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Old 12-11-2017, 11:02 AM
 
760 posts, read 427,180 times
Reputation: 2925

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Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal View Post
You aren't required to put your address on your resume. Name, email, and phone number will suffice. Apply and be prepared to drive or fly on your own dime unless it's a job important enough to offer relocation.
While it's true that you don't need to put an address on your resume (though most people do in the interest of full disclosure), I've found that the resume got me the initial phone call where they extend an interview invitation. Then was immediately emailed an application to fill out and send back before the formal interview. At that point, you will need an address for the application, and that can easily be checked with various background verification methods.

Technology has made fact checking far too easy now, and makes lying very risky or unsuccessful.

I wouldn't want to start things off with a big, fat lie that I may have to defend now or worse, come back to haunt me later.

Just be careful here.

 
Old 12-11-2017, 12:51 PM
 
Location: United States of Jerry Falwell
11,415 posts, read 5,038,465 times
Reputation: 9280
Quote:
Originally Posted by projectmaximus View Post
I can empathize with you, as I'm the same age, left a similar home town the same time you did, and returned to a similar situation in '09 where I was satisfied and in a practical spot (job, family, network all strong) but longing to be back in a big city. Like you, I stuck around and never made the jump and I really regret it. But for me there were two different factors at play...for one, Jax was only my base and I was on the road between 30 and 40% of the time. Secondly, I had the resources and the opportunity to leave so that's what really is the basis for my regret. If I were in your shoes it's possible I'd feel differently. I guess there's a third difference between us, and that is that I really like Jax a lot. It has many obvious shortcomings, but I love the city, got very involved, and rooted passionately for its progress. So while on one hand I'm sure I could have had more excitement somewhere else in my late 20s, I also don't see it as a blackhole of lost time at all.

Anyway, I just offered my background to provide color for my comments. I feel for ya, and I really think you should do your best to get out if it's just not for you. I don't think you have to be quite so methodical and cautious...you can afford to take a risk cause this is your only lifetime and it's passing you by. But I also do think that you need to prepare yourself mentally, emotionally, and financially (which it sounds like you are far along that path already) and I would also advise you identify more intentionally your potential landing spots. I don't think you should just go to any other city that's a little bigger. You really need to make sure you are jumping to a significantly better situation and that it really is likely to be a city you enjoy.

Good luck!!
Great points here and thanks for this reply.

It's definitely a difficult decision in terms of staying in a situation that is practical but you aren't genuinely happy in vs taking risks and being able to live life to its fullest. What I keep going back to, especially since moving at the current time would be so risky, is the saying "wherever you go there you are." On paper my life has never been better. Ideally, I wish I could find a way to be happy in my current situation as that would be much easier than risking everything to move with no job.

I go back to the question of if the real source of my unhappiness is my geography or if it's something else. I know where I live contributes to it. For starters, I am gay, closeted, have an extremely homophobic family, and suffering from religious trauma syndrome and living here in the buckle of the Bible Belt where fundamentalist Christianity is inescapable and seems to run everything can sometimes get very toxic. Even though OKC punches far below its weight as a city, it's not exactly a small town either. It has liberal pockets and there are gay bars. OKC is easily the least gay friendly "major" city in the country, but it's still much better than the rural South. With that said, I have given this place over five years and have done my best to try to make the best of the situation and I still can't shake my distaste for this city. Like you said though, I want to make sure that wherever I end up next is going to put me in a significantly better situation.

My big regret is purchasing the car. That was the decision that basically trapped me here. If I had not bought it, I would have moved long ago. However, the car eats up most of my disposable income that could otherwise be saved to prepare for a move. If I could get $15,000 in the bank, I could and would move without a job.
 
Old 12-11-2017, 12:57 PM
 
Location: Dallas, TX and Las Vegas, NV
6,207 posts, read 4,981,107 times
Reputation: 13516
Have you talked with a therapist? It would be profoundly sad if you don’t ever come out, but living in the same town with your homophobic family takes courage and great thought. Of course you have considered all that. Moving would allow you to come out more easily. How long can you deny who you are?

This applies to many situations
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0H5chfbcWtY
 
Old 12-11-2017, 01:07 PM
 
15,246 posts, read 17,404,178 times
Reputation: 25475
Quote:
Originally Posted by bawac34618 View Post
Great points here and thanks for this reply.

It's definitely a difficult decision in terms of staying in a situation that is practical but you aren't genuinely happy in vs taking risks and being able to live life to its fullest. What I keep going back to, especially since moving at the current time would be so risky, is the saying "wherever you go there you are." On paper my life has never been better. Ideally, I wish I could find a way to be happy in my current situation as that would be much easier than risking everything to move with no job.

I go back to the question of if the real source of my unhappiness is my geography or if it's something else. I know where I live contributes to it. For starters, I am gay, closeted, have an extremely homophobic family, and suffering from religious trauma syndrome and living here in the buckle of the Bible Belt where fundamentalist Christianity is inescapable and seems to run everything can sometimes get very toxic. Even though OKC punches far below its weight as a city, it's not exactly a small town either. It has liberal pockets and there are gay bars. OKC is easily the least gay friendly "major" city in the country, but it's still much better than the rural South. With that said, I have given this place over five years and have done my best to try to make the best of the situation and I still can't shake my distaste for this city. Like you said though, I want to make sure that wherever I end up next is going to put me in a significantly better situation.

My big regret is purchasing the car. That was the decision that basically trapped me here. If I had not bought it, I would have moved long ago. However, the car eats up most of my disposable income that could otherwise be saved to prepare for a move. If I could get $15,000 in the bank, I could and would move without a job.
Just start applying for jobs in cities that you're interested in and see what happens. You might be right about their not hiring unless you're local, or you might be wrong. But you won't know until you try. Are you in the sort of job where a headhunter might be helpful? And yeah, you might not like it as much, but at least you'd get to be you. And you might love it.

OR, come out as gay to your family and community and see what happens, unless you think they might be physically violent. And if you think they'd be violent, that's another reason to leave.

I know your car payment is high and you feel like it's hindering you, but I think you're using it as an excuse to justify your fear of the unknown. There's no shame in the fear itself, but owning up to it might help you make a decision.
 
Old 12-11-2017, 01:17 PM
 
Location: United States of Jerry Falwell
11,415 posts, read 5,038,465 times
Reputation: 9280
Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas View Post
Have you talked with a therapist? It would be profoundly sad if you don’t ever come out, but living in the same town with your homophobic family takes courage and great thought. Of course you have considered all that. Moving would allow you to come out more easily. How long can you deny who you are?

This applies to many situations

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0H5chfbcWtY
I think one of my New Years resolutions is to see a therapist. I have been out before and had a nice life. My homophobic family sabotaged my life though and manipulated me into renouncing my sexuality and moving back to Oklahoma and doing conversion therapy (long story for another thread). It wasn't until this year that I could actually say the words "I'm gay" again.
 
Old 12-11-2017, 01:47 PM
 
4,796 posts, read 3,511,761 times
Reputation: 7301
I wouldn't voluntarily get your car repoed in you situation. Many potential employers run background and credit checks these days. While having one bad mark like that might not prevent you from getting a job it may if it comes down to you and someone else who has a spotless record. I would sell the car privately for as much as you can get and eat the difference (assuming it's $1000 or so). Or see what kind of a deal you can get on a trade in for a really cheap car. You'll still be rolling negative equity into a new loan but if you get something that would be like $99/mo payment you may have to pay $200/mo but that's still better then $450 and will allow you to save more toward move. If you can find a cheap enough area to move then $8k might be enough to get you started. But I know where I live that would be gone in 2 months if you didn't find a job immediately.
 
Old 12-11-2017, 06:15 PM
 
Location: Miami-Jax
6,762 posts, read 7,484,153 times
Reputation: 3841
Quote:
Originally Posted by bawac34618 View Post
I go back to the question of if the real source of my unhappiness is my geography or if it's something else. I know where I live contributes to it. For starters, I am gay, closeted, have an extremely homophobic family, and suffering from religious trauma syndrome and living here in the buckle of the Bible Belt where fundamentalist Christianity is inescapable and seems to run everything can sometimes get very toxic. Even though OKC punches far below its weight as a city, it's not exactly a small town either. It has liberal pockets and there are gay bars. OKC is easily the least gay friendly "major" city in the country, but it's still much better than the rural South. With that said, I have given this place over five years and have done my best to try to make the best of the situation and I still can't shake my distaste for this city. Like you said though, I want to make sure that wherever I end up next is going to put me in a significantly better situation.
Ah! Well there is a very drastic underlying issue with your life and happiness back home. That makes it much much more complex and I think you should really take much more into consideration than just a city's amenities. Do you have any close friends or family that you talk to? That you can confide in?

Quote:
Originally Posted by bawac34618 View Post
I think one of my New Years resolutions is to see a therapist. I have been out before and had a nice life. My homophobic family sabotaged my life though and manipulated me into renouncing my sexuality and moving back to Oklahoma and doing conversion therapy (long story for another thread). It wasn't until this year that I could actually say the words "I'm gay" again.
Wow I am sorry to hear this. That sucks. You deserve to be yourself and be happy with that. I really hope you can find a network or existing friends/family to help you through this.
 
Old 12-12-2017, 06:25 AM
 
Location: Florida
2,591 posts, read 1,137,755 times
Reputation: 7342
In the big picture, what’s two more years? Wait it out, pay the car off, and then take off if you still feel that way. You will be just 34 years old then, plenty young enough to start over.
 
Old 12-12-2017, 08:16 AM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
10,233 posts, read 9,096,611 times
Reputation: 22657
I agree with Dallas.

I don't know what you make but $450 isn't that huge of a car payment.

Get a second part time job and use that money to pay off your car.
 
Old 12-13-2017, 11:45 AM
 
Location: New Orleans, LA
1,753 posts, read 3,263,931 times
Reputation: 3044
Quote:
Originally Posted by bawac34618 View Post
Problem is that if I don't move without a job, I probably am never moving.
You can keep looking for a job elsewhere (hint: https://www.usajobs.gov/). You can network and try to keep in contact with people who can help you find a good job elsewhere. Or, you can "marry well" and move where your spouse moves, or you can move when you retire. Or, you can develop some sort of secondary internet based income that you can take with you and that would be enough to live on until you get a better job in the new location. Then pay off the car using that extra income before you move.

There are many options that you may have other than just moving without a job. Remember, many nice middle class people have never really had the luxury of choosing where to live. They live where the job is.

As for the problems of a gay person living in a Bible Belt location, well, that is understandably difficult. One thing's for sure; if you can develop ways to deal with obstacles you encounter there, that is a good skill to have in your situation and may help you throughout your life even if you are dealing with lesser obstacles in a more gay friendly location.

If you are absolutely bound and determined to move without a job, then my suggestion is to save up six months' living expenses plus enough to pay to move back, before you do it.
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