Final gift to NOVA forum (tongue in cheek although it may hit home to a few of us) (Arlington: apartment, renting)

[sportsterjohn]

[SIZE=3]Since I am leaving NOVA and the NOVA forum shortly, I thought it would be a nice gesture to help make things a bit easier for others who are here or considering moving here. Instead of having to ask the same questions over and over or having to search and hunt for info on a topic, I decided to summarize the most popular topics. So, I am leaving you with a list of the most common questions (and sometimes answers) in the NOVA forum. My suggestion is that the mods turn this into a sticky.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]I am moving to NOVA, where should I live:[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]1: I am planning on moving to NOVA soon, I need a 2000+SF SFH on at least ½ acre of property. I have a 3rd grader so I need to be in the best school district in the world. My husband is a lawn mower repair man and will be working in Arlington. Our budget for a house is $250k, where should we look? Oh, and we need a 30min or less commute.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]2: If I buy a house in Reston, can I paint it something other than brown?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]3: Was Ashburn the influence for Stepford or is it the other way around?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]4: I am a native Spanish speaker with limited English, is Herndon a good fit for me?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]5: Can I get an apartment in Arlington near the metro for less than $1000 a month?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]6: If I live in Leesburg and work near Fed Triangle, will the commute be less than 1 hr?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]7: If I move to Front Royal, how will the commute to Tysons Corner be?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]8: Why no trailer parks in Fairfax county?______________[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]9: Top reasons why Maryland sucks.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]NOVA parenting questions:[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]1: if my child doesn’t get into advanced physics in 6th grade, will he end up having to go to NVCC?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]2: If my child doesn’t get into the AP program does that mean I am a failure as a parent?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]3: I want to make sure that my child gets into the ‘right’ daycare program, how long before I get pregnant should I apply?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]4: Should I enroll little Tyler into tennis, hockey and soccer during my 2nd trimester or 3rd trimester?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]5: Is 5th grade too late to get into the SAT prep classes?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]6: if my child’s placement test scores indicate that my child is average, should I sue the school board?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]NOVA getting along in the neighbors:[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]1: I am a vegan and my next door neighbor was grilling steaks on their deck. The HOA won’t do anything about it, can I sue?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]2: I moved to NOVA because I wanted to expose my children to multiple cultures, a family of “fill in ethnic group” just moved into my neighborhood, how will it affect my property values?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]3: They opened a gay bar in my area, is it catching? (Herndon only)[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]4: My neighbor’s dog pooped in my yard, should I call the HOA or the police?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]5: I saw some guy at Starbucks browsing a web site in Arabic, should I call the homeland security tip line?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]6: Are there MS 13 members living on Alabama Street? If so, how do I avoid getting shot?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]7: If I go to 7-11s, am I considered underclass?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]8: Why are there not more Burger Kings around here?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]9: NOVA is ok but I like my old city better because_________________[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]10: Wegmans is great because________________[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]11: How to recognize people who are more important than you (without them telling you themselves) ____________[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]12: I invited 10 people I met at Safeway to come over and watch my vacation video and they all said no, people here are so unfriendly.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]13: I leave to go to work at 5:30am and get home at 7:30pm, why can’t I make friends here?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]Transportation / Driving in NOVA[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]1: If I drive a Prius, does it make me morally superior?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]2: TIPs for texting while driving__________[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]3: I got a ticket for driving my SUV in the HOV lane, is that fair?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]4: Metro sucks because____[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]5: I once saw someone on metro_______[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]6: What the hell is slugging?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]7: My car cost more than your car so I am have the right of way[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]8: TIPS for cutting over 3 lanes 100yrd before your exit__________[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]9: Metro bus or train? Which smells better during summer?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]10: Is a 90min commute each way worth it if I can have a bigger house for the same price?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]11: Tips for timing honking your horn with the traffic light changing________[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]12: Bus stop / Platform etiquette________________[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]Working life in NOVA:[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]1: My clearance level is higher than yours so I am better than you are.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]2: I am not an A type ultra competitive Ahole, I just have to be first all of the time[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]3: Can a GS9 get laid around here?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]4: TIPS for using others as stepping stones at work________[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]5: Can a Gov’t employee ever get laid off for incompetence?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]6: Is a $40k a year job enough to live here?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]7:Will they find out I smoked dope in high school during my background check?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]8: Is Columbus Day a real holiday?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]9: I only have a Bachelors degree, am I loser?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]Bonus Poll[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]Things I worry about the most?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]A: property values[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]B: Making sure that little Hunter has the best of everything and every achievement is displayed on the back window of my SUV[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]C: What my neighbors are up to[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]D: Making sure you know my social status[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]E: Mexicans[/SIZE]

[khuntrevor]

****=4 Stars.....

[Dazed&Confused]

Loved it!

[Smoke_Jaguar4]

Fixed:

We are planning on moving to NOVA soon, I need a 4000+SF SFH on at least 1 acre of property. It must have a 3-car garage for our Escalade, Hummer H1, and Suburban. We have 5 kids and a labrador so I need to be in the best school district in the world. My husband is a GS-7 and will be working in Silver Spring. Our budget for a house is $100k, where should we look? Oh, and we need a 30min or less commute.

