Are people really more unfriendly in Northern VA than other large US suburban areas? (Arlington: home, living in)

[Reefshark_72]

I see a trend here. Most posts defending NOVAs reputation are from persons that grew up here. I grew up in New Orleans and I know that it is considered a violent city, but I would defend its rep till the end. I can understand people not wanting to believe that the area they grew up in sux. [mod]Off-topic[/mod] I think that's a lot of the reason people may seen rude to some.

[pjg66]

I've lived a large part of my life in the D.C. metro area, residing at various times in Montgomery County, PG County, Fairfax County, Alexandria, Arlington, and D.C. itself.

And the people were pretty much the same over the whole area. Some were friendly and some were not. But especially toward my later years there, I found a lot of people acting preoccupied and stressed out (maybe because they actually were).

I generally found the clerks and store personnel curt and abrupt. Dare ask one for help and you got back this look "How dare you bother me with your petty problems." Maybe D.C. area folks are used to it, but just go to a part of the country (e.g. parts of the South or West) where store employees are courteous and helpful, and you'll immediately notice the difference.

I'll never forget one time my brother from Idaho was visiting. After a trip to the local supermarket he commented, "I was uncomfortable in that place. The people around here look right through you as if you weren't there."

Sometimes it takes an outsider to point out things we hardly notice.

[alexfl777]

People are very nasty and unfriendly in this area !! I am from South Carolina and people are not the same at all! I use to speak and smile often and people would turn there head or look at you like you crazy.I been here over 12 years. Out of town people tend to be more friendly. I am moving in a year from now back south thank God

[TillyMarigold]

Originally Posted by Dingler

I talk to alot of people about their impressions of the Northern VA area. Most tell me that much of Northern VA is getting to be more like New Jersey (just outside of NYC) than the Southern Place it use to be. Almost everyone complains about the huge number of fake, unfriendly, cold, Type A people. I agree, this is a place for immigrants, people who work 80 hours a week to "turn the world on fire" and people who like fine dining, fancy shopping and keeping up with the Jones. I find a large number of people unfriendly here.

As part of my job I do alot of travel and get a chance to see and interact with people from all over the country. I notice a huge cultural difference between the people in the greater DC area and most low key relaxed Metro areas in the South, Midwest and the Mountain West.

Sure, there are nice people in NVA, but as a percentage of the group I do not see this as a place to go if you want a nice neighborhood with easy conversation over the fence. Your thoughts?

I'm from New Jersey (grew up there, moved to Virginia, back to New Jersey, now in New Mexico trying to get back to Virginia, but I spend a lot of time in Northern Virginia for work). NoVA is much friendlier--insofar as I'm an unusually friendly person for New Jersey and about average for the DC metro area. And standoffish in the deep South.

On the other hand, I find that there is such a thing as too much small talk. I have a friend who moved from NJ to Alabama and her description is, "It's nice that people are so friendly, but sometimes you just want to get your coffee and go, not have a conversation with the employee at the drive-through window."

And I find that small talk does not equal genuine nice-ness. If I want small talk, sure, I'd move to the South. But if I wanted to actually make close friends who'd do anything for me and me for them, I'd move to New Jersey. Small talk is so often a way of keeping people at arm's length.

It was very hard to adjust when I moved to Albuquerque to the idea that someone who would hug me and ask me how my day was and how is my husband/mother/dog, didn't actually genuinely care. In New Jersey, you don't ask someone how their husband is unless you care about the answer. That means a lot less small talk, obviously, but it means that if someone invites you to have dinner with their family, it means they're willing to help you move house next weekend if need be. Here in NM, they may invite you to dinner and never speak to you again, because there's no larger significance. I've lived here 5 years and only made 1 real friend, and that's a common complaint.

One last thing ... friendliness isn't everything. Frankly, in many contexts I prefer the New Jersey "get the job done quickly and right and don't waste time jabbering" to the New Mexico "hi, how you doing, how's your wife, lovely weather we're having, I'll get around to the job when I feel like it and do it as well as I feel like doing at the time."

[Caladium]

Originally Posted by TillyMarigold

On the other hand, I find that there is such a thing as too much small talk.

LOL, I totally agree--and maybe this is a root of the problem. Different people have different ideas about how much time to spend on chit chat. I like chatting while I'm waiting in line at the grocery store, but after a few minutes I'm chatted out. Lately I've hit a few situations where I've had to get away from too much small talk--so maybe to those people I'm unfriendly.

