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I am a lifelong Orange County resident, but I still feel like I don't belong here, despite living in the same Irvine neighborhood for 15 years.
Maybe it's because all my extended family are in Hong Kong and the UK. But I find that while not hostile, people here don't want to talk to you unless you're their relatives or very close friends. Sure, they might be very sociable towards their family, but you can't expect any hospitality if you're outside of their circle.
Over here, the mentality is that everyone turns to their large, supportive, extended family for socializing and life help. If you don't have one, you're on your own.
And we have so many transplants in Irvine (like Chinese immigrant investors). Not a bad thing, but you know, they leave before you can even say hi. And for whatever reason, everyone moves off to the East Coast for college... and never comes back to SoCal.
I get what you mean by cliquish but since moving here a year and a half ago we’ve made some great friends! Most from work ofcourse but why not use resources like meet up?
I'm a lifelong OC resident (but not of Irvine), and I hardly know a soul who has a large, extended family living nearby. Maaaybe parents and one or two siblings, at the most. I for example am the only one of my entire family (seven siblings) who still lives in California. Everyone else left years ago. Most of my friends and acquaintances either came from somewhere else, or most of their family up and moved away.
When my sister moved from SoCal to Oklahoma, one of the differences she remarked on was that in Oklahoma, people actually had large extended families around them. Whole families with cousins and all who still lived in the same general area as their parents and grandparents. That isn't the case here, in my experience.
I think if you find people not super friendly and hospitable, it's not because they have their family around and don't need you. People here are generally very busy and therefore cautious about making friends who may turn into social obligations. It sounds bad, but that's the way it is.
The most friendly and welcoming people I know in SoCal, the ones who will return your hospitality and turn into lifelong friends, are from small churches. Not megachurches. Neighbors and coworkers are possibilities too, but you do often have to take the initiative and invite them first.
I am a lifelong Orange County resident, but I still feel like I don't belong here, despite living in the same Irvine neighborhood for 15 years.
Maybe it's because all my extended family are in Hong Kong and the UK. But I find that while not hostile, people here don't want to talk to you unless you're their relatives or very close friends. Sure, they might be very sociable towards their family, but you can't expect any hospitality if you're outside of their circle.
Over here, the mentality is that everyone turns to their large, supportive, extended family for socializing and life help. If you don't have one, you're on your own.
And we have so many transplants in Irvine (like Chinese immigrant investors). Not a bad thing, but you know, they leave before you can even say hi. And for whatever reason, everyone moves off to the East Coast for college... and never comes back to SoCal.
I agree that your main problem could be irvine where you chose to live.
I moved down to Orange County, when my marine corps dad was transferred from the Oakland area to El Toro. I was a sophmore in high school, and did not know anyone. We lived in Santa Ana, just north of Santa Ana College.
Well, at 15 yrs of age, I began working and did so all thru high school and college. I met all kinds of people in all walks of life. That included the friends not only from my home town, but many towns, including living on Balboa Island, Newport Beach, and Corona Del Mar.
We have friends all over Orange County, some were thru sports, gyms, jobs, street and strip drag racing, beach partys and body surfing, and neighbor hood friends from many different areas. Other friends from when I worked at Disneyland. Then came the service, and friends from the U.S. Naval Air. and after that martial arts, and more friends thru the Newport Sailing Club, and also more friends thru my flying career. Add in social friends from going out to local restaurants and bars, and hiking .
Some of my mantra that I strongly believe in :
1. All you have to do is say hello, and you will be amazed at how interesting the person you just met is, and how much you have in common.
2. Respect everyone, and live a with a positive attitude
3. You make your own good time. Stay active .
4. Throw away or stow the ipods, and e pads and what ever that electronic crutch is that runs the lives of America and start relating in haole speak. Yep, start and carry on people to people conversations. I see that electronic device none sense all the time, with entire families out to dinner, heads down, no conversation, swiping and tapping.
Get a life , America.
