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If what you say about the boys mother is true - he has no business being with her. I hope your husband has exhausted every avenue over the years to get custody of his son.
I am not trying to attack your husband - hopefully he is very involved in his sons life. It sounds to me like this boy has some serious issues and likely needs his father to be around both financially and emotionally.
By getting involved in the manipulation games with the ex the DS is the one caught up in the middle.
How about talking to the son and letting him know that if he graduates high school you guys will still be there to support him as he gets going in life?
I guess any monetary support wouldn't be going through mom at that point but my guess is that thinking dad will leave him financially stranded isn't very motivating (if he passes support ends, if he fail support ends). I get that you are mad at the ex but your focus needs to be on the helping the son if the goal is to see him graduate.
Either way, this kid needs more than money. I get that your husband is in the military and we are grateful for his service. Unfortunately there are often casualties at home when men leave their families to serve their country. Don't underestimate how hard that has been on his son. No, it's not an excuse to fail in life....we all have to learn to live despite hard circumstances but it sounds like he needs more than monetary support at this time. He needs a dad, a life coach, someone to help him see past his immediate circumstances and start making a plan for his future, setting goals and working hard to get there. Having his dad gone for so long at a time when he still needed guidance...well, there may be a lot of ground to make up now and you guys need to decide if you are going to help him turn the corner. Of course he has to be willing to do the work, I'm not suggesting you 'help' him by just giving him money as he flounders along...I hope that is clear.
It's just sad, despite what appears to be manipulation on the bio-mom's part, that the young man in question is the one who is going to suffer most from failure in life, regardless of who influenced it and who didn't, etc. etc.
The facts are . . . money is an issue . . . but the child at the center of his drama is the one suffering the consequences brought about by adult decisions/behavior. This kid is being used by his mother and needs an anchor. As stepmom, why don't you consider offering to have him move in with you as soon as he turns 18 - and finish up school . . . and then work with him to get into a community college in your area.
No court can tell him he has to stay with his mom once he turns 18 and it sounds like he needs a stable home, wh/ you could provide. That ends the child support discussion and assures that this boy has a chance in life.
I have raised step-children so I am not recommending something I haven't done myself.
Sometimes the support even goes through college. Get the kid a tutor who makes the learning fun. Have you considered that maybe he has a learning disability the English area? This can happen in any of the academic areas.
my daughter is 18 and i just got arrested for contempted she has not been in school since 14 and her and mother are hooked on cocaine what can i do to stop the support i hav a wife and 3 kids to also take care of i try to guide her but she is long out of reach at this time she says every time my wife pays to get me out its just a big party for her and her mom
ummm, call the child support office, ask them to set up a hearing to stop support. You will still be responsible for the arrears. You should have filed for a hearing before your daughter turned 18 to take effect when she turned 18. Support payments paid through the state can only be stopped through a court order. It is the parent's responsibility to request a hearing.
It is in the standard child support order. The funny thing is, in their (my husband and his ex-wife) legal separation, they had agreed upon a set child support amount until my stepson turned 18. At the time they agreed upon it, both parties signed, it got filed at the county courthouse, based on his earnings(at that time) my husband had agreed to pay above what would have been the state guidelines so the ex-wife was fine with that. (Gold digger type personality) They divorced in 2000, so by last year, when my husband had gone back on active duty and was in Iraq for the third time in 4 years, he had gained some rank and his current earnings put their agreed upon amount under the state guidelines. So my stepson turned 17, his mom realized her child support was about to end so she ignored their separation agreement and filed for CS through the court system. She realized that she would get more through the state now and thought they would base the order on his deployed income. Since soldiers can't receive any civil court actions (divorce, child support, etc.) while they are deployed, they didn't serve him until he got back from Iraq. He went to one lawyer in the county we lived in who told him that since they had a legal separation agreement areement, the judge would only order him to pay what he had been paying. He went to a lawyer in the county the CS motion was filed and was told that since their sparation agreement was not notarized, it was considered null and void, so even though he had been paying the amount they had agreed on for years, if he took it to court the judge could say he owed back CS. So he agreed to the standard court order thinking that he only had about 8 months of increased CS anyway. The standard CS agreements now read that " If the child is still in primary or secondary school when he or she reaches the age of 18, support payments will continue until that child graduates, ceases to attend school on a regular basis, fails to make satisfactory academic progress towards graduation or reaches the age of 20 - whichever of these comes first. "
So again, I'm wondering if failing English 3 three times is considered failing to make satisfactory academic progress.
Now, AS SOON AS, the ex-wife got the increased child support order, she went out and bought a new Lexus. That, along with the fact that she waited until my stepson was 17 to file through the state, and up until last year when she filed, he was considered an academically gifted child and now the only class he is failing is the one he NEEDS in order to graduate, has me thinking she is encouraging him to fail to extend her CS.
I don't know what county you live in (we live in Wake), but we have a great attorney if you need one. I would think that DOES count as failing to make academic progress. I'd be shocked to learn that the mother was actually pressuring the kid to fail....but (sadly, in my own experience), crazier things have happened.
Does this formerly AG kids realize that he's not college bound? From what I've learned at the high school, the curriculum for college bound kids is quite rigorous and even 2-year college bound kids can't fail English repeatedly.
I would call a lawyer and spent the money on an initial meeting to find out. It will all be over, one way or another, soon....but it's always better to know your legal position, IMO.
All he would have to do is go to college. Flunking every class isn't the answer, so I think the boy may have some things going on that no one is looking into. This isn't a good sign, and should be a wake up call to everyone that he's going through some sort of stress, or is doing something he shouldn't. If he's flunking so his mother can get child support, then she's not encouraging him to go to college...which is all that would be needed in order to continue receiving the child support. His grades being what they were, he could easily have managed a scholarship. So something is amiss here, and I don't think it's just greed. Please look into how your stepson is actually doing.
CS stopped for us when each of the girls hit 18, even though they graduated with honors and went to college. For CS to continue into college it has to be in the agreement originally signed by the parents.
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Imagine that
