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Old 06-22-2013, 05:53 PM
 
Location: Pawnee Nation
7,525 posts, read 16,912,315 times
Reputation: 7110

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Atlguy, you probably don't care to hear from me, but try a book store if you are looking to hook up for more than a night. Bookstores are really neat places to meet people. Find a section you are interested in and browse. If you find someone you might like to chat with, it is easy to ask their opinion on a book or what book deals with what subject or any of a number of ice breakers. If there is a connection, most bookstores now have a coffee bar where you can get acquainted even further. A couple of important advantages to a book store.......if they are in an aisle you have an interest in, you automatically have something in common. As an example if you are more pagan than Christian chances are the customer in the Bible and Religious aisle is not for you. On the other hand if you are wanting to learn more about yoga, that fit young thing four books down might be persuaded to give private lessons. Barnes and Noble as well as Hastings can be places where social contacts can be made. Another is that it is often a lonely person looking for a book to read. they tend to be open for conversation. When a person is browsing they are generally not in a hurry. If they are browsing in the evening it generally means no kids at home (most women will not hire a baby sitter so they can shop for a book).

Also shop Sprouts or Whole Foods for groceries........again you can get lots of free advice from the shopper next to you that can turn into a coffee date.

Do things that you find interesting. Do things that pique your curiosity. Do things that you have to do (like shop for food) in places that are "target rich." Places that emphasize price and volume are almost never good places. there is a reason there is a "people of walmart" website. Never do things to hook up unless you go someplace where desperate women go get drunk so they can convince themselves they are easy because they drank too much.........and frankly, in my 65 years experience I always found that a gal I could spend the night with hanging out in a bar really wasn't the kind of woman I wanted to spend that much time with.
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Old 06-22-2013, 06:15 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,353 posts, read 5,767,707 times
Reputation: 6561
Goodpasture, its not that I don't want suggestions from you, but you did insult me in an earlier post. I happen to agree with you on these suggestions and have done them. I was just at Barnes and Noble today, after going to the gym. There weren't any opportunities there. Spent about an hour there.

I do shop at Sprouts and Whole Foods, just not regularly because of cost. They are target rich though, I give you that.

I'm kind of shy, and the approach is so hard for me that I just don't do it. Thats why I don't even try in bars, but also because of what you said.

Anyway, I'll just keep doing those things I'm already doing and hope something good happens I guess. I'm also involved in these meetup groups (Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup) and force myself to get out and do things. One thing I am doing is planning a vacation because I need one. I need to get out of this city for a week. Its driving me nuts. In the meantime, I keep trying to meet people and hope the situation improves.
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Old 06-22-2013, 06:50 PM
 
Location: Stillwater, Oklahoma
30,976 posts, read 21,484,883 times
Reputation: 9675
Quote:
Originally Posted by okcpulse View Post
I can tell you the scenery in Edmond and NW OKC is very nice. The women are fit as well.
Wow, very few fat women go to the Wal-Marts in that neck of the woods?
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Old 06-23-2013, 12:12 PM
 
Location: The edge of the world and all of Western civilization
984 posts, read 1,184,717 times
Reputation: 1691
Atlguy, I see two sides in what you're writing (and I want to emphasize that I'm sympathetic to your situation):

One is that you're lonely and have a lot of love to give someone.

The other, based on comments you've made, is that OKC isn't a good fit for you. When I lived in Asia, about eight or nine months into my contract things were starting to irk me more. Around that time I came across an interesting statement the Department of State put out, which basically said that when things about the local culture start to aggravate you it's time to go, and that it's no fault of your own but an indication that you needn't be there anymore.

