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Old 01-17-2011, 08:39 AM
 
Location: Where the sun likes to shine!!
20,545 posts, read 28,591,014 times
Reputation: 88829

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I just got this one and had to share...some we've all heard before but they can still make us smile

BLESSED ARE THE CRACKED , FOR THEY LET IN THE LIGHT!

TWENTY-NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!

17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

18. Procrastinate Now!

19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That? (Love it!!)

20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

26. Ham and eggs... A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. (how true)

27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

29. I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
Life is too short and friends are too few !
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Old 01-17-2011, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Neither here nor there
14,810 posts, read 15,271,904 times
Reputation: 32979
I can certainly agree with #8!!
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Old 01-17-2011, 09:29 AM
 
Location: Orlando, Florida
43,856 posts, read 47,705,066 times
Reputation: 58688
I am identifying with number 11.
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Old 01-17-2011, 10:09 AM
 
Location: Charlotte county, Florida
4,196 posts, read 5,903,285 times
Reputation: 12258
I'm all for # 3 in so many situations.
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Old 01-17-2011, 10:14 AM
 
Location: Mayberry
33,508 posts, read 14,305,963 times
Reputation: 69212
I'm number 4!! LOL these are great!!
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Old 01-17-2011, 10:20 AM
 
Location: Covington County, Alabama
222,702 posts, read 83,655,160 times
Reputation: 135291
#2 is my story and I'm sticking with it.
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Old 01-17-2011, 10:25 AM
 
Location: Airports all over the world
6,987 posts, read 7,192,552 times
Reputation: 103911
#5 for me
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Old 01-17-2011, 01:57 PM
 
Location: Abilene, Texas
8,746 posts, read 8,427,056 times
Reputation: 55890
Funny stuff, several of those apply to me....lol.
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Old 01-17-2011, 03:24 PM
 
Location: South Central Texas
114,776 posts, read 60,605,934 times
Reputation: 166224
#4 Thanks for the reminder Lisa! .............hehe!
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Old 01-17-2011, 04:55 PM
bjh
Status: "Happy New Year 2022." (set 8 days ago)
 
Location: Memphis - home of the king
45,018 posts, read 27,095,263 times
Reputation: 129963
#2

This list reminds me of:

Stupid People of the World, Untie!
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