Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You need to stick around, stay open, and prove yourself over time to get to a deeper level with people.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dthraco
Over time, once they see you will be around for a while and that you are real, the walls start coming down and people are happy to see you.
2 very key points, so you need to go back to another anime club meeting and stick around, and join in the activities.
You may need to go 5 or 6 times before the walls come down, eventually they will.
You've already found an activity that your interested in, that's your common bond there. STICK TO IT!!!
Being uncomfortable is a common human trait.
No worries brah, garans bumbye you be ok.
I feel like I really have tried to embrace the culture and hawaii here. Already I am starting to talk pigeon without trying. But I think it is the fact that I am a VERY big guy. I am 6'4, 320 lbs. People may be afraid of me or something. My co-workers are always asking me if I played football and if you met me you would swear I am military. Let me give an example of my experience making friends in hawaii.
I went to a anime club meeting in aiea. I was very friendly and went around to different people and talked about anime, but the rest of the group was kinda cold but not in a rude way. They talked for about 2 minutes and then silence. I went around and introduced myself and people said hello, and welcome and went about their way. The head of the club did not introduce me or ask the others to introduce themselves. So when the anime started, 15 minutes in, I felt uncomfortable and me and my wife left.
A friend/co-worker I think put it best how the passive/aggressive way is here in hawaii. They will smile and be very polite to your face but when you turn your back they kick you. And when you turn around to see who kicked you, it's just them smiling.....
I honestly feel like a local too.... When me and my wife went to a chinese restaurant yesterday, their were 2 aa guys talking. You can tell by their build and their stories they were military. But almost instantly we sparked up conversation. Laughed about things, and had much in common. But when our food was ready, I told my wife let's go. She asked why don't you try to make friends with these guys. I told her no. Due to the fact they were military and one was already going back to the mainland next year. "And he said he was ready to go." I find locals do not want to make friends with military here because the friendship will be cut short. I personally, I understand that.
But, I think I am a victim of that truism as well. :-(
I am kind of a geek myself and to be honest, most of the people I ended up being friends with in Honolulu were other transplants. My wife is local and I made some good friendships with locals as well, but that was just the way it hashed out. I didn't go to high school there, I didn't have extended family there, it wasn't my culture, and I found that I had more in common a lot of the time with other transplants. Even my local friends were mostly from outer island (maui) that I met at work or UH. None of us had the family obligations that people who are from Oahu had so we were free to just chill, play xbox, surf, golf, play basketball, and cruise at the beach. So I guess my point is... I don't recommend focusing on meeting locals, just try to meet whoever shares some interests with you.
As a general statement, anytime you move to a new area you have to realize that the folks that are from there have their social plate pretty full already. College towns and places with lots of young professionals can be easier to make friends but living in the suburbs surrounded by families can be tough. Most have been living their lives long before you got there. Hawaii is no different than other places in that regard, and in some ways it might be worse than most, because most work multiple jobs and there is somewhat of a small town mentality where extended family and school ties are really important. So you have to be patient and keep at it.
As far as your experience at the Anime club goes... Folks in Honolulu at first may seem overtly friendly (as you alluded to with the "smiling" comment) but that is mostly due (in my opinion) to a culture that places more value on showing face and appearing nice than a lot of other U.S. cities. It is almost like moving to Savanna or Charleston or the midwest somewhere. It doesn't mean that the people actually are any nicer, it is just protocol. People are people, don't expect more or less than you would anywhere else just because you are in the "aloha" state. You get all kinds out there, just like anywhere else. An anime club in Honolulu is probably full of a broad spectrum of folks just like anywhere else, and no doubt some of them are a bit socially awkward. I'm sure you would make some friends there if you kept going back.
Like others have said, if you keep at it you will find some folks that want to hang out. Try not to get discouraged!
I don't believe that is true. Most people I know do have friends at work, but they are not their friends outside of work.
Agreed. For many people their so-called "friends" at work are really just acquaintances. You'll have lunch together, maybe have a beer together after work, but rarely see each other outside.
More often, I think, people meet friends through some affinty group, whether formal or informal. Church groups, community center groups, school groups, hobby groups. Or through existing friends.
Agreed. For many people their so-called "friends" at work are really just acquaintances. You'll have lunch together, maybe have a beer together after work, but rarely see each other outside.
More often, I think, people meet friends through some affinty group, whether formal or informal. Church groups, community center groups, school groups, hobby groups. Or through existing friends.
Yup and I don't think it's really that wise to have close friends at work because then you lose the respect at work. People may try to slack off or get one over on you because you're friends.
I met my friends in Hawaii through www.meetin.org but the group isn't as active as they were when I lived there. I met my friends here in Syracuse through a Meetup group. It starts out as just going to events and such, but we basically formed our own circle off of that group.
I had a similar experience at the surf breaks I go to. Over time, once they see you will be around for a while and that you are real, the walls start coming down and people are happy to see you. Since I like to visit different breaks, I often get, "Haven't seen you in a while, thought you left." To which I respond, "Great to see you too, I just like to mix it up and ride different breaks every now and then, how you been?"
NOTE: I am talking about adults here. I don't interact with children or adult children very much.
I had similar experiences, although some spots are way more territorial than others. Canoes, Pops, Paradise, Tongs, and Tennis Courts were real chill and I eventually made friends at those breaks. But Kaisers, Kewalos, and Bowls were a different story... but you tend to get the better surfers over there which I think had a lot to do with it.
I've got a funny story about surfing south shore. I used to surf at concessions or tennis courts at ala moana a lot before I made some local friends that surfed. Every time I went to concessions it seemed like I would have these two guys that would always paddle behind me and make it hard for me to get waves. One would go right and one would go left on smaller days when it was peaky or they would sit outside with their longboards on bigger days and snag every wave I went for.
Long story short, they turned out to be my (future wife at the time) wife's cousins... LOL. I went to a family dinner, saw them there, and was like WTF!!! We ended up having a good laugh about it when it was all said and done but it was really frustrating at the time and they admitted that they were messing with me because I was new and that was there regular spot. I guess that is just part of paying your dues out there. haha
I was reading what you wrote and I said to myself finally that I can agree with you. I' am African American relocating for my job in Oahu. I find it is very hard to network and find someone that can really tell me the good and bad in Hawaii. Still searching for an affordable apartment in Oahu myself.
I was reading what you wrote and I said to myself finally that I can agree with you. I' am African American relocating for my job in Oahu. I find it is very hard to network and find someone that can really tell me the good and bad in Hawaii. Still searching for an affordable apartment in Oahu myself.
Well, you've come to the right place to learn the good and bad about living in Hawaii. There are many, many threads here that will tell you everything you need to know.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Moving to Oahu