In the end, I think it's important you prioritize the two because of the long-term consequences of both. It's entirely possible that a relationship in Oklahoma would ground you here. Would you be okay with that? Or would you rather go somewhere with a larger population (which ultimately means more personalities to choose from to better complement your own.) I moved here just over two years ago and it definitely isn't my kind of place. I have a job doing exactly what I want to do with my life, which translates to appropriate work experience... and that was really hurting my chances of finding work in a city I'd rather call home. My long-term plan is to build up savings and work experience then revisit moving in a couple years. However, the sacrifice I have to make in the meantime is to not even entertain the idea of dating/finding love. I've had plenty of opportunities, but I reject each one instantly. To me, being in a relationship here would be like putting a band-aid on a deep gash. All things related to an eventual move are the only priority for me, e.g. savings, work experience, resume polish, etc. By that, I mean that I don't do things I did before moving here: volunteer work, be more open to friendships, get involved in the community/local politics, etc. You may not need to go to that extreme, but I'm doing what works for me in preventing myself from developing any sort of roots that could ultimately keep me here.

Anyway it's worth repeating, which is more important to you: find love and possibly never leave Oklahoma, or find a place you could call home and seek love there?
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Old 06-23-2013, 12:26 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,353 posts, read 5,767,707 times
Reputation: 6561
Quote:
Originally Posted by dvxhd View Post
Atlguy, I see two sides in what you're writing (and I want to emphasize that I'm sympathetic to your situation):

One is that you're lonely and have a lot of love to give someone.

The other, based on comments you've made, is that OKC isn't a good fit for you. When I lived in Asia, about eight or nine months into my contract things were starting to irk me more. Around that time I came across an interesting statement the Department of State put out, which basically said that when things about the local culture start to aggravate you it's time to go, and that it's no fault of your own but an indication that you needn't be there anymore.

In the end, I think it's important you prioritize the two because of the long-term consequences of both. It's entirely possible that a relationship in Oklahoma would ground you here. Would you be okay with that? Or would you rather go somewhere with a larger population (which ultimately means more personalities to choose from to better complement your own.) I moved here just over two years ago and it definitely isn't my kind of place. I have a job doing exactly what I want to do with my life, which translates to appropriate work experience... and that was really hurting my chances of finding work in a city I'd rather call home. My long-term plan is to build up savings and work experience then revisit moving in a couple years. However, the sacrifice I have to make in the meantime is to not even entertain the idea of dating/finding love. I've had plenty of opportunities, but I reject each one instantly. To me, being in a relationship here would be like putting a band-aid on a deep gash. All things related to an eventual move are the only priority for me, e.g. savings, work experience, resume polish, etc. By that, I mean that I don't do things I did before moving here: volunteer work, be more open to friendships, get involved in the community/local politics, etc. You may not need to go to that extreme, but I'm doing what works for me in preventing myself from developing any sort of roots that could ultimately keep me here.

Anyway it's worth repeating, which is more important to you: find love and possibly never leave Oklahoma, or find a place you could call home and seek love there?
Your advice isn't lost on me, believe me. The one huge caveat is I work for a great company. This is the type of company you want to spend your career at. After all the struggles of the last 10+ years to find a job like this, I don't know how I can consider moving, even in a year or 2. In other words, I hit the career lottery. So I have to figure out how to make it work here. The only other option (which isn't likely to be one) is to ask to work remotely and move back to Atlanta or maybe Dallas since that is a 3 hour commute and would be a compromise on my part. I could drive up frequently for meetings and such.

Like you, I've turned down countless dating opportunities because the women weren't attractive. Not only that, but they had several kids and obviously didn't want more (nor would I want to raise someone else's kids). I've decided I'll date a woman with one kid if she's open to more and the kid is pretty young. I've had one such opportunity, and evidently I blew it somehow.

