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Old 09-25-2012, 09:42 PM
 
442 posts, read 738,458 times
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When I was growing up I did one activity at a time. All of my friends have their kids in several different things at once. Soccer, scouts, Karate, music class.

Why do we push our kids in all of these things. Does it really make them better rounded, confident etc?
or is it too much? I'm talking about elementary kids here. Do we as parents really believe that if we
push them that they will be come masters in their field?

What say ye Alpha Parents?
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Old 09-25-2012, 10:13 PM
 
Location: Fairfax, VA
1,449 posts, read 3,159,127 times
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how odd - this topic just came up on facebook tonight. I thought my kid was busy - then I heard some other people's roster of activities. No thank you!

I was trying to drop one of my child's activities, but then a friend of hers from another school decided to take gymnastics with her and she moved up a level at ballet. Plus Daisies. THEN she wanted to add a couple more afternoons a week at school clubs, and soccer with friends. I said no. That is just too darn much. I did let her add a before school club, though - mostly because it is an exercise club, and heck, who doesn't want that for their kid? PLUS, I get to go and do it, too.

Anyway, yes, our kids are ridiculously overscheduled. Pick a couple things. Reevaluate often.
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Old 09-26-2012, 03:48 AM
 
Location: Everywhere and Nowhere
14,129 posts, read 31,113,429 times
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i think it's somewhat a myth that this is parent driven. In my experience the kids themselves ask to do all this stuff because they have many different friends involved in different things (kids today seem more social) and want to do what they're doing. As Hilsmom suggested, we're often more the regulators who have to say when enough's enough. One of my kids who's long past college age is still "overscheduled" but as when she was little, it's entirely of her own doing.

Last edited by CAVA1990; 09-26-2012 at 04:02 AM..
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Old 09-26-2012, 06:20 AM
 
12,905 posts, read 15,563,969 times
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Yes and no. I know some kids who seem to be so involved in many things that they can barely get to bed before 10PM most nights and are eating dinner on the fly. As a parent, *I* could not survive this and neither could my kids. I'm a fairly "Type B" person and have produced two fine Type B kids. They couldn't handle more than one activity. For instance, my son participates in Cross Country, he has a little part time job, and he's in mostly AP and honor classes. He came home last night and complained that he's just so stressed out. But there are many kids in his peer group that are doing WAY more than that and are handling it--in fact, thrive on it. My coworker has two girls that are in about four different athletic activities throughout the year, they are in middle and high school, and are also in the gifted programs in FFX County schools which means extra work. They seem to thrive on it and they ask for it.
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Old 09-26-2012, 07:08 AM
 
Location: NOVA
393 posts, read 1,199,300 times
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I think so. By choice I never had kids so I never went through this craziness, but I see it with my goddaughter. She was taking lessons from the time she could walk. You name it, she took it. Her mother even put her in day care even though the mom was a SAHM. What's that all about? A neighbor once told me that this area is particularly bad and that it's the parents who are competitive with other parents. She and her husband permitted each child to pick one activity per school year. Seems reasonable to me.
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Old 09-26-2012, 07:16 AM
 
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,677 posts, read 41,509,172 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by midlifeman View Post
When I was growing up I did one activity at a time. All of my friends have their kids in several different things at once. Soccer, scouts, Karate, music class.

Why do we push our kids in all of these things. Does it really make them better rounded, confident etc?
or is it too much? I'm talking about elementary kids here. Do we as parents really believe that if we
push them that they will be come masters in their field?

What say ye Alpha Parents?
I may not be a parent but as a guy who wasn't a child that long ago I think kids are too overscheduled. When I was in middle and high school I did no more than two after-school clubs per week mixed with band or chorus. My mother had no problem with me doing less after-school stuff than other kids because even during the days I came home straight when school let out I was outside playing pick-up sports with my friends or hanging out with them without doing too much mischief.

When I moved to Alexandria in 11th grade I pretty much did nothing afterschool, unless you want to count a part-time job in 12th grade. I think it is also a myth that having a lot of after-school stuff is the difference in getting into college. I got accepted into a couple of big universities in HS despite a lackluster after-school resume (when compared to others) and a so-so GPA.

