Are people really more unfriendly in Northern VA than other large US suburban areas? (Arlington: sale, appliances)

[CAVA1990]

Originally Posted by Artsywoman

I agree, this crap here is off the chain. I feel like I am in a foreign country and I grew up here. I am or used to be a tolerant person , but I am so sick of this BS and no one speaks English or tries anymore, so it is annoying and Nova has become extremely stressful to live in now. I cannot wait to get out. Every area has become almost a small country. It is difficult. While accepting immigration, it has become way to rampant at this point.

I have not noticed this to be a problem. Everywhere I go everyone pretty much can speak English when required. Anyway I think it's cool to hear people speaking in foreign tongues. Lends a real "cosmopolitan" international flair to the place.

[stpickrell]

I suspect most people's judgments on the friendliness or lack thereof in Northern Virginia were made before they met anyone from Northern Virginia.

[oneasterisk]

Originally Posted by stpickrell

I suspect most people's judgments on the friendliness or lack thereof in Northern Virginia were made before they met anyone from Northern Virginia.

I'll go further and say there aren't many native Northern Virginians so the "rude people" you are meeting are statistically from other parts of the country or the world. Don't blame NOVA for bringing all the rude people into one great rude melting pot

[Nancy in Nokomis]

Native Virginians are all so friendly, welcoming and non judgemental - what a great bunch of cut ups - gotta love em!

[robbobobbo]

Originally Posted by Reefshark_72

Also I believe that a majority of the people who live here are just sick of the bull**** ( RAMPANT IMMIGRATION).So I can understand not wanting to dilly dally in the market and just wanting to get home as soon as possible to where things make sense to you (ENGLISH!!!) I think that's a lot of the reason people may seen rude to some.

I doubt that the average Northern Virginia resident, whether long-term or newcomer, is sick of immigration or thinks of it as "bull****". I also doubt that irritation over encountering people whose native language isn't English, or hearing foreign languages being spoken, is the driving force behind NoVA's characteristic aloofness, hurriedness, or traits that some find cold or rude. I realize that some people are disturbed by the changing demographics.

Northern Virginia is suburban, but the density makes the social characteristics more like a city. Boston, New England in general, Seattle and other places are stereotyped as taciturn and cold, as well. Try Tokyo or London and see how much social interaction you see between strangers. Do people moving to Northern Virginia assume they are coming to Old Virginny, with rolling hills and horses and genteel manners? If so, I can understand the reality would be a shock.

[Caladium]

Originally Posted by robbobobbo

Do people moving to Northern Virginia assume they are coming to Old Virginny, with rolling hills and horses and genteel manners? If so, I can understand the reality would be a shock.

Well gee hominny shucks, you mean it isn't? Sometimes I think people who don't know they area see "Tysons Corner" on the map and think it's some quaint dusty crossroad. A place they can mosey down the ole dirt road to Ike's general store, and sit on the front stoop drinking mint juleps.

[Carlingtonian]

Originally Posted by TillyMarigold

On the other hand, I find that there is such a thing as too much small talk. I have a friend who moved from NJ to Alabama and her description is, "It's nice that people are so friendly, but sometimes you just want to get your coffee and go, not have a conversation with the employee at the drive-through window."

And I find that small talk does not equal genuine nice-ness. If I want small talk, sure, I'd move to the South. But if I wanted to actually make close friends who'd do anything for me and me for them, I'd move to New Jersey. Small talk is so often a way of keeping people at arm's length.

It was very hard to adjust when I moved to Albuquerque to the idea that someone who would hug me and ask me how my day was and how is my husband/mother/dog, didn't actually genuinely care. In New Jersey, you don't ask someone how their husband is unless you care about the answer. That means a lot less small talk, obviously, but it means that if someone invites you to have dinner with their family, it means they're willing to help you move house next weekend if need be. Here in NM, they may invite you to dinner and never speak to you again, because there's no larger significance. I've lived here 5 years and only made 1 real friend, and that's a common complaint.

One last thing ... friendliness isn't everything. Frankly, in many contexts I prefer the New Jersey "get the job done quickly and right and don't waste time jabbering" to the New Mexico "hi, how you doing, how's your wife, lovely weather we're having, I'll get around to the job when I feel like it and do it as well as I feel like doing at the time."

Amen to all this. I think there's a difference between initial friendliness in meeting someone versus a fake familiarity like you describe in NM. I'm from Texas, and as best I can recall (having not lived there in almost 20 years), folks are very friendly when you meet--smiles, pleasantries, etc. But not usually going into "How's your spouse?" unless they know you.

(Sidenote: One funny thing about Texas is that everyone thinks the weather is this fascinating subject. For the life of me, I cannot have a conversation with my dad that does not touch on the lack of rain they're getting.)

Those who say the DC area is rude: What setting are you thinking of? I'm a very friendly guy. If you ask me for directions, I will not only tell you; I will draw your lost *** a detailed map. But on the Metro, we commuters want peace and quiet, not chitchat. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. (No, not riding a moped while wearing Armani.)

On my street in N. Arlington, it's a real mix. Some families are super friendly, but there's one young couple across the street who are inexplicably stand-offish and just kinda jerky. When you won't acknowledge your own neighbors just to say hi, that IS rude. But I don't know where they're from.

As to NYC: Friendliest place I've ever been. Really. I was shocked the first time I went to Manhattan. People go out of their way to help you.

[CAVA1990]

Originally Posted by Carlingtonian

Amen to all this. I think there's a difference between initial friendliness in meeting someone versus a fake familiarity like you describe in NM. I'm from Texas, and as best I can recall (having not lived there in almost 20 years), folks are very friendly when you meet--smiles, pleasantries, etc. But not usually going into "How's your spouse?" unless they know you. .

Funny I just saw a post on the NM forum wondering why people there were so much less friendly than Texans. I pointed out that perhaps it's a cultural difference between Westerners and Southerners. Westerners are traditionally perceived as strong silent types who prefer to speak through their actions rather than engage in idle banter. Maybe we have more of those types here in NoVA.

[Caladium]

Originally Posted by CAVA1990

Funny I just saw a post on the NM forum wondering why people there were so much less friendly than Texans.

LOL, just about every forum has a few "The people here are so unfriendly" posts. One of these days I'll start a collection just to see how long it wil take me to find one for every state.

[Kembek]

Originally Posted by Artsywoman

I agree, this crap here is off the chain. I feel like I am in a foreign country and I grew up here. I am or used to be a tolerant person , but I am so sick of this BS Moderator cut: Off-topic, so it is annoying and Nova has become extremely stressful to live in now. I cannot wait to get out. Moderator cut: Off-topic

I go to Williamsburg every year for a week. It's like a breath of fresh air Moderator cut: Off-topic. Like you, I grew up here and I agree that living in NoVA has become not only stressful, but also depressing.