[geekocaster]

Fixed it for you (format)

Since I am leaving NOVA and the NOVA forum shortly, I thought it would be a nice gesture to help make things a bit easier for others who are here or considering moving here. Instead of having to ask the same questions over and over or having to search and hunt for info on a topic, I decided to summarize the most popular topics. So, I am leaving you with a list of the most common questions (and sometimes answers) in the NOVA forum. My suggestion is that the mods turn this into a sticky.

I am moving to NOVA, where should I live:
1: I am planning on moving to NOVA soon, I need a 2000+SF SFH on at least ½ acre of property. I have a 3rd grader so I need to be in the best school district in the world. My husband is a lawn mower repair man and will be working in Arlington. Our budget for a house is $250k, where should we look? Oh, and we need a 30min or less commute.
2: If I buy a house in Reston, can I paint it something other than brown?
3: Was Ashburn the influence for Stepford or is it the other way around?
4: I am a native Spanish speaker with limited English, is Herndon a good fit for me?
5: Can I get an apartment in Arlington near the metro for less than $1000 a month?
6: If I live in Leesburg and work near Fed Triangle, will the commute be less than 1 hr?
7: If I move to Front Royal, how will the commute to Tysons Corner be?
8: Why no trailer parks in Fairfax county?______________
9: Top reasons why Maryland sucks.

NOVA parenting questions:
1: if my child doesn’t get into advanced physics in 6th grade, will he end up having to go to NVCC?
2: If my child doesn’t get into the AP program does that mean I am a failure as a parent?
3: I want to make sure that my child gets into the ‘right’ daycare program, how long before I get pregnant should I apply?
4: Should I enroll little Tyler into tennis, hockey and soccer during my 2nd trimester or 3rd trimester?
5: Is 5th grade too late to get into the SAT prep classes?
6: if my child’s placement test scores indicate that my child is average, should I sue the school board?

NOVA getting along in the neighbors:
1: I am a vegan and my next door neighbor was grilling steaks on their deck. The HOA won’t do anything about it, can I sue?
2: I moved to NOVA because I wanted to expose my children to multiple cultures, a family of “fill in ethnic group” just moved into my neighborhood, how will it affect my property values?
3: They opened a gay bar in my area, is it catching? (Herndon only)
4: My neighbor’s dog pooped in my yard, should I call the HOA or the police?
5: I saw some guy at Starbucks browsing a web site in Arabic, should I call the homeland security tip line?
6: Are there MS 13 members living on Alabama Street? If so, how do I avoid getting shot?
7: If I go to 7-11s, am I considered underclass?
8: Why are there not more Burger Kings around here?
9: NOVA is ok but I like my old city better because_________________
10: Wegmans is great because________________
11: How to recognize people who are more important than you (without them telling you themselves) ____________
12: I invited 10 people I met at Safeway to come over and watch my vacation video and they all said no, people here are so unfriendly.
13: I leave to go to work at 5:30am and get home at 7:30pm, why can’t I make friends here?

Transportation / Driving in NOVA
1: If I drive a Prius, does it make me morally superior?
2: TIPs for texting while driving__________
3: I got a ticket for driving my SUV in the HOV lane, is that fair?
4: Metro sucks because____
5: I once saw someone on metro_______
6: What the hell is slugging?
7: My car cost more than your car so I am have the right of way
8: TIPS for cutting over 3 lanes 100yrd before your exit__________
9: Metro bus or train? Which smells better during summer?
10: Is a 90min commute each way worth it if I can have a bigger house for the same price?
11: Tips for timing honking your horn with the traffic light changing________
12: Bus stop / Platform etiquette________________

Working life in NOVA:
1: My clearance level is higher than yours so I am better than you are.
2: I am not an A type ultra competitive Ahole, I just have to be first all of the time
3: Can a GS9 get laid around here?
4: TIPS for using others as stepping stones at work________
5: Can a Gov’t employee ever get laid off for incompetence?
6: Is a $40k a year job enough to live here?
7:Will they find out I smoked dope in high school during my background check?
8: Is Columbus Day a real holiday?
9: I only have a Bachelors degree, am I loser?

Bonus Poll
Things I worry about the most?
A: property values
B: Making sure that little Hunter has the best of everything and every achievement is displayed on the back window of my SUV
C: What my neighbors are up to
D: Making sure you know my social status
E: Mexicans

[geekocaster]

Geekocaster Likes

[sportsterjohn]

thanks for fixing it. I was bored during my 2nd to last day of work and wrote it in word. I then copied / pasted and was to lazy to remove the html.

[NC211]

I don't even live there yet, and I already love it!!! "Mexicans".....hahaha! That is hilarious!!

[FindingZen]

Originally Posted by NC211

I don't even live there yet, and I already love it!!! "Mexicans".....hahaha! That is hilarious!!

The real joke there - which I presume the OP was spoofing - is that Mexicans are actually a minority within the local Hispanic community.

[bmwguydc]

And, Ashburn could not have been Stepford, as that's Darien, CT. Seriously, Darien was the model for Stepford in the novel.