I think kids need time to just be kids and more importantly to recharge to deal with the stresses of K-12 education.
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Old 09-26-2012, 07:46 AM
 
1,843 posts, read 3,691,079 times
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I think in elementary school it is the parents wanting to find the thing that their kid(s) love, are good at etc. When I was her age there just weren't any activities, other than little league baseball, local youth football teams, and cheerleading for them. Soccer didn't exist, there were few if any gymnastics places (in my southern small town), and ballet was a very select group of people. It was pretty much GS and BS.

For my kid..we did the ballet thing..didn't like it..soccer...didn't like it..gymnastics..didn't like it. All of these one at a time. Took a karate class and found her absolute passion. At the beginning there was also brownies and some other things. Those eventually fell by the wayside. Now it is karate..BUT it is 7 days a week, her choice. It has become her social outlet, these are some of her best friends, it is a place where she leads and learns, trains hard, AND has boys! Something we are finding is becoming very important to her.

We are lucky in that it is all wrapped up in one activity. I know that I would most likely send her to multiple activities like some of her friends if she didn't get all the things she wants out of it.

That said...she is only 10 and I think she might change her mind about other activities as she gets older, some I might say no to, but ultimately if her grades don't suffer and we are not inconvenienced by her activities we would do it.
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Old 09-26-2012, 08:31 AM
 
Location: Fairfax County
1,534 posts, read 3,710,335 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CAVA1990 View Post
In my experience the kids themselves ask to do all this stuff because they have many different friends involved in different things (kids today seem more social) and want to do what they're doing. As Hilsmom suggested, we're often more the regulators who have to say when enough's enough. One of my kids who's long past college age is still "overscheduled" but as when she was little, it's entirely of her own doing.
I agree. Trying to talk my 6th grader out of joining Yet Another Club was something close to torture. Thankfully it became her decision, but it took days.
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Old 09-26-2012, 08:42 AM
 
Location: D.C.
2,867 posts, read 3,503,989 times
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I think it's a child by child case. Some kids love being on the go go go. I don't think it's unhealthy, if they're comfortable with the pace (and the parents are too, that is important). The one thing that I think gets pushed to the side in a situation where the kid's schedule dominates the family planning, is family time on a daily basis. Pushing, or allowing, a child to be competitive and/or an overachiever at the cost of the opportunity to create those personal family-only memories, is a HUGE mistake, and will certainly come back to bite everyone in the tail later in life. I say if the child wants to take on all the activities in the world, and they're happy doing so, then I support it 100%, with the caveat that family dinner is at 6pm every night, and it ain't a #5 supersized with fries.

In my line of work (which isn't unique to other lines of work), there is always this pressure on me to place my wife and kids second to the client. Miss dinner, miss tucking them in at night, so I can entertain a client at the Verizon center, or dinner, or whatever. It's a balancing act, one that I am not very good at because I know for a fact that on the morning of my first day of retirement, all that I have achieved in my career will be meaningless and will quickly fade away in the memory of my industry....except to my family. All of the sports, activities and clubs in the world that a kid can join and learn from, won't be very meaningful in real life if that child grows up to feel like those markers of their youth were really nothing more than distractions from achieving an unbreakable and unquestionable bond with their parents. I have that bond with mine, and it's because dinner was always at 6pm, and lasted at least an hour. Why am I not very good at the balancing act of my career field? Because...dinner in my house is at 6pm.

I will also say, that for a parent to get through to a child on the hard lessons and decisions of life, like staying away from drugs, knowing where that line in the sand is between getting in trouble at home, and getting in trouble in life, is to make sure that child has no distractions in their mind during those conversations. The one thing that I struggle with as a parent of two small children, is the fear that what I teach them on how to steer clear of this kind of trouble, will be trumped by peer pressure from those who haven't grasped that concept. I haven't figured out yet if a loaded schedule of activities is the right path to take. They say nothing is more dangerous than idle hands. But, they also say that it isn't your enemies that will get you into trouble, it's your friends...
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Old 09-26-2012, 08:46 AM
 
Location: Huntsville, AL
652 posts, read 1,295,664 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OrangeFish View Post
I agree. Trying to talk my 6th grader out of joining Yet Another Club was something close to torture. Thankfully it became her decision, but it took days.
The same for me ... my 4th grader is currently enrolled in 3 classes of dance, fall softball, year-round swim and piano lessons. Driving home the other night, she mentioned that she would like to try tennis. I just laughed hysterically and asked her how she thinks that would be possible.
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