know something? She got OVER IT and discovered new friends. She is also far more resilient than her full sister who never moved from her mom's area.
She complained on one move that she did not want to move and pouted about it for days. Tried to make the trip to our new location a living hell til I told her she was going to move whether SHE wanted to or not...HER option was to either move with us or MOVE back to her mom. She stayed with us.
After she finally did move out (after high school) she did eventually move back to the area where her mom was...but only because her grandfather was dying and jobs HERE were few and far between for her.
Had the subject come up again and we had to move while she was still in school, we would have done a pros/cons list.
Moving in the middle of your high school years is NOT always a con. Sometimes good can come of it.
Being a parent sometimes means you make unpopular choices for your kids but the best one for your family as a whole. Liz
I moved my children from one state to another.The younger of the 2,did well.The older boy,never did make friends and flourish.It was tough on him. He was 16. He lost out on those important last yrs with his friends.Graduation was lonely for him. He joined the military 2 days after graduating. Never went to college. If you can wait, do it.
Location: Monterey Bay, California -- watching the sea lions, whales and otters! :D
1,918 posts, read 6,783,209 times
Reputation: 2708
I think it depends on the kid. Just because a child puts up a fuss, doesn't mean they can't do it. However, the more adventurous kids will be open to a new move. My daughter was 6 when I moved her across the country -- I thought it would be very hard for her, but she loved it! Compared to where we were, she was delighted. And when I asked her about keeping in touch with old friends, she said, "Why -- I live in a whole new place with lots of new friends...." and that was it. She never looked back, and she frequently now tells me how grateful she is that I relocated us from our old town in the northeast winters, to sunny California.
I also think that the more you expose kids to traveling and culture and ethnic variety and interests, the more open they will be to exploring and trying a new place. But to be entrenched in a particular lifestyle without traveling a lot, or seeing that there are other worlds out there, can make it difficult. It's hard as a kid to realize that the whole world does not center around them and their school.
Once my daughter came back from a semester abroad, she has never felt the same about her high school friends, and now she is very much looking forward to attending college and meeting kids from all over.
If you can travel ahead of time to explore the area, rent videos about the area, and just expose the children to all the amazing variety life has to offer, they will most likely be much more open.
Good luck to all here -- raising children is definitely a series of ups and downs!
I can relate to wanting to move and staying put temporarily for the kids. I myself want to eventually move from where I live (South Florida), and move out of this area preferably to NC. I figure that waiting a few more years until high school graduation in 2009 and move in possibly 2010 may be the best choice for several reasons.
- Family; all family members from both sides of the family live in S. Florida.
-Stability- Doing well in school and being involved in HS sports and excelling
at it as well, I feel it will be selfish of me to decide to move now.
-friends- Generally, good friends that are also involved in sports and other
activities.
With all that being stated, if the situation arises that I MUST move do to economic reasons or lost of jobs, or simply just cannot afford it in South FLorida, I will move. However, if I can hang on and wait which is what I am planning to do, I will wait.
Even my kids know that I want out of South Florida and planning to move once they are in college. After all, I need to and want to plan for what I want and where I want to live because in the end, they will make a life for themselves. But for now, I will stay and make the temporary sacrifice of staying put for their sake.
Good luck in your decision.
I realy admire your decision not to move. I just got an offer on my house. I can take it and go! My son is coming home tomorrow from college and he is talking about all these friends he met from our area within 1/2 hour distance. My daughter is talking about her junior prom next year.
I don't mind staying however my main concern is thatalthough we are two hours from New York City and where we live there are no opportunities and is nothing but country. It has built up somewhat however there is no employement opportunieis other than the health field and teaching. My daughter already talks about how she loves the city and if she lived anywhere it would be new york city.
My feeling is that once I decide to stay now I will never leave. I want to be near my daughter and son. I would like to be around to help them once they
start their own families. I felt that once I made the move now my daughter would adjust and hopefully start her life in North Carolina.
I' m hoping there would be much more employment opportunity for them when they finish college with affordable living. Am I fooling myself?
I wonder what kind of employment Charlotte offers to students fresh out of college? Are the Salaries competetive? Is there opportunity for success?
I know it is a big banking city but what else is there?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
don't