This really hit home recently. We are doing some remodeling and have been interviewing contractors for the past two weeks. Some will socialize for 5-10 minutes and then get down to business. Now that's my idea of friendliness.

Others will spend 5-10 minutes on business but then want to sit around talking about Nascar or their dog or funny things kids do for another hour. I'm not kidding. One window guy went on and on about driving a nascar from 4 p.m. until almost 5 p.m. the other day. I was really aware of the time slipping by because I needed to get to the store. That's not my idea of friendliness, that's wasting time, IMO.

I enjoy chit chat for about 10 minutes, and after 15 I stop being quite so polite and make a real effort to steer the conversation back to business. Does that make me unfriendly? Guess different people will see this in different ways.

[ACWhite]

Caladium, I have a hypothesis about that, having had several houses that had to be updated/repaired. A lot of contractors work alone most of the day, day after day (as opposed to people in offices or in retail, etc., who may interact with dozens of people, or at least some very good friends, consistently). So some of them welcome a little human break from basically being in "solitary confinement." Because they are in your home, it may feel more "friendly" to them than a business setting. So I understand why some want to chat a bit.

At the same time, I try to be aware that many of them are paid by the job, so if they waste time talking about my pets or whether the economy's improving, that's money they could be getting (and if they're paid by the minute, that's my money!). I don't want that calculation to be going on in their brains while we're yakking and try not to talk too much. So, some have no more motivation to talk with customers than anyone else. But I would say that the majority that aren't overscheduled do like to talk a bit.

[Caladium]

Originally Posted by ACWhite

Caladium, I have a hypothesis about that, having had several houses that had to be updated/repaired. A lot of contractors work alone most of the day, day after day (as opposed to people in offices or in retail, etc., who may interact with dozens of people, or at least some very good friends, consistently). So some of them welcome a little human break from basically being in "solitary confinement." Because they are in your home, it may feel more "friendly" to them than a business setting. So I understand why some want to chat a bit.

At the same time, I try to be aware that many of them are paid by the job, so if they waste time talking about my pets or whether the economy's improving, that's money they could be getting (and if they're paid by the minute, that's my money!). I don't want that calculation to be going on in their brains while we're yakking and try not to talk too much. So, some have no more motivation to talk with customers than anyone else. But I would say that the majority that aren't overscheduled do like to talk a bit.

Very good points! To this particular guy's credit he was working the whole time he was talking, and he seemed to be doing a goodt job. The problem was that I don't have all day to sit around chatting. A few minutes here and there is fine, but I have lots of other things I have to do so I've decided I can't socialize like that again. Oh well, guess I'm unfriendly.

[DMV]

In NOVA when its comes to attitudes they're just like any other place. They have they're good days and they're bad days. People aren't nice all the all the time, simply because each day you may go through something different that causes your mood to constantly shift, especially in a dog eat dog kind of area like this where people just work work work. It becomes very stressful at times and if your cant handle it, then you might find yourself taking it out on others. That happens all the time.

[Artsywoman]

Originally Posted by Reefshark_72

I see a trend here. Most posts defending NOVAs reputation are from persons that grew up here. I grew up in New Orleans and I know that it is considered a violent city, but I would defend its rep till the end. I can understand people not wanting to believe that the area they grew up in sux. Moderator cut: Off-topic I think that's a lot of the reason people may seen rude to some.

I agree, this crap here is off the chain. I feel like I am in a foreign country and I grew up here. I am or used to be a tolerant person , but I am so sick of this BS Moderator cut: Off-topic, so it is annoying and Nova has become extremely stressful to live in now. I cannot wait to get out. Moderator cut: Off-topic

[Nancy in Nokomis]

To me - people were much friendlier in the NY/NJ area - not fake friendly like here.

People in the NY area are there when you need them - when they invite you you to their house or to meet somewhere - they really mean it. They dont make polite small talk.

Interesting when you say the South is standoffish - I was hoping that people would be friendlier the further south you go - I have found out NOVA is not really the South.

We recently had a repair guy in to fix our front loader washer - he talked a little after he was done - I found out a lot about what brands are good and what is junk and some interesting facts about washing machines and how people ruin them - I am glad I had some "small talk" with him.