So this is really hard. I feel truly stuck, like it would be career suicide to leave. So where does that leave me? I don't know, maybe I'll just eventually accept being alone here with very few friends and just be thankful for the career. I think there will always be a void. I'll try to fill it with volunteer work, frequent travel, and just staying as busy as possible. But, if by some miracle, I do meet a great woman, I'll make OKC work for me (I'll do that somehow regardless) and be less likely to want to move. As ridiculous as it sounds, I want to live in the burbs with a family and have that be my life, rather than constantly forcing myself to get out of my house in the hopes of meeting someone. Its exhausting.
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Old 06-23-2013, 01:19 PM
 
Location: The edge of the world and all of Western civilization
984 posts, read 1,184,717 times
Reputation: 1691
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
Your advice isn't lost on me, believe me. The one huge caveat is I work for a great company. This is the type of company you want to spend your career at. After all the struggles of the last 10+ years to find a job like this, I don't know how I can consider moving, even in a year or 2. In other words, I hit the career lottery. So I have to figure out how to make it work here. The only other option (which isn't likely to be one) is to ask to work remotely and move back to Atlanta or maybe Dallas since that is a 3 hour commute and would be a compromise on my part. I could drive up frequently for meetings and such.

Like you, I've turned down countless dating opportunities because the women weren't attractive. Not only that, but they had several kids and obviously didn't want more (nor would I want to raise someone else's kids). I've decided I'll date a woman with one kid if she's open to more and the kid is pretty young. I've had one such opportunity, and evidently I blew it somehow.

So this is really hard. I feel truly stuck, like it would be career suicide to leave. So where does that leave me? I don't know, maybe I'll just eventually accept being alone here with very few friends and just be thankful for the career. I think there will always be a void. I'll try to fill it with volunteer work, frequent travel, and just staying as busy as possible. But, if by some miracle, I do meet a great woman, I'll make OKC work for me (I'll do that somehow regardless) and be less likely to want to move. As ridiculous as it sounds, I want to live in the burbs with a family and have that be my life, rather than constantly forcing myself to get out of my house in the hopes of meeting someone. Its exhausting.
I understand where you're coming from with the career angle. I've worked at places I thought were great, but ultimately left because I wanted to know if I could find better. Obviously it was a crapshoot, as I left a good company for a better one, then downgraded, downgraded further, upgraded, downgraded, upgraded exponentially, etc. I guess it's just my personality to be curious as to what is on the other side. And that is in all areas of life, be that work, travel, a hometown and such.

I have turned down unattractive and attractive people, but it's solely because they will inevitably conflict with my goals. I've had a few previous relationships in which the other and I just didn't share the same outlook on where we wanted to live... either I wasn't willing to move, or they weren't willing to move to where I was going. I read an interesting book by Richard Florida that relates cities to romantic partners. He argues that you wouldn't marry someone you didn't know, nor would you marry someone too different from you. So why would you not consider that logic in where you want to live? For me, nowhere in Oklahoma has much of what I want out of a home. When people try to "open my eyes" to what it has to offer, I tell them what I want and they realize that it really can't suit my needs and wants. Based on past experience, I fear that getting involved with someone here would inevitably lead to a break-up. When the time comes to move, I don't have faith that they would follow, and I don't feel it's right for me to waste anyone's time when the relationship is doomed from the beginning and they could use that time to find someone with more similar goals. As a side note, I'm always honest about my intentions and people here seem to take that as a cowardly excuse to reject them.

It sounds like you have your goals set, but I wonder if the preoccupation with finding someone hinders your progress. As I understand it, there is merit to that saying that you find someone when you aren't looking. The reason is that when you actively look for a relationship, you always consider that list of things you want in someone and scrutinize potential partners. In other words, someone who would be a good fit for you may not be considered because of heavily focusing on an ideal.

