Small town America, Fessenden, North Dakota (Scranton: fit in, real estate, buying a home)
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You know, there are small towns, and there are SMALL towns. I have been in both. Towns with as little as 350 ppl, and towns with about 10K or 50K. I have also lived in Tucson and Phoenix. Never have I experienced the type of town I am now in! This town has about 550 ppl.
People in small communities are for the most part, accepting. They usually welcome new kids in the schools as it rises the count on the sports teams, and new faces around town as it helps the economic growth. Basically, it helps keep businesses open.
Well, if you are EVER looking for a welcoming community in North Dakota, I suggest you steer clear of Fessenden. Completely! Reason? Well......
1. We arrived here in June. By July we were already being taken advantage of by a local realtor while buying a home.
2. At first kids seemed to be willilng to be friendly, but by the time school started that story changed. Sure there are a few kids who make an expection to the rule. (Actually 3-5 that are totally awesome, but that is it!)
While my son played football he was liked. (he played alot) After season, well, the rumors started to fly. You see, in this town, there are only a few things kids have to do. Drink, do drugs, and talk bad about anyone they can. This is a well known fact. If you don't join what they are doing, they make your day rough.
3. The parents of these kids, well, they think their children can do no wrong. A daughter who is over weight can hit and kick someone because they said something mean. The mom see's nothing wrong with that. Some act as their kids can steal things from school and that is no big deal also. If your child is a guest at someone's home, make sure you warn them that whispering anything can cause a problem, even simply whispering "I need the restroom". People will be polite and let their children invite the outsiders over, but in no way will they let their children come to someone elses home. (except for those few as mentioned in section 2)
4. The school. Well, they talk it up to be spectacular. It is far from it. It is all computer above 5th grade. The football coaches are AWESOME! Yet, the female coach plays favorites so desperately that I really feel sorry for those on the team in 2008-2009. This coach drives the kids around, in a van, yet does not stop at RR crossings, nor does she make sure the team is buckled up with seat belts. I know this as I drove behind them on two different occasions. Yes, I did report it. Funny thing is I haven't heard anything but derogetory remarks about this particular coach.
5. Other than a few exceptional neighbors, and a few upstanding employees of differrent businesses around town, no one tries to befriend you. You can go out of your way to start a conversation with most and you simply get a turned up nose.
6. We moved here to buy a business. Everyone knew who we were, and who we were buying from. No one said anything bad about the seller. We didn't buy the business and are now leaving this place. Now that word spread we weren't buying this business, there are so many things being said about the seller that my ears are ringing.
Rumors are everywhere you live. I understand that. But when a town is this small, a rumor is through it in a day, and twisted evil in the next. If someone can't figure out what is going on, not to worry, someone else will make something up to suit the curiosity.
These kids' parents need to pull their heads out of the sand and see what they are teaching their children. Hate doesn't go far. How will these kids get through life when they are adults and leave the comfort of this little town. If they act like this in bigger cities, they will play hell getting along.
So, pack up, get the uhaul, just keep driving when the sign says Fessenden, North Dakota. You will be glad you didn't stop!!!!
Im so sorry you had to experience good ole Fessenden first hand. I can attest to everything you are saying. This isn't even like a stereotype of a "small town" -- its worse much worse. I feel sorry for your kids and having to go to school there. I know how evil that school is, I went there as well. Be glad that, was it your son, got as much football playing time as he did -- if you had lived outside of Fessenden, it would of been a totally different story. They would of let him practice, but that would of been it, every game he would of warmed the bench along with all of the other "farm kids" --- its sad and I could not wait to graduate! The mentality of the people of this town is really sad and pathetic. Whats worse is the way they raise their kids and the attitudes the parents,teachers, coaches instill into them -- I just take solace in the fact (and Ive seen this many, many times) that those jocks that think their s*** doesn't stink and the ones that their parents have blown up their egos so big -- well when they get to the "real world" -- its like a slap in the face dose of reality -- they can't handle it cuz nobody in the real world gives a crap what you did or didn't do in your small town high school --
Im glad you're able to get out of there and take your kids away from all of that bull****, just sorry nobody warned you firsthand. Good luck to you & wherever you are moving next ...
You know, there are small towns, and there are SMALL towns. I have been in both. Towns with as little as 350 ppl, and towns with about 10K or 50K. I have also lived in Tucson and Phoenix. Never have I experienced the type of town I am now in! This town has about 550 ppl.
People in small communities are for the most part, accepting. They usually welcome new kids in the schools as it rises the count on the sports teams, and new faces around town as it helps the economic growth. Basically, it helps keep businesses open.
Well, if you are EVER looking for a welcoming community in North Dakota, I suggest you steer clear of Fessenden. Completely! Reason? Well......
