Where Will I be Happy in Northern Virginia (or anywhere in the DC area) (Arlington: apartment complex, home)

[Do a Barrel Roll]

Originally Posted by Denton56

To the OP, are you certain it's a racial problem and not a personality problem? I have not seen the kind of prejudice that you describe, not around College Park, or in NOVA, and I've lived in both. Perhaps your attitude is causing problems for you? You do sound a bit on the negative side with a rather large chip on your shoulder. Just guessing here. If that's the case, you won't be a bit happier in Virginia than you are in Maryland. Just ask Scranny here. He isn't a bit happier here than he was in PA.

Remember, "No matter where you go, there YOU are".

Well after consistent signs of being unwanted, do you expect anyone to just take it up the *** and act like there's nothing wrong? Look, I've been in areas where it's less diverse and more conservative, yet the race factor was barely a factor! I wouldn't mind moving to certain places that are more homogeneous than you average city like Austin and Portland, as well as places that are slightly more conservative than your average city like San Diego and Houston. Why? Because people in those areas don't have some fear and bitterness (subtle of overt) against even the most educated and assimilated of blacks, nor do they get sticks up their ***es whenever they see a non-stereotypical black person in their neighborhoods and dating chicks of another race. As I said, the same case goes for most of outer-beltway NoVA, but those are places where single families dwell, not single young people.

This racial indifference was the case for me while in Pittsburgh, but since I've came back to DC, I can't even produce a good enough social life in order to have a dating life and get people pissed off at me for dating one of "their women." You may not know how it feels to be in my predicament, and that's one thing. But DON'T write off my situation as something that's non existent and all my fault! I'll admit to gradually building bitterness to this situation, but I damn sure don't carry the anger as an initial mindset. The straight out denial of race issues is what I consider to be much more racist than any KKK rally or dumb*** yelling some racial slur.

Not to put the "other dude" in this, but unlike him, I was happier when I was in another place - Pittsburgh in my case - when I was seen as a MAN more than being black! When I was seen as an AMERICAN more than being Black! I know what it takes for me to significantly gain my happiness back, but since the economy is in the crapper, no company from places like San Diego, Seattle, Denver, or Houston isn't really going to go out of their way to relocate, let alone give a job to a recent college graduate from Maryland. I realize I have to "play with the cards I've been dealt." I'm just trying to get advice on "how to play them" and how "not to play them." Get where I'm coming from now?

[live_strong28]

Originally Posted by pcity

Yeah, Takoma Park isn't exactly dangerous. The only way you'll get shot is if you've got a Hummer with a Bush/Cheney bumper sticker.

You might need a hummer for that hilly area during snow/ice storms.

[Denton56]

Nope, Fairfaxian, I do not see where you're coming from since the Black folks in my family, and our Black friends, have not had the problems that you describe in NOVA. And they are all well educated too. My son dated a Black girl for three years. He's blond. It was NEVER a problem, no one cared. Since they both lived in Vienna, perhaps you should move to Vienna. Another Black friend, a single, professional man, has lived in McLean for the last 15 years. He hasn't had any racial problems either. He's conservative and a Maryland grad too. So perhaps you might be ok in McLean too. (My son's ex gf dated a white guy in Reston and Reston seems ok too.)

Sorry, I can't help you more as I am just not familiar with the prejudice that you have experienced over in that backward state of Maryland. What can I say? Liberals are weird. Move to Vienna or McLean where there are more non prejudiced conservatives.

Both you and Scranny sound like you'd be happier in Pittsburgh. I hope that you can find your way back there.

[ChristineVA]

Originally Posted by Denton56

Sorry, I can't help you more as I am just not familiar with the prejudice that you have experienced over in that backward state of Maryland. What can I say? Liberals are weird. Move to Vienna or McLean where there are more non prejudiced conservatives.

As a white person who lived in Prince George's County for FAR too long, I can tell you that race issues *are* a problem over there. In BOTH directions. That doesn't mean everyone is a racist. There are great white folks and great black folks there but those great people are a definite minority. The racial tension there was so high against whites that I didn't want to live there anymore. I'm sure the tension goes both ways.

In living in Virginia, in Prince William County, the racial issues are much less. They are different, they are there, but on a much smaller scale.

[athousandlogins]

Originally Posted by Denton56

Takoma Park and Silver Spring have too many ghetto sections for a professional to want to live there.

This was not my experience at all. When I lived in Silver Spring (until 2006) it was *full* of professionals. There are a couple of apartment complexes to avoid in the area, but overall it's fine.

It's not the first time I've heard this, though. A friend of mine worked at the Discovery building in SS, and she once said she wouldn't feel safe walking around at night in my neighborhood. But really, it was fine. I think Silver Spring still suffers a lot from its image in the 80s and 90s.

[terrence81]

Figured I'd jump in. Being a "non-stereotypical" black guy myself. Can certainly see where the Fairfaxian is coming from. Not being ghetto is both a blessing and a curse. It's certainly good for getting a job and dealing with coworkers from different backgrounds. In a social sense not so much particuarly in the DC area. People just don't know what to do with someone like me. I talk too "proper" for a lot of black folks but then you have the patronizing white folks.