It might be a difference in our personalities, but is "making OKC work" a good idea? Back to that aforementioned book, it would be like asking if you would marry someone who wants to go out every night without you and stay out until dawn. If you could genuinely be happy here, great. But I wouldn't force it. I'm focused on work at the moment too, but the times outside of the office are miserable. I guess the short answer is that you should pursue what will make you the happiest.
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Old 06-23-2013, 02:20 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC (in my mind)
7,943 posts, read 17,185,561 times
Reputation: 4680
Quote:
Originally Posted by dvxhd View Post

It might be a difference in our personalities, but is "making OKC work" a good idea? Back to that aforementioned book, it would be like asking if you would marry someone who wants to go out every night without you and stay out until dawn. If you could genuinely be happy here, great. But I wouldn't force it. I'm focused on work at the moment too, but the times outside of the office are miserable. I guess the short answer is that you should pursue what will make you the happiest.
I completely understand what you are saying. I am not too fond of OKC myself and have been really trying to force myself to like it lately but have still been coming up short. However, if somebody knows they are going to be in OKC for the foreseeable future, it helps to try to make the best of it you can. Sometimes packing up and moving isn't a real option.
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Old 06-23-2013, 03:12 PM
 
Location: The edge of the world and all of Western civilization
984 posts, read 1,184,717 times
Reputation: 1691
Quote:
Originally Posted by bchris02 View Post
I completely understand what you are saying. I am not too fond of OKC myself and have been really trying to force myself to like it lately but have still been coming up short. However, if somebody knows they are going to be in OKC for the foreseeable future, it helps to try to make the best of it you can. Sometimes packing up and moving isn't a real option.
I've tried to make the most of it, but it's hard having come from cities with far more availability. It would be akin to OKC people being accustomed to life here, then moving to one of those towns in the panhandle. All the things they appreciate about life here would vanish in an instant. For some reason I just can't adjust to it, which is odd because I'm typically a highly-adaptable person. While I can manage a couple more years here, I can't spend the rest of my life in Oklahoma. Given my age, that would probably be another 50 years or more and it's extraordinarily unlikely this town will blossom into a place I would love in that time. Most of what I want is directly tied to a large population, and assuming OKC's growth rate remains consistent it would take roughly 250 years to hit 5 million people. Something tells me I won't live to see that. To hit that number earlier, OKC would have to shift to growth similar to what Atlanta, Miami and Phoenix experienced... however a lot of that would have to do with what people want and where they want to live, and I don't think that will happen here any time soon because of the negative perception. I know it isn't easy to just pack up and move, which is why I have a long-term plan in place and am not open to anything that could intervene with that.
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Old 06-23-2013, 04:13 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC (in my mind)
7,943 posts, read 17,185,561 times
Reputation: 4680
Quote:
Originally Posted by dvxhd View Post
I've tried to make the most of it, but it's hard having come from cities with far more availability. It would be akin to OKC people being accustomed to life here, then moving to one of those towns in the panhandle. All the things they appreciate about life here would vanish in an instant. For some reason I just can't adjust to it, which is odd because I'm typically a highly-adaptable person. While I can manage a couple more years here, I can't spend the rest of my life in Oklahoma. Given my age, that would probably be another 50 years or more and it's extraordinarily unlikely this town will blossom into a place I would love in that time. Most of what I want is directly tied to a large population, and assuming OKC's growth rate remains consistent it would take roughly 250 years to hit 5 million people. Something tells me I won't live to see that. To hit that number earlier, OKC would have to shift to growth similar to what Atlanta, Miami and Phoenix experienced... however a lot of that would have to do with what people want and where they want to live, and I don't think that will happen here any time soon because of the negative perception. I know it isn't easy to just pack up and move, which is why I have a long-term plan in place and am not open to anything that could intervene with that.
I agree with what you are saying. For me, Charlotte was the perfect size, at slightly over 2 million, so while my standards aren't as high as yours, it has been very difficult for me to adapt to OKC as well. Also, OKC, despite all its improvements over the last decade, still stacks up very poorly against other cities its size in terms of cultural amenities so that makes it seem even worse when coming from a larger city, be it one of 2 million of one of 5 million. OKC will likely never see the kind of growth places like Atlanta or Phoenix experienced due to its national stereotype, but it might be surprising to know that its becoming more and more common for people to relocate to OKC from out of state. It's good you have a long term plan on getting out. For me its not so easy but every situation is different.