1. We arrived here in June. By July we were already being taken advantage of by a local realtor while buying a home.
2. At first kids seemed to be willilng to be friendly, but by the time school started that story changed. Sure there are a few kids who make an expection to the rule. (Actually 3-5 that are totally awesome, but that is it!)
While my son played football he was liked. (he played alot) After season, well, the rumors started to fly. You see, in this town, there are only a few things kids have to do. Drink, do drugs, and talk bad about anyone they can. This is a well known fact. If you don't join what they are doing, they make your day rough.
3. The parents of these kids, well, they think their children can do no wrong. A daughter who is over weight can hit and kick someone because they said something mean. The mom see's nothing wrong with that. Some act as their kids can steal things from school and that is no big deal also. If your child is a guest at someone's home, make sure you warn them that whispering anything can cause a problem, even simply whispering "I need the restroom". People will be polite and let their children invite the outsiders over, but in no way will they let their children come to someone elses home. (except for those few as mentioned in section 2)
4. The school. Well, they talk it up to be spectacular. It is far from it. It is all computer above 5th grade. The football coaches are AWESOME! Yet, the female coach plays favorites so desperately that I really feel sorry for those on the team in 2008-2009. This coach drives the kids around, in a van, yet does not stop at RR crossings, nor does she make sure the team is buckled up with seat belts. I know this as I drove behind them on two different occasions. Yes, I did report it. Funny thing is I haven't heard anything but derogetory remarks about this particular coach.
5. Other than a few exceptional neighbors, and a few upstanding employees of differrent businesses around town, no one tries to befriend you. You can go out of your way to start a conversation with most and you simply get a turned up nose.
6. We moved here to buy a business. Everyone knew who we were, and who we were buying from. No one said anything bad about the seller. We didn't buy the business and are now leaving this place. Now that word spread we weren't buying this business, there are so many things being said about the seller that my ears are ringing.
Rumors are everywhere you live. I understand that. But when a town is this small, a rumor is through it in a day, and twisted evil in the next. If someone can't figure out what is going on, not to worry, someone else will make something up to suit the curiosity.
These kids' parents need to pull their heads out of the sand and see what they are teaching their children. Hate doesn't go far. How will these kids get through life when they are adults and leave the comfort of this little town. If they act like this in bigger cities, they will play hell getting along.
So, pack up, get the uhaul, just keep driving when the sign says Fessenden, North Dakota. You will be glad you didn't stop!!!!
Very sorry that this has been your experience.
I am aware of a minister's family in a small town outside of Fessenden who experienced much of what you went through, but they kept perservering, through love, and I believe they have made a major difference in people's lives. (They certainly inspire me.)
During my college days, I knew some students from Fessenden that I thought the world of. Often times, an issue with smaller towns is that the natural leaders of the community get educated and move away, and there isn't any replacements that come in. Not that educated people are necessarily more mature, but their outside experiences often assist them in seeing issues from other's perspectives, not merely their own. A town that had a fantastic social climate only one generation ago can deteriorate, as the leaders of that generation pass on and there is no true leaders who have a more balanced perspective to fill the void. Some small towns have lost almost their all in-borne leadership, and what's left are not as capable of social leadership without a lot of training and personal reflection.
IMHO, the ability of a person to recognize their own failings and shortfalls indicates a some level of spiritual development. This same principle also applies to communities, and is almost discernable in small towns.
Perhaps this might sound preachy, but a small town that has a vibrant spiritual church base (not legalistic or religious, those are as bad as a bar culture for a community) is what I would seek out. Almost without fail, the successful small towns in ND that are open to outsiders seem to have leadership that are sacrificial towards the community.
If you are open to it, pray (very specifically) for the people or event that hurt you most. Then watch and wait for a very subtle response - it will be answered.
Last edited by fourwinds; 11-14-2007 at 07:40 PM..
Thanks for the heads up. We were looking at property in and around Fessenden. We don't have kids at home anymore, so that wouldn't be part of any involvement - but the children reflect the parents. Some towns do develop a culture of meanness and small mindedness that just seems to eat them alive and destroy their souls, as well as suck at the souls of people who pass thru or move in. Very sad. A few determined positive people can change it - we've gotten together with others and done it! - but the meanness is still always there under the surface and I am too old and crotchety and set in my ways now to bother. Ahem. Grin.
Wow! Only ONE building permit has been issued for this town since 1996. If the consensus is that Fessenden is an unwelcoming place to newcomers, then this statistic certainly reflects that. A 15.0% decline in population over the last few years isn't very promising either. This poor town!
If the consensus is that Fessenden is an unwelcoming place to newcomers, then this statistic certainly reflects that.
I've been to Fessenden many times, and disagree with what the thread starter has posted. It appears that she is dissapointed that her family didn't fit in within 5 months of moving there. I'd take her words as what they are - opinions from someone with a huge axe to grind.
They're all snobby there! They won't even let you drive down the big hill!
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yes avoid fessenden, nd
