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Old 04-15-2007, 09:49 PM
 
543 posts, read 1,716,480 times
Reputation: 310

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I decided to do an almost 10 month update since I missed my 9 month update. I could have done a 9 month update but it would have been repetetive to my 8 month update so I needed to wait for some new critical information.

Firstly, the update! Still love it here. My first lesson is to not plant tender annuals before the last frost of the season.

As uninteresting as most of it is, it is a rare event that I am in a position to feel inspired to compose such baloney on a school night. Reason for that is that we have relatives over and they are forcing me to drink. Fortunately for me, I was able to get them to eat and now they are tired and watching some chick related tv show that I have no interest in. I'm was able to sneak away by telling my wife I was going on the pc to browse porn. If she knew I was typing stuff on city-data, she'd kill me

I don't have a ton of new stuff but here's the highlights, I'll expand as much as you can take but I'll try and keep it short:

1) I am running for a board position of our hoa.
2) Relatives have been lied to
3) 12 year old girl runs crying from my house
4) I become a visionary

1) This has got to be the bigget headline of all. I have no reason to do it but it seems like the right thing to do. Our development is finally at the 75% occupancy rate which allows us, the homeowners, to run our own HOA. A letter went out last week asking for names for people who would be interested in running for the board. Some stupid drunk a-hole wrote my name in and mailed it in-- I don't know why I did it.

I'm sure every hoa could use an overweight, balding, self righteous, late on my hoa dues, drunken at least once a week member. You know, just to keep things sane and in perspective. There is a possibilty that my name on the ballot list will not be a widely accepted by those that call the police on me weekly but I'm hoping that they can overlook my weekend howling and occasional naked walks through the neighborhood and see that it will be a good balance from those that follow the rules.. I could also be used as an example of what not to do so personally I think it's a perfect fit. My first order of business is that all board member meetings must include pizza and beer for all residents. Meetings will be held at a house drawn randomly from a hat, with 2 hours notice, and children are invited.

Nobody knows me anyway(except for the unnamed peron who has the police on speed dial) so the only chance that I'll have of winning a position is if there is nobody else running. I keep hearing that being a board member is a thankless job with people plauging you all the times with complaints about cc&r violations but I figure it's better than having to watch greys anatomy. I can deal with 'my name is earl' and 'the office' but not greys. I'm going to print up some vote for Pedro shirts and walk around the neighborhood in a bunny suit to attract attention to myself, just til the kids aren't scared of me anymore then I'll change over to dressing as a super hero. I was thinking that a wonder woman costume would be ideal and would help me get the women vote. Just in case any other Rosedale residents are reading this, that is not my half planted bathtub in the front yard with the madonna statue in it. It was there when we got here. The camper, boat and barking dogs are mine. I did however put some considerable effort into cutting up my tire planters to try and hide things some. The weeds will be mowed as soon as I win the fight with my wife that lawn mowing really is her responsiblilty. Vote for Pedro!

2) So the last two weekends in a row we had visitors from MA. We've been blabbing for weeks how it's been so nice out and the kids are swimming and the grass is gowing over knee height already. Seems as soon as their flight lands, a cold front swoops in and you know, it has to be the coldest weekend in the history of Charlotte.

So this weekend another group comes down and yes, kids were swimming again day before they got here and then another cold front with rain, thunder and lightning. It's going to be impossible for me to convince them that these weather extremes are flukes. We've been turning up the heat in the house so it's hot in here and telling em it's unsafe to go outside since it's so hot out and the A/C is working as hard as it can to keep the house at 82 inside. It's been working so far but I'm almost out of rot-gut vodka so I'm gonna have to come up with soemthing else soon.

The whole visitor thing is overrated anyway. After the first night of drinking and listening to the stories that you've heard repeatedly already, it's not as much fun the next day anyway. Usually by the end of day two I'm ready for them to go home. Day 3 is tomorrow for us and it's going to be tough. Gonna have to force myself to drink, ignore the kids, spend $30 for a burger at Fox and the Hound and then show them the lake from the once piece of shoreline where you can see it at. I'm almost better off showing them pictures on the internet of the flashers on I-77 in the summer.

3) So as unfortunate as this was one of our inebriated guests told one of my daughters friends that she was a b***. Everyone is back being good and happy now but it was one of those things that was meant as a joke and taken in the wrong context. So the humurous part of this bad moment of judgement is that have you ever seen a group of 5 12 year old girls all being pissed at the same person at once. I never would have even hinting about thinking to smiling at the time because this was a viscous crowd, one capable of a lifetime of parental guilt. I would have had to drive to abercrombie today if it didn't get cleared up. Glad that one is over with and it was definitely not the norm just ask my parole officer, he thinks I'm a very nice guy.