The good thing for me is I think OKC, with its current growth and downtown improvements, can match my standards within a decade if the current trends continue.
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Old 06-23-2013, 04:13 PM
 
Location: Deep Dirty South
5,190 posts, read 5,309,372 times
Reputation: 3863
Quote:
Originally Posted by dvxhd View Post
I've tried to make the most of it, but it's hard having come from cities with far more availability. It would be akin to OKC people being accustomed to life here, then moving to one of those towns in the panhandle. All the things they appreciate about life here would vanish in an instant. For some reason I just can't adjust to it, which is odd because I'm typically a highly-adaptable person. While I can manage a couple more years here, I can't spend the rest of my life in Oklahoma. Given my age, that would probably be another 50 years or more and it's extraordinarily unlikely this town will blossom into a place I would love in that time. Most of what I want is directly tied to a large population, and assuming OKC's growth rate remains consistent it would take roughly 250 years to hit 5 million people. Something tells me I won't live to see that. To hit that number earlier, OKC would have to shift to growth similar to what Atlanta, Miami and Phoenix experienced... however a lot of that would have to do with what people want and where they want to live, and I don't think that will happen here any time soon because of the negative perception. I know it isn't easy to just pack up and move, which is why I have a long-term plan in place and am not open to anything that could intervene with that.
I totally hear what you are saying. I've lived all over, but have spent more time in Oklahoma than anywhere. I returned with my family to Oklahoma late last year from 8 years away and ended up (not intentionally) settling in OKC for now. I have spent a great deal of time in OKC over the years and used to work here several years back (while I was living in Norman) but I find I do not really enjoy living here.

However, I DO want to say that as I spend more time here, I have come to find more little patches of the city that I like. The Village is nice..the tiny Paseo "district"...several nice neighborhoods and business centers here and there, and parts of downtown I have discovered I quite like and enjoy.

The trouble is, I'll find one of these areas and think "Hey! This is pretty swell!" and then, within a mile or so, I'm back in some ragged ghetto area or abandoned and ugly industrial wasteland or boarded up neighborhoods and strip malls, etc. It can get depressing. To get to the areas I like you have to go through a whole bunch of ugly.

But for me, the major problems with OKC are rather the opposite of yours. I find that the older I get, the less I want to be in a city or live right around hundreds of thousands of people or more. I appreciate the cultural amenities large cities (other than OKC) often have, and I like to have access to them, but I don't have to, or care to live among them in the middle of things.

My wife and I have never owned a home. We are in our mid-40s now. I've spent my entire life moving, never living in one place more than three years.

We are both pretty tired of that. We are to the point where we want to buy a home (preferably with some land) and transfer out of the metro area to a more rural county that would be fairly easily accessible to either OKC or Tulsa.

We don't necessarily intend to remain in Oklahoma forever, though I would be okay with that under the right circumstances. But for now, my wife's mother is in a nursing home here in OKC, my stepson and his family are in Norman (though they are moving to Tulsa soon since he got a promotion) and my own parents live in Tulsa and Tahlequah.

My wife, kids and I will likely be in Oklahoma for a decade or two at least.

When our folks go, we may move back to Oregon, or possibly Arizona or Colorado. There are large swaths of California we love, but I doubt we could afford to live there comfortably with the tax structure, cost-of-living in general, etc.

It may be that we remain in Oklahoma for good, but just take a lot of vacations whenever we can. Who knows?

I can say that I spent a lot of my youth railing against "Okieness" and wanted only to bust out of the state. I managed to do that several times, but something always caused me to return. I have a much more pleasant feeling with Oklahoma now, and a much more positive relationship with it. I'm at peace with it (although I still detest the Summer heat and humidity here.)

I've lived in states I prefer, but I know from experience that are lots of places I consider worse. There is actually a lot to recommend Oklahoma.
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