Not to take over or anything but here's my personal experience with race and everything in the DC area. So went into the city this weekend. I'm sipping my drink blah blah whatever. White guy starts hitting on me, not very attractive but I'm bored and could always use good conversation. Then he gives me the best pick up line ever: "You look Ethiopian." I didn't have to say a word. The look on my face said it all.

Despite the unattractiveness I was willing to see what this guy had to say but that did it. "Yet another one" I'm thinking. Of course he falls all over himself to take it back. So I forgive. He meant no malice but that isn't the first time a guy calling himself hitting on me has said that to me and it's just tiring. Now one could argue "Oh Terrence don't be so senstive. The guy didn't know and he meant almost as a compliment." Sure that's a good argument but it's symptomatic of larger issues, the first being...well, we all know what happens when we assume. It was definitely true Saturday night.

It's never been done in a way meant to be insulting but rather patronizing. I remember one guy actually said "Long live Ethiopia!" to me again this is at a bar and this is how he wants to hit on me. I politely correct him and he moves on to "Long live Somalia!" I just walked away.

I guess it's kinda funny thinking back. But at the time I was offended and the reason I was so offended because I read between the lines. I'm black, but not "stereotypical" plus I'm articulate (except at bars haha) and wear somewhat preppy but definitely non-thug clothes, so I can't possibly be African-American just African.

My point is that when you don't fall into the stereotype some people just don't know what to do with you. Whether they mean well (I realize no one calling me Ethiopian ever meant it with malice) or not it still sucks.

[irvine]

Originally Posted by terrence81

I'm black, but not "stereotypical" plus I'm articulate (except at bars haha) and wear somewhat preppy but definitely non-thug clothes, so I can't possibly be African-American just African.

My point is that when you don't fall into the stereotype some people just don't know what to do with you. Whether they mean well (I realize no one calling me Ethiopian ever meant it with malice) or not it still sucks.

It's interesting how the baggy, thug look has been replaced by skinny jeans and occasionally wallet chains (for the roughly under-25, urban crowd anyway). I saw this fashion trend way back in '05 in South Central and East LA. It's finally made it to DC... but not yet in the towns "out in the cut" like Roanoke.

[terrence81]

I guess I’ll try to get back onto the original topic. Honestly there is no magic inner-Beltway neighborhood where racism doesn't exist and everything is in racial harmony. So what to do? Find a place that will make you happy and look for cool people. Not everyone is going to make racial comments, implications or gestures. If you like Clarendon and who could blame you go for it. Claredon is my someday neighborhood. Someday I'll have some money and will make the move.

Right now I'm happy in Oakton. A lot of people are like "oh but you're so far out" but really and truly I can be just about anywhere within a half hour because I live next to 66. I can be in Clarendon in 15-20 minutes, DC: crossing the Potomac in 20 and parked in Dupont in 25. Old Town takes the longest at 30.

The one thing I will say against my hood is that there is absolutely nothing but more apartment complexes within a half mile walking distance to my apartment.

So yeah Fairfaxian if you have a car why not somewhere just outside the beltway? Vienna is really nice too. Or better yet Fairfax you won't have to change your screen name. The Clarendonian doesn't quite roll off the tongue .

[irvine]

Originally Posted by terrence81

I guess I’ll try to get back onto the original topic. Honestly there is no magic inner-Beltway neighborhood where racism doesn't exist and everything is in racial harmony. So what to do? Find a place that will make you happy and look for cool people. Not everyone is going to make racial comments, implications or gestures. If you like Clarendon and who could blame you go for it. Claredon is my someday neighborhood. Someday I'll have some money and will make the move.

Right now I'm happy in Oakton. A lot of people are like "oh but you're so far out" but really and truly I can be just about anywhere within a half hour because I live next to 66. I can be in Clarendon in 15-20 minutes, DC: crossing the Potomac in 20 and parked in Dupont in 25. Old Town takes the longest at 30.

The one thing I will say against my hood is that there is absolutely nothing but more apartment complexes within a half mile walking distance to my apartment.

So yeah Fairfaxian if you have a car why not somewhere just outside the beltway? Vienna is really nice too. Or better yet Fairfax you won't have to change your screen name. The Clarendonian doesn't quite roll off the tongue .

You are much more tolerant of the outer suburbs than I could ever be. I'd rather slum it in a sketchy part of Mt. Pleasant or South Arlington. When I have a family, only then will I consider more suburban areas.

(generalizing here--not tryin to knock anyone's neighborhood)

[JD984]

It does seem like people who don't fit in a more convenient category for others are more likely to be asked "what are you?" The question may be well-intentioned and reflect curiosity, but then again, most folks aren't asked on a regular basis basically to define themselves to strangers or new acquaintances. I will say that, as people get older, those questions tend to taper off because "what are you" gets replaced by "so which one is your kid" and the DC perennial "so what do you do for a living."

Good luck finding the right place and the right person.

Irvine - You're showing your inner suburb here. South Arlington actually has quite a few more sketchy parts than Mt. Pleasant, most of which is a historic district.