4) So I was looking at the recycle bin this morning when I was cleaning up after last nights mayhem. I got this brainstorm while emptying lots of half full beer and soda cans before tossing them into the recycle bin. I've decided that I'm going to build a beer can sectional set for our front porch. It makes good sense. Aluminum is lightweight for when the neighbors want to borrow it, is corrosion resistant and it's fairly comfortable for passing out on when I'm watching wrestling. There's also an endless supply of building material available right at the local bi-lo and with any pending water shortages I will be doing my part to make sure that ya'll will have enough water for your lawns. If it works out with the sectional and it becomes popular with our hoa then I may even start a business in my garage making additional items. Of course that means that at some point I'll be hiring to help me empty cans out. Tomorrow I will not be taking applications because that will be the day that I'll be saying that I'll never drink again but maybe on Wednesday or Thursday. There will be some serious qualifications for the beer can emptier position though so unless your resume is strong then I suggest you come to the tryouts first. They'll be at the first HOA board meeting once I get elected. Oh and you will need to bring your own supplies and testimonials that you will not make a 12 year old girl run screaming from my house.

So other than these developments, we still like our move. We did go to Cheeseburger in Paradise one day, got there at 8 am to avoid the long wait. We actually got to park in the parking lot. What is it with that place and why is it so packed all the time anyway?

Good luck to all you considering or in the process of moving and make sure you find out where I live so you don't move near by
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Old 04-16-2007, 05:50 AM
 
Location: SoCA to NC
1,935 posts, read 7,369,936 times
Reputation: 1321
Once again laughed until I cried! Thanks for making my day start out with a smile
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Old 04-16-2007, 06:02 AM
 
889 posts, read 2,962,983 times
Reputation: 362
Another entertaining post Mark. I ALWAYS enjoy them!!!!Totally get what you mean with out of town guests. Got another group comming in at the end of the month and we will once again play tourist as much as we can even though we some how are expected to work during the week as well
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Old 04-16-2007, 06:33 AM
 
Location: Cornelius
2,314 posts, read 2,387,254 times
Reputation: 287
Funny, You should just drink 24x7 then that way you will never have that I'll never drink again syndrome.
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Old 04-17-2007, 08:48 AM
 
543 posts, read 1,716,480 times
Reputation: 310
Quote:
Originally Posted by CharlotteAgent View Post
Funny, You should just drink 24x7 then that way you will never have that I'll never drink again syndrome.
I don't think my body or wallet can take the abuse
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Old 04-17-2007, 10:15 AM
 
Location: Edison, NJ
46 posts, read 237,132 times
Reputation: 21
As my mother-in-law says... "Guests are like fish... after 3 days, they begin to stink".

Rather have you on our HOA than some of the pompous elite which are on ours.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Markh View Post
I2) So the last two weekends in a row we had visitors from MA.

The whole visitor thing is overrated anyway. After the first night of drinking and listening to the stories that you've heard repeatedly already, it's not as much fun the next day anyway. Usually by the end of day two I'm ready for them to go home. Day 3 is tomorrow for us and it's going to be tough. Gonna have to force myself to drink, ignore the kids, spend $30 for a burger at Fox and the Hound and then show them the lake from the once piece of shoreline where you can see it at. I'm almost better off showing them pictures on the internet of the flashers on I-77 in the summer.

Last edited by jrogers345; 04-17-2007 at 10:17 AM.. Reason: add
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Old 04-17-2007, 01:01 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
3,361 posts, read 9,376,659 times
Reputation: 1944
Quote:
Originally Posted by Markh View Post
I'm was able to sneak away by telling my wife I was going on the pc to browse porn. If she knew I was typing stuff on city-data, she'd kill me




That is one of the funniest lines I have read on here for a while.
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Old 04-18-2007, 12:48 PM
 
26 posts, read 108,766 times
Reputation: 20
You are Hillarious. I'd vote for you everyday of the week and twice on sundays.
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Old 04-18-2007, 02:32 PM
 
Location: Sunny Phoenix Arizona...wishing for a beach.
4,299 posts, read 14,185,037 times
Reputation: 811
I'll be living in Centennial but I'll vote for you.
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Old 04-19-2007, 02:26 PM
 
543 posts, read 1,716,480 times
Reputation: 310
Aww, thanks for the support..

I didn't get elected to the board

To make a long story short, there were a couple of other candidates that did thier homework and went door to door and did some campaining and got a bunch of proxy votes. We only had about 40 voting members show up but some candidates had as many as 50 votes. One candidate had a prepared statement that was mailed with our hoa newsletter a few days before the election. Kind of an unfair advantage that they were able to do that and it wasn't offered to all the candidates. Made it seem like it was an inside job if you ask me. But I'm not bitter and I did only lose by 3 votes though so maybe next year
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