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Old 06-28-2011, 12:13 PM
 
Location: Michigan
29,297 posts, read 52,927,868 times
Reputation: 21835

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1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a
police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning,
too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other
cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says 'Gee. Your eyes look red, have you been
drinking?' You probably shouldn't respond with,'Gee Officer your eyes look
glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?'
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Old 06-28-2011, 12:32 PM
 
Location: Wallens Ridge
3,122 posts, read 4,715,174 times
Reputation: 17265
These Police comments were taken off actual police car tape recorders around the country:


#16 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.'

#15 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.'

# 14 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.'

#13 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'

#12 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet they'll be chasing you.'

#11 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'

#10 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor? '

#9 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.'

#8 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'

#7 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.'

#6 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster-oven.'

#5 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'


]#4 'How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?'

#3 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'


#2 'I'm glad to hear that Chief Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'

AND THE WINNER IS... .

#1 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.'

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Old 06-28-2011, 01:07 PM
 
Location: Abilene, Texas
8,745 posts, read 8,588,839 times
Reputation: 55895
Funny stuff John!...lol.

From Big Mike's post above- #13 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'......I have a good friend here in town that's a cop and he says that one often!...lol.
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Old 06-28-2011, 01:20 PM
 
Location: NW Indiana
43,351 posts, read 18,338,831 times
Reputation: 111506
John and Big Mike, those are hilarious!

How about a few more too add to John's list:

13. You didn't give me time to reload!

14. Your fly is open, officer.

15. Gheesch, ossifer....I w-washn't schpeedin'. I evun ssschlowed down to o-o-open m-my beeeer.

16. <looking back at the squad car> You don't have one of those dogs that sniff for drugs, do you?
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Old 06-28-2011, 01:53 PM
Gue
 
24,118 posts, read 9,719,679 times
Reputation: 61037
Good ones!

Now~Would you mind holding my beer, officer?
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Old 06-28-2011, 02:04 PM
 
Location: Las Flores, Orange County, CA
26,342 posts, read 89,987,109 times
Reputation: 17770
One of the funniest scenes is when the cop pulls over Cheech and Chong...



YouTube - &#x202a;Cheech & Chong - What do you guys want?&#x202c;&rlm;
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Old 06-28-2011, 06:05 PM
 
25,082 posts, read 15,705,746 times
Reputation: 41791
Oh guys yall are so funny to me... And what a great thread John... I guess u shouldn't offer ur first and second born as a bribe either
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Old 06-29-2011, 08:04 PM
 
Location: Michigan
29,297 posts, read 52,927,868 times
Reputation: 21835
I would hate to be a Cop. A cop pulls over a man that gets very angry and starts swearing but the cop remains calm.


YouTube - &#x202a;funny police stop&#x202c;&rlm;
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Old 06-29-2011, 08:07 PM
 
5,273 posts, read 7,088,135 times
Reputation: 14925
Don't tell them you have diarrhea. It doesn't work LOL. They still write the ticket and tell you that they will write the ticket as fast as they can! LOL... I used to be married to a state trooper so I've heard all the stories/excuses! LOL
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Old 06-29-2011, 08:11 PM
 
Location: Tucson/Nogales
22,031 posts, read 26,347,134 times
Reputation: 30539
I just got back from 2 weeks in Germany, driving those autobahns at 130MPH.

Gimme a break! I'm still thinking I'm on an Autobahn!

Comedian Paul Lynde got pulled over in Hollywood one time, driving drunk on a sidewalk with his car, cop stopped him, brought out his pad, ready to write a ticket, and what did Paul say, looking at the pad with a pen in his hand?

I'll take two cheeseburgers with fries!
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