5. An Irvine tale . Erica had gone up to Reno, with her sis and BIL driving to visit her daughters family inlcuding three young grand children. She called me when she was supposed to arrive back at her sis and BIL home in Turtle Rock ( Irvine). OK, I called friends that I taught how to sail who live a few streets over from them and was able to spend a couple hours visiting and having a great time.
But, it was nearing dinner time and Erica was still about 30 to 40 minutes out. So I asked them where was a nice bar / Restaurant that I could have a drink and snack, and talk story until they arrived back home.
There was no place ....zero.....I wound up at a Pizza joint, talking story with the owner, who happened to have spent quite some time on Kauai....our home island .
7. We visited kauai for 12 years and lived there for 10 years. Met and accumulated all kinds of friends, from many different walks of life and back grounds. We just lived our normal life styles, joined the kauai athletic club, worked out 5 days a week. We volunteered for beach, and river and harbor clean ups.
We joined the Sierra Club and became hike leaders. We also joined Malama Maha'ulepu and Surf Rider.
And we got out and met people.
We also had friends who we met thru the Kauai Trip advisor, great people, some island residents, and also visitors. We had ten wonderful years of living on Kauai. In Two months were are headed back for a 3 week visit.
8. Recently 3 yrs ago, we moved back to the mainland, to Dana Point, new territory for us. Well, we are meeting and associating with all kinds of great and friendly people. Love Dana Point and South County.
Point being, we have not roosted in one small area for ever. Myself and Erica have lived many different places and started out brand new, and had zero problems meeting people. But you cannot do that sitting on couch and not being active.
And those 1000 friends that people have on Facebook, are NOT friends. Ridiculous !!
It is up to the individual to get out and create real human to human friendships.
We lived in Orange County 12 years and made wonderful friends through work, some of our neighbors, our children's friends' parents and in small groups at our megachurch.
Most of our friends did not have large families close by, like our home town in the midwest, where more people tended to stay in the same area for generations.
We lived in OC for 18 years and made a lot of great friends. Many who are lifetime friends. We even had a couple of friends from Irvine (admittedly we made friends with them before they moved to Irvine).
Suggestions: 1. Get out of Irvine. 2. Get involved. We met most of our friends through Church, A car club, work, historical society, political activism, guiding youth mission trips to Mexico and a bird club. 3. If you still are not making friends, look to you. I have difficulty socially because I have no interest in sports, I do not think money is what makes you successful or happy, and I have a very dry sense of humor that few people understand. Still I was able to make lots of friends. However in part i hard to learn to feign interest in sports at times, and really hold back on humorous comments except in certain circles. Sometimes you have to adjust you, as well a adjusting the people you have around you.
I've been living in Irvine for 10 years now, and am from the East Coast. People I have met are generally friendly and pleasant, but in a superficial way. They are actually much friendlier to new people than the large East Coast metropolis I'm from where you would never make eye contact with a stranger you pass by on the street. At least here, I know who my neighbors are by first name and have their cellphone numbers, even though I don't just drop by their houses to shoot the breeze. I've met a fair number of transplants in Irvine who are also from large cities and are more used to that large city way of interacting with people.
I think a lot of people in Irvine are really busy dealing with their own lives and those of their immediate families. Myself for example, I would love to know my neighbors better, but I JUST DON"T HAVE TIME BETWEEN WORKING 50 HOURS A WEEK AND PARENTING TWO KIDS. I just don't have time to socialize. I consider myself a nice person, but work and family are my priority.
Maybe other OC towns are more laid back, or work less so they have more time to relax and hang out, I don't know.
I get what you are saying- the interactions with people here are a bit superficial. People are always in a rush. I don't think it is limited to Orange County- I see it throughout Southern California. I also live in Irvine and have lived in Irvine for 16 years. Many people around here are originally from someplace else. Hence, unlike some older cities and communities it is not a place where their parents, grandparents, etc have lived in. For Irvine, I know there are lots of professionals who live here who were not originally from here and their work brought them here. So for these transplants, I don't think they always just socialize with their extended family (especially if their extended family lives far away). If they are married with children, they socialize with other married people with children. If they are single, many socialize with other professionals.
If you are having problems meeting or connecting with people- ask yourself if there is something you can do differently. It may be uncomfortable at first, but if you want change, you've got to change. In the 16 years I've lived here, I met people through either professional organizations, church, meet up groups, recreational activities-such as hiking. Then from there you meet some of their friends, etc.
I agree that your main problem could be irvine where you chose to live.
I moved down to Orange County, when my marine corps dad was transferred from the Oakland area to El Toro. I was a sophmore in high school, and did not know anyone. We lived in Santa Ana, just north of Santa Ana College.
Well, at 15 yrs of age, I began working and did so all thru high school and college. I met all kinds of people in all walks of life. That included the friends not only from my home town, but many towns, including living on Balboa Island, Newport Beach, and Corona Del Mar.
We have friends all over Orange County, some were thru sports, gyms, jobs, street and strip drag racing, beach partys and body surfing, and neighbor hood friends from many different areas. Other friends from when I worked at Disneyland. Then came the service, and friends from the U.S. Naval Air. and after that martial arts, and more friends thru the Newport Sailing Club, and also more friends thru my flying career. Add in social friends from going out to local restaurants and bars, and hiking .
Some of my mantra that I strongly believe in :
1. All you have to do is say hello, and you will be amazed at how interesting the person you just met is, and how much you have in common.
2. Respect everyone, and live a with a positive attitude
3. You make your own good time. Stay active .
4. Throw away or stow the ipods, and e pads and what ever that electronic crutch is that runs the lives of America and start relating in haole speak. Yep, start and carry on people to people conversations. I see that electronic device none sense all the time, with entire families out to dinner, heads down, no conversation, swiping and tapping.
Get a life , America.
5. An Irvine tale . Erica had gone up to Reno, with her sis and BIL driving to visit her daughters family inlcuding three young grand children. She called me when she was supposed to arrive back at her sis and BIL home in Turtle Rock ( Irvine). OK, I called friends that I taught how to sail who live a few streets over from them and was able to spend a couple hours visiting and having a great time.
But, it was nearing dinner time and Erica was still about 30 to 40 minutes out. So I asked them where was a nice bar / Restaurant that I could have a drink and snack, and talk story until they arrived back home.
There was no place ....zero.....I wound up at a Pizza joint, talking story with the owner, who happened to have spent quite some time on Kauai....our home island .
7. We visited kauai for 12 years and lived there for 10 years. Met and accumulated all kinds of friends, from many different walks of life and back grounds. We just lived our normal life styles, joined the kauai athletic club, worked out 5 days a week. We volunteered for beach, and river and harbor clean ups.
We joined the Sierra Club and became hike leaders. We also joined Malama Maha'ulepu and Surf Rider.
And we got out and met people.
We also had friends who we met thru the Kauai Trip advisor, great people, some island residents, and also visitors. We had ten wonderful years of living on Kauai. In Two months were are headed back for a 3 week visit.
8. Recently 3 yrs ago, we moved back to the mainland, to Dana Point, new territory for us. Well, we are meeting and associating with all kinds of great and friendly people. Love Dana Point and South County.
Point being, we have not roosted in one small area for ever. Myself and Erica have lived many different places and started out brand new, and had zero problems meeting people. But you cannot do that sitting on couch and not being active.
And those 1000 friends that people have on Facebook, are NOT friends. Ridiculous !!
It is up to the individual to get out and create real human to human friendships.
one last saying....
Friendship is Precious Cargo.
I scratched my head re your other post (on the 'job offer in Newport Beach - questions re Tustin as a place to live' thread) that referred to 'the cities of Newport Beach, Corona Del Mar, and Balboa'. I chalked it up to 'well, even though he/she has lived in Orange County, perhaps he/she never made it over to Newport Beach'. However, above, you mention that you lived there. Corona Del Mar isn't a city. Balboa Island isn't a city. The Balboa Peninsula isn't a city. All three are areas within the City of Newport